Soooooo there with you! I actually told my hubby that I want to go away for Christmas. I don't want to be here - I don't want to deal with the family. Not sure if we can afford to go away.

I hear you. I am estranged from my extended family that we spent holidays with and now my family spends holidays alone. I think it's hard for my other kids because they don't really get the molestation that happened to their sister and they miss their cousins. This is the second year we're making our own traditions as a family and it's a little easier. What makes it especially hard for me though is that the perp, my brother in law, lives less than a mile from me and I have to pass his house every time I go into town. I seriously want to move but my son who is in high school is adamant about staying which I understand. My husband thinks the perp should be the one that moves. Unfortunately, he has had no consequences so he has no shame. Hang in there, I know it's hard and know you are not alone.

More people crash at the holidays then any other time. We have this hallmark picture in our minds about what the holidays are about!! Me I would rather be with people who love and support me then family members who are not supportive and talk about you as soon as you leave the room. Honest to goodness, show me a real Leave it to Beaver family(I hope to God you all know who leave it to beaver is) with no baggage, no hurts, no mental illness, no drug use or alcohism. It does not exist! We are all we got and we choose to be real and protect our children from pedophiles. So we make new traditions and we are at peace with. We still have many blessing to count.

You are so right annholly.I spent my whole adult life, 20+ years spending holidays with my extended family so it is different for my immediate family to spend it with just us but this is our second year and there is a lot of laughter and closeness I feel among my husband and 4 kids and we do have blessings of knowing we're not with my daughter's perp. I feel a peaceness about this and wish everyone to have blessed holidays.

Thanks guys I knew I wasn't alone...just needed to hear it. I've talked to my husband and kids about going away for the holidays, but despite the abuse and estrangement my kids still like to do the traditional thing. God bless my children they are so resilent. Wish I could be more like them.

Just remember the new memories you are creating for your children and how they will cherish these traditions. I know for sure my kids do. They are in their teens and 20's now and still love to come home and do things we have just recently started to do.It's a difficult adjustment at first but you are a strong woman and a good mother and I know will create great memories for your kids.

I understand completely.

Yup. I don't feel like doing anything. So much was taken from us, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Yes. It is difficult.

Absolutely! My daughter came forward right before Thanksgiving so I know exactly what you're going through. Prayers to you!

I am so upset about this next holiday I wrote a poem: My step kids abused my 9 and 5 year old and their whore mother hid everything from the police. After they closed the case without prosecution their father and I moved out of state. I am still waiting for justice someday.

JUDGMENT

He could have chosen you, but he didnât, he chose me
Chosen blindness and denial, but he wanted to see
Stayed trapped in your bondage, but he chose to be free
He could have left us to save you but he didnât, did he?

Disgusting are you and ashamed you will be
One day you will suffer, I promise wait and see
Devastation so hard you will drop to your knees.

You think you are clever to lie and to sneak?
You think you have won and that we are so weak
You don't care if you're shallow and don't smell how you reek?
You believe it is over, that we never will speak?

I will not forget you, see we wait every day
I know yours is coming, that's why we couldn't stay
You are more than a liar and more than a whore
More than a nightmare, more than a sore
You define what is evil, and there's sin at your core.

What does the future hold; for you and your life?
You will never be free while holding this knife
You have lied and destroyed time after time
Covered in shame for your horrible crime.

Look in the mirror and what do you hate?
It's your eyes looking back now, see you are the bait
Forgiveness takes time and for now it can wait.

See one day you'll realize that really you're scared.
Consumed with regret wondering how you have dared
That day will be mine and you will never be spared
You lied and you killed and you never even cared.

God is coming to get you I feel it inside
Run while you can but there is nowhere to hide
You shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't have lied
I wish I could go back every time that they cried
Every time you abused them a piece of them died
Nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide
Their innocent souls you had bound up and tied.

But they are much better with the life you once had
They are now favored and no longer are sad
They run and they smile and they're not even mad
They represent courage and that's what makes us glad
They are free to be with me and their wonderful Dad.

Live your life filled with lies and regrets and with hate
Because God knows you will suffer, accept it its fate
Until that day comes we will just sit back and wait
My God is the finisher, he is serving your plate
So judgment comes down not a minute too late.

Wow! That about says it all.

I wish we could all get together and have a big Thanksgiving together!! I am greatful for all your support! H

Oh, wow! What an amazing poem!

Last Christmas was the worst ever. Up until then, we had spent every Christmas at my grandmother's with the entire family. Since the disclosure, we aren't allowed over to her house on Sunday or on Holidays (the "family" days). So this year we ARE leaving town and spending Christmas with Mickey. This will be the first Christmas EVER I haven't been at home. My kiddos are excited but I'm not sure what to think yet. My parents are upset we aren't staying around so we can do something with just them after their usual celebration, but they aren't the ones that have to look my girls in the eye and tell them we aren't welcome at "family" Christmas anymore. And with that woman only living 2 doors down from me, it isn't like I can hide it from them.

Brokensun, go have a great Christmas with Your family. It's so ridiculous to me that the people victimized are not welcome at extended family holidays. It's basically the same for me, holidays are spent at my sister's house and her husband is the perp so we no longer spend holidays with them. My mom and brother still go to their house and I feel like the outcast. One of my daughters is mad at me because we are not spending the holidays with the rest of the family. It's very frustrating. I think you should make a big effort to enjoy Christmas with Mickey and make the best memories for your kids. This could be a new tradition for you and being away from your grandmother might help you to enjoy the holiday better. ((Hugs to you))