Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I am in desperate need for a support group for parents of teens with depression and who self injure.
I found out almost a year ago that my now 15 yr old daughter was depressed and cutting herself. It was Valentines Day last year when we were actually at her Dr's, an appt I had made to ask for help with her insomnia, when I looked down at her wrists which were usually covered with bracelets, and noticed the cuts. Her Dr discussed it with us straight away and made a next day appt with a LCSW for her. She is still seeing the counselor and she is still cutting, I found semi fresh cuts on her last week. She tried to convince me that they were old but it was obvious they weren't. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl who does very well in school, in mostly honors classes. She has many friends, some who I suspect also cut, and some who I know don't and are very supportive of her in her efforts to get help and to stop harming herself. She is my third child, the baby, and although we have a very close relationship she doesn't talk to me about things like her older brother and sister always have and still do. She is on medication (Lexapro) for the depression and she also has a prescription for something to help her sleep that she takes as needed, which is more than I like. She is very willing to do whatever her Dr's and her father and I ask but I feel she may be doing it all only to appease us.
I don't know why she started cutting, or when, and I don't know if she really wants to stop, or if she's going through the counseling only to make me feel better. I don't know how to talk to her about it or what I should or shouldn't say. When she's in her room alone for periods of time I have to go check on her several times for fear she may hurt herself. Then I think I may be making it worse by asking her if she's OK all the time. I have to continue life as normal as possible, not allow her to do things that I wouldn't if she weren't having these struggles, make her do chores and homework, etc, but at any given time I worry about if that's going to be the thing to push her over the edge? I get flack from everyone: my parents and siblings, my older children, that I'm just giving in to her because I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself and that I'm just making it worse and that she's just doing it for attention and I should take her cell phone and computer, make her take some things off her walls, not allow her to listen to some of the music she likes, not allow her to have some friends over, ground her etc, but I feel like any of these things will just make her depression worse and/or cause her to self injure. It's a terrible feeling to be constantly worried about your child, to be afraid to open her bedroom door for fear of what you'll find her doing or HOW you'll find her and I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing or NOT do or say the right thing! I've been a parent for nearly 23 yrs, both of my older children are doing very well in their lives and neither caused me any problems growing up so dealing with any issues like this is completely new to me.
Although I don't have any foster children in my care at this time, I'm a certified foster parent and as such have had thorough and continued education about children. I have been reading books on the subjects of teenage depression and self injury, I've researched online and of course I've discussed it all with her counselor, but I'm still at a loss. I'm hoping maybe other parents who have had the misfortune of experiencing this may have some advice/help to offer me and I think just having someone else who understands may help. Any input would be appreciated!
I found out almost a year ago that my now 15 yr old daughter was depressed and cutting herself. It was Valentines Day last year when we were actually at her Dr's, an appt I had made to ask for help with her insomnia, when I looked down at her wrists which were usually covered with bracelets, and noticed the cuts. Her Dr discussed it with us straight away and made a next day appt with a LCSW for her. She is still seeing the counselor and she is still cutting, I found semi fresh cuts on her last week. She tried to convince me that they were old but it was obvious they weren't. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl who does very well in school, in mostly honors classes. She has many friends, some who I suspect also cut, and some who I know don't and are very supportive of her in her efforts to get help and to stop harming herself. She is my third child, the baby, and although we have a very close relationship she doesn't talk to me about things like her older brother and sister always have and still do. She is on medication (Lexapro) for the depression and she also has a prescription for something to help her sleep that she takes as needed, which is more than I like. She is very willing to do whatever her Dr's and her father and I ask but I feel she may be doing it all only to appease us.
I don't know why she started cutting, or when, and I don't know if she really wants to stop, or if she's going through the counseling only to make me feel better. I don't know how to talk to her about it or what I should or shouldn't say. When she's in her room alone for periods of time I have to go check on her several times for fear she may hurt herself. Then I think I may be making it worse by asking her if she's OK all the time. I have to continue life as normal as possible, not allow her to do things that I wouldn't if she weren't having these struggles, make her do chores and homework, etc, but at any given time I worry about if that's going to be the thing to push her over the edge? I get flack from everyone: my parents and siblings, my older children, that I'm just giving in to her because I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself and that I'm just making it worse and that she's just doing it for attention and I should take her cell phone and computer, make her take some things off her walls, not allow her to listen to some of the music she likes, not allow her to have some friends over, ground her etc, but I feel like any of these things will just make her depression worse and/or cause her to self injure. It's a terrible feeling to be constantly worried about your child, to be afraid to open her bedroom door for fear of what you'll find her doing or HOW you'll find her and I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing or NOT do or say the right thing! I've been a parent for nearly 23 yrs, both of my older children are doing very well in their lives and neither caused me any problems growing up so dealing with any issues like this is completely new to me.
Although I don't have any foster children in my care at this time, I'm a certified foster parent and as such have had thorough and continued education about children. I have been reading books on the subjects of teenage depression and self injury, I've researched online and of course I've discussed it all with her counselor, but I'm still at a loss. I'm hoping maybe other parents who have had the misfortune of experiencing this may have some advice/help to offer me and I think just having someone else who understands may help. Any input would be appreciated!
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I have 3 kids. 24. 17. 15. My 17 yr old has become super defiant. He and his 15 yr old sister have on their own decision stopped going to their dads because he and his household is so toxic.My 15 yr old and myself feel like we have to tip toe around my son who is 17. And physically towers over us and out weighs us. He has become emotionally abusive and on the verge of becoming physically...
My 13 yr old has been cutting for a year. It has been terrible. My beautiful, talented, smart daughter thinks she is ugly, stupid, unworthy. It is heartbreaking. Happy to share!
We put her in "talk" therapy right away. I didn't know much about this then, and it seemed on and off. She liked her therapist and I was hopeful it was working.
Over the summer she found someone to cut with.
She was asked to leave sleepaway camp bc of it. So we started a new therapy, DBT. She has been willing to go. We also tried a group which she hated, and so we are just doing individual therapy. She does not want to go on medication.
Then she started HS in Sept. SInce it's gotten so much worse, or so it seems.
She is vaping, smoking ciggarettes, stealing and cutting so much. And posting pictures of her cutting on a secret instagram. I've tried everything, giving her freedom, restricting freedoms, taking her phone (instagram seems to be a trigger). Recently I looked into a clinic for self harm. I told her she is on a waiting list and that we need to get this under control or I have no other choice.
She claimed to have stopped. But I see she has some new cuts on her ankle. until a few weeks ago, i was finding blades from pencil sharpners everywhere.
She is beautiful, talendted, smart. But doesn't see it. She spends her free time hanging out. Or home in her room. My husband and I try to keep her home vs. hanging out. She doesn't want to do anything else. She had played soccer since Kindergarten, this year I signed her up and after 2 or 3 games she refused to go. She begs me to stop her piano lessons, which she has been going to since she is 4. She always loved piano.
She plays a ukelele and sings a lot. Other than that she is always on her phone at home.
We were so close up until HS started. Now I am constantly "parenting" her and its putting a lot of tension on our relationship. We are supposed to go away to Florida just me and her to visit my grandma. We go every year this time of year. Now she doesn't even want to go.
She shuts me out. I don't know what else to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I've looked into in patient clinics, I don't know if this will help or hurt more.
Any advice? Please, I'm desperate.
I didn't respond before because my teen doesn't cut.( though they sometimes have engaged in a different form of self-injury in the past). I only have read a little about cutting (part of a book called "Helping Teens Who Cut: using DBT to end self-injury").. I didn't get a chance to finish the book before i had to return it to the library.
But, what I read left me with the impression that cutting often functions as a coping / stress mgt skill and is often self-reinforcing. That's why the DBT therapists will ask the clients to track specific info snd explore new coping strategies.
Does your daughter's therapist have any suggestions for what might work at home?
I wish i could tell you something more helpful.
I did at one time consider finding an inpatient program for my child. There's no way I know of to guarantee that a program won't make things worse, but if outpatient care isn't helping then it sounds like the next step.
I'm still hoping someone more experienced with cutting will respond (or that they're still on DS ).
I hope you'll find what works best for all of you.
Beryl
Prayers for you...you are not alone, and it is so scary, but your daughter can be ok with the right help and your support. Just let her know you are always, always in her corner and that nothing will shock you....that she can tell you anything.
Unfortunately I have come to the web, searching for support for myself and my 12 year old daughter who has been cutting for about 6months. I have read the thread and feel as all of you do. I noticed your posts are spread out in date and I wonder how you and your loved ones are doing now. Many of you indicated your child is in therapy or on medication. Has it helped? Has something else? I was lucky to have found out about my daughters cutting very early on, but we are far from out of the woods and she deals with body dysmorphia, panic attacks, OCD, and anxiety on top of it. She is beautiful, funny, social, and makes the distinguished honor roll almost every report card. I simply don’t understand her emotional instability. She doesn’t want to talk to a therapist ( she’s required to go anyway). I worry she will influence her younger sister, who has her own issues. I miss the days when they were happy and didn’t struggle with emotions. Of course I have self blame, and yet I know my parenting is “typical”. No physical punishments or yelling, but of course there are rules to be abided by. I’m glad this group exists. Is anyone willing to update their status?