I suffer from anxiety and had to take a series of parenting classes to learn positive techniques to help my children help themselves calm down appropriately.
I used spanking rarely, or a hand smack to stop dangerous behavior immediately.
For temper tantrums, I kept track of when they happened, how I felt prior to the tantrums and after, and what worked to calm the children down.
Once I eliminated the "attention" trigger, which you are already dealing with effectively, by ignoring it, I was able to work on the rest of the tantrums. Turns out their "anxiety release" was having the tantrum, so helping them gain control of their feelings and behaving appropriately took a lot of patience, determination, and being prepared with distractions in a carry-all bag helped.
Hope this helps!

Thanks for the response. I will have to try the "distractions in a bag." Some of today's parents are a lot older in these times too. I am 42. Our parents were much younger and probably had less stress than we do.

I may have to start a journal too. This site is full of useful tools!

I have a seven year old and I find grounding them to be the most efficient. She's never been a real temper tantrum thrower. She began slamming doors once while going into her room, upset with me, and I told her one more slam, and she'll be grounded for the night. And I stick to it. Grounded means no playing outside on a nice evening, or no tv, music, or video games for an entire evening. That works well! She asked once while grounded, "What should I do?" Because she was grounded from all that stuff. I told her she's aloud to read her books or color, and that's it. It works!

I think though, I did get kind of lucky with my daughter, because she's a good natured kid.

I only spank if what the child did is like really, really severe. Before that, I take away a privilidge first, then the corner, another warning. I use spanking only rarely.

I spanked my daughter a little more when she was as toddler, and hardly ever, now that she's a little older. Last time I did spank her, she looked at my like, "Yeah, whatever."

I think grounding is more efficient in school age children, at least for mine. Whatever works...

Good news-I have wielded the power of the XBOX-If I take away the XBOX for a day, it shakes Richard up to realize that he needs to stop the negative behavior. Yay!!

I think you're dad knows it worked in his day...but unfortunately most of our 'old school' parents forget that times have changed...Do what you feel is best for you and your daughter. You don't want to spank her if you are reacting to her bad behavior. Our older son was spanked a couple of times, but that was years ago, our youngest didn't even know what spanking was! LOL...anyway, we did time outs - but at 6 and now (just turned) 7 - we take away video games, computer time, tv, playdates, and sent to early bed - time outs don't always work - but I still use them when it's the only option in the moment.

Spanking my oldest daughter always seemed to provoke worse behavior. But it absolutely hurts her feelings when I tell her how disappointed I am in her. I always wait until the tantrum is gone and then we talk about why she had the tantrum and how it was inappropriate and what she can do instead of having the tantrum. If I feel that her behavior needs to be punished, then she loses priveleges such as tv and computer or going outside to play.

"Parenting with Love and Logic"
I found this book to be awesome with regard to an approach that avoids physical confrontation while allowing kids to make choices and suffer their consequences. It is in the realm of positive parenting.

Basic principal is to encourage our kids to make decisions about as much as if reasonably possible, as early as possible. The bad decisions of a toddler have minor consequences. If they learn early to make decisions/that decisions have consequences, then when they are teens, they are more apt to make their own good decisions than to listen to their peers. The consequences of teenager poor decisions can often be drastic.

NO VIOLENCE INVOLVED! This is critical in this day and age!

Here's a linkie to a site:

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

My 6 year old doesn't do to many tantrums, but sometimes when he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions or he's just tired he will hit, at our house it's only his brother because he knows he won't get far with his father and I. But at his mother's house he will hit anyone, through things and get out of control. For the last couple months I send him to sit on his bed for 10 or 15 minutes so he can calm down, and so I can calm down and have a calm talk about what happened. I also ground him from video games, tv, or to his room depending on what he did, and how many times he had already been punished so there for I have to take it a step up. He's old enough to communicate with so the only time I spank is when he's already in trouble and won't do what he's told and I give him a little swat so he knows I am serious and that I am done being patient. Because it's rare when I do it, even though I am not hurting him he stops his behavior and listens. Good luck, and have strength.

when Faith (my five year old sister) or Kenan (7yr old brother) have a tantrum i sit them in a corner and dont come back until they have calmed down. then we talk about it. if they get out of the corner i put them back in.

i try to stay away from spanking cause they have been abused.

I think temper tantrums are best handled by ignoring them. If you are home and one breaks out, ignore it! Put your fingers in your ears and let the tantrum subside...temper tantrums are about getting attention and you do NOT want to give the attention for that because your daughter will learn that she gets attention by behaving like that. If you are in public, find a private place, so as not to disturb everyone around, and let her get it out, but don't yell, or even try to stop it...just let her do it, and DON'T talk to her til she's done. When she's over it and calmed down some, explain that now that she's calm you can talk to her and help her with whatever her problem is.

i dont spank, instead i have found that how to respond in other ways.
for temper tantrums, i ussually ignore them. unless its about being buckled in in the car and then i buckle them in myself.

Hi, I don't have a kid, I'm only 15.. But I have an abusive mother, yes as kids we deserve to have a slap or smack on the hand or bottom. But like my mother she never grew out of it, and uses it when ever she is angry.. We don't do anything to her, but if she's angry and we get in her way, well then you get the point.

I know what it's like to be hit, and I agree, I do. Some times they are simply brats, some times they throw tantrums. So teach your child what is good behaviour, and reward them. When they are doing wrong, tell them off, take off a privilege, and then only IF it continues smack them and make them think about what they did wrong.

Morgan.