9 is not that unusual to still be wetting. You can help her by limiting liquids after dinner. Make her drink a lot throughout the day if you can, and then nothing after dinner. Also, is there a reason she won't go potty? Is she afraid of any areas of your house?

Hi my son is 9 and wets the bed 2-6 nights a week and he says the same exact thing about his bladder not waking him up. When I tell u i have tried everything I am not exaggerating. Limiting drinks at bedtime, waking him up at night to go, threats, making him wash the bed hisself in the morning, talking to doctors, positive encouragement, and anything else. I get tired of other people trying to fix our problem by suggesting things because I have literally tried everything. We used to use the good nights but I had another baby last year and the diapers were getting expensive so we put a plastic sheet on the mattress and when he wets he gets up and washes his sheets and its not a huge deal. He is very embarrased by his bedwetting but I think we are both at a point where we are just accepting this for what it is and doing what we have to do without making a big deal of it and hoping he grows out of it soon. When he does have a sleep over we do wear the good night and if he is at a friends house I will have him take a plastic bag with him to put the good night in to throw out. I also make sure I talk to the other kids parents so they understand the situation and help him dispose of it discreetly without embarrasing himself in front of his friend. My advice is try not to make a big deal of it cause she probably already feels pretty bad about it and just ride it out til she grows out of it. I know in my case there was no magic solution. I wish u the best of luck!

My daughter is 11 and we were in the same situation. I can tell you it does get better. We too saw doctors, tried everything, read books, etc. The only thing that helped was time. She now very rarely wets the bed, and she is very cautious of what she drinks after dinner. Even nights when she has had a lot to drink she has been fine. I used to kid her at night, and tell her she had to tell her bladder to wake up her brain when it needs to go. It would put a light spin on the matter and at least she would go to bed with a smile on her face.

The best thing we did was get something called the big blue pad. It is a bed wetting pad that she would sleep on. That way she did not have to change all the sheets ect she just had to get herself cleaned up and wash the pad in the morning. We put the pad on top of the fitted sheet, then just took it off if she had friends over.

For sleep overs we use Tena pads now. She can eat and drink with her friends and not worry about wetting. She keeps it in with her toothbrush and toothpaste. She wears shorts to bed so no one can see it.

Remember you are not alone, and please make sure your daughter knows that she is not the only one with this problem.

OK, well, I don't often talk about this because people generally don't get it AT ALL, but I'll share our experience.

I have a 9yo son. Turns out he is just like my brother was at the same age. Both wet the bed, now and then, until they were 8/9. They sleep so soundly and their bladders don't signal their brain to get up fast enough.

I did quite a bit of reading about this, as I too was at my wits end, and no one understood. People would just give me this elementary advice like I was stupid and it was so frustrating.

I finally figured out that some kid's bodies don't develop in this department until they are older. I find it's much worse when he's going through a growth spurt or having a period when he's sleepwalking and more clumsy (probably growth spurt too).

We are now down to only wetting the sheets like 3 x a year, but he still has to get up and change his pjs due to a very small accident about once every few weeks.

how often is your daughter wetting? does it seem to be getting less frequent as she gets older? if so, I'd guess that is a good sign that she will soon outgrow it.

one thing that could save your sanity: put on a waterproof mattress pad, a sheet, then another layer of that so when it IS wet, you only have to pull off two layers and you can all go back to bed. ; )

I was just wondering. Why does she not go during the day? When she is awake, if she is not heeding the message from her body to go, then when she is asleep she isn't listening to that message either. I would work on getting her to go properly throughout the day. Having repeated UTIs is not good for her and could affect her health in the future.

Thriver: My daughter does go during the day for the most part. She says that she gets to involved in what she is doing and forgets to go until she is about to wet herself. We have lived in our home for almost 4 years. So that is not an issue either. There is nothing that she is afraid of here. Her teachers @ school and daycare are aware of the situation and prompt her (without letting other kids know) to go to the bathroom. She does get to use it more than the other kids to make sure that she doesn't have any accidents there.

Mechellebelle: She is wetting the bed every night. She has been doing this for at least 5 years now.

Thank you all for the advice, it's nice to know she isn't the only one out there doing this!

at the risk of embarrassing myself...I will speak from my own personal experience...

I, myself, was a severe bed wetter. In fact, it continued on late into my teen years (i know, not what you want to hear...)

I wet the bed almost daily for the majority of my childhood...and same thing, my parents took me to the doctor, psychologists, didn't let me drink anything after dinner, tried positive (and negative) reinforcement... and in the end, all of that did nothing but cause me more stress and was pretty detrimental to my self esteem. Knowing that my parents had discussed my very humiliating "problem" with just about everyone we came in contact with in search for answers left me feeling pretty bad about myself.

All of the things that they tried were useless...I only stopped wetting the bed when they finally decided to just ignore the problem...the bought me one of those plastic mattress covers so that I didn't destroy my bedding, and they bought me a spare set of sheets so that when I woke up wet, I could swap out the sheets and wash the dirty ones....this way I always had a clean set on hand.

When they finally decided to just act like it was no big deal, my accidents decreased gradually, until I finally stopped altogether.

it was hard when it came to wanting to have sleepovers, etc...but I just opted out of them until I stopped wetting myself.

I wish there were some solid advice that I could give you...but there really just isn't. If the doctor says there is nothing wrong with her, then I would say just let it go...make sure she knows that you understand that it's not her fault. That was the worst thing for me, feeling like I was doing something wrong when in reality it was completely out of my control.

Anyway...I probably didn't contribute much, but just thought I would offer the perspective of the child here...

My son is 9 and he still wets the bed. I've tried everything, too. I just recently got him put on the medication for it (desmopression, or DDAVP), although it's not been consistent cause some days he was sick and we went on vacation.

Anyway, I too am frustrated. Thought at this point I figure, besides the price I pay for pullups, that it rests on him. I can't physically make him want to stop it. He goes through bouts where he wants to stop (mostly when he goes to see his father, who yells at him for being a "baby", and all kinds of other negative things that the court could care less about).

My son is also having issues with his blood sugar, which makes him very thirsty at night. It's kind of hard to restrict fluids when he craves massive amounts of water at night.

He has been dry during the day since he was 4, but has never had a dry night, except once or twice I believe. It is aggravating, but I have given up letting it frustrate me, as it is only stressing me out, which doesn't help my son whatsoever.

My son has seen one specialist so far, and both him and my regular doc have assured me he will outgrow it. It is quite rare to be incontinent as a teenager (though there are some cases).

I was finally given a prescription for a bed alarm, as I guess using that in conjunction with the DDAVP is helpful. I have read mixed reviews about that, though. My son is a deep sleeper (which is most likely why he won't wake up to use the bathroom!), and is very difficult to wake up, even after a full nights' sleep.

Have you had your daughter checked for any physical problems? What has her doc said? If she is having trouble with UTI's, I suggest giving her cranberry supplements. Whether with vitamins or juice. That helps immensely keeping those at bay, as well as keeping fluids up during the day.

Like others have said, the best thing is to limit fluids after dinner (or 7pm). Make sure she is emptying her bladder fully, right before bed. For example, my son takes a shower at 8pm, but, he doesn't fall asleep until 9:30 or so. I make sure he goes at 9:15 and empties his bladder. Has anyone taught her how to relax fully and really make sure she's emptied her bladder all the way? I know kids like to rush most of the time. If possible, waking her right before YOU go to bed and making her urinate would help as well. My doc suggested anytime I wake up to wake my son up to go, but that didn't work, as my son, by the time he did get up, was so cranky and dazed, he was a zombie the next day for school. Never again will I do that.
Those are the main keys to stopping.

ALso, I'm not sure if your daughter wears pull ups or not, but I have found, to be simple as possible during nighttime accidents, that I keep a set of clean pajamas and underwear/pullups on top of his dresser. I also make his bed with a waterproof pad under his fitted sheet, and then I put a second pad down, and tuck the flat sheet in as well, so it's like TWO fitted sheets. I then put a second flat sheet and his comforter on top for him to sleep with. If he has an accident, I can (or he can) pull off the first sheet and pad, and put it in the hamper, and just go back to bed with dry sheets. This has saved me trying to find a sheet and pad, and making the bed in the middle of the night MANY times.

I'm sure you've probably heard of most of this, but I wanted to let you know there ARE others out there with 9 year olds who wet the bed. I do not put my son down at all for it, and I treat it just like any other medical problem. It's not laziness or anything else, as no child would choose to keep wetting the bed. I praise him when he sticks to his fluid restriction, tell him he's doing a good job, and reassure him when he's upset that it won't be like this forever. That has gone a long way to helping. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me here.

I agree, that alarm might work, why not try that?

Also, we tried all sorts of things and we did it with a positive attitude. I tried to make my son know that it was normal for our family, but let's just try this to see if it works ...

One thing that we tried was having him take the wet sheets off the bed and put them in the washer and take care of the laundry part. I wanted to see if just maybe it was laziness or indifference or his thinking that his parents "will just clean it up." So we did that for a few weeks but it didn't affect anything, so we stopped. I have heard that sometimes that works for other people. Once the parents are hands-off the kids sometimes work it out on their own, so laundry is a good test for that.

My son wet the bed until he was 8. One night I talked to him and told him that I wet the bed until I was 11 or 12; then one night I realized that I was half awake and 'day-dreamed' that I had walked to the bathroom, while still in bed. That was the last night that I wet the bed.

After hearing this story, my son realized that he was similar and chose to wake himself up completely.

Each person's experience is their own and as parents we can be thankful in realizing that no permanent harm is being done, if the emotions are managed well.

Hang in there

I was a bed wetter and my mom used to rub my nose in it every morning and spank me...didn't help me stop,,, believe I wish it had, What I do remember helping was kegel exercises. I didn't know that was what I was doing at the time but I would practice stopping the urine stream when I used the bathroom when awake. I think this actually helped strengthen the muscles so I could hold it. Not inly stopped bed wetting but freed me from my mom's horrible tactics.

I cannot believe I found a board with parents "who get it" I took have done everything that most of you all have tried. I finally realizing my son was getting depressed because he wanted all his sleepovers at his house, so he could quietly take care of the situation, his friends started asking him over and over why wouldn't he sleep over their houses. Well he wanted this so badly, we came up with a game plan, bought 2 sets of Sport Shorts in same color, bought a expensive Sleeping Bag that was meant for being in snow etc.. and held in the water. He could change put clothes into a 2 qt zipper bag, put on exactly what he went to sleep in 2nd pair, and put into his backpack. I did let the parents know, and wow I was amazed that their oldest son had the same problem, and they would make sure my son's experience would go smoothly. IT did even though he had an accident he was able to feel confident and not embarrassed. I am glad I found this board. Thanks Ladies

My son was a bed wetter - in the end the thing that helped most nights was to put him to bed as normal then when I went bed I would walk him to the toilet around 10/11 T nigh and put him back to bed.

He is 11 now and seems to have grown out of this - around 9/10 but it was embarrassing especially when friends take about their kids being dry at night aged 2/3!!!

Be patient it will soon pass!!

Hi kgnawrocki,

My daughter had the same problem; still does but she is taking Desmopressin. It's great. Go to your pediatrician and tell him/her that you want your child to be on Desmopressin. I have tried everything in the past-and sleepovers were a big problem and disappointment because she just could not go to them. I told her doctor about what was happening, and she prescribed her Desmopressin. There's really no side effects. It stops her from soaking the bed (she's now 11-years-old). Just have your child stop drinking fluids after dinner, and have her empty her bladder right before bed. Give her 1 - 3 pills, and she'll be fine. She'll be able to go to the sleepovers.
It's genetics. Someone in your family is not confessing to have been a bed-wetter. It may be an Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent, etc.
Just be relieved that she won't do it in college :)

Hello, my 11 yr old son has always wet the bed. I tried everything as well. I did find out with a lot of research that it is common for bladders to be slow in growth, causing this problem. They really cant help it, no mater what you do. punishment is not the answer, and they already feel bad about it, as they do not understand why it happens. 2 yrs ago, I felt it was hurting his self esteem, so I started setting my alarm for diff times during the night to get him up to go to the bathroom. I discovered he could go a max of 6 hrs almost to the min. So I started setting my alarm for 2 am every night for the last 2 yrs. He never wets the bed unless I forget. He is 11 now and his bladder is starting to catch up. I now sleep in and he rarely wets the bed. In the last month he has only wet the bed 2 times. His self esteem has grown considerably the last 2 years.