Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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Ok, I have a lot to say, so I will make quick points to make reading easier.
I am a 41 year old mom. 2 girls, ages 11 and 4. Married.
I can walk. I rarely use a cane. I deal with some fatigue. Mostly the tingling, MS hugs, headaches, burning sensations, odd and ends.
My worst thing is muscle spasms. These are really putting me out for the count and they are getting worse and worse. Making doing things hard. I cannot drive long distances. I can do things but I pay and I get scared when things start not working.
Typing this is excruciating. More pain.
But, I get by.
My house. Right now:
My living room is clean except an empty clothes basket my 4 year old was playing with. Nothing else in it.
Kitchen, clean except the dishwasher needs empty and the floor has some crumbs the kids dropped.
Hallway, all clear.
Bedrooms... meh. My 4 year old has toys and clothes drug out, I need to clean up.
11 year old - clean.
My bedroom - 2 baskets of clean clothes to put away. A few odd and ends. I'd say about 7 things to pick up.
Bathrooms. All clean. All 3 of them.
Laundry room. Organized but I have 4 loads of dirty laundry.
Now, this week. I cooked 4 dinners. Not hot dogs and french fries, but 4 dinners. Well rounded, healthy meals. I cleaned. Went to the dr. Got my kids from school every day. Went grocery shopping. Picked up a neighbors kids and took her home each day who's mom works. Also babysat 2 days. Also helped my daughter with homework every night among all the things a mom does.
Ok. We recently moved in to a new home. My inlaws bought this house and we are paying them back. They came down today to work on the yard. They do that when my husband is not here because they don't want to "bother him".
Well, today was a BAD day. As in, I could barely walk. I went outside to talk a minute and thought I would collapse. I got scared. I went back inside.
My mother in law hates when people are sick. So I try to hide it. She hates anyone getting attention besides her.
Well. My MIL told my husband today that I I was not keeping house clean enough. That the kitchen floor had crumbs on it. Then she said I need to start working and make money.
What?
I can barely get through the day as it is. I am in the middle of a relapse, and she knows this... and she brings this up NOW!!
My husband told her that would not be possible. Then she said...
ARE YOU READY FOR IT?
"Maybe she should be put in a nursing home?"
....... I really have no idea how to react to that.
I mean obviously I don't need to be in one. Look at what all I can do, not only for myself but others. I am caring for them... not them for me.
It's as if she was saying, "She is of no use to our family. She does not provide money. She does not clean. she is useless to us, to you (my husband) and to the girls, lets just stick her in a home and forget about her. She serves no purpose anymore."
I think in my 41 years of life that that is the cruelest thing anyone has ever said.
I am a 41 year old mom. 2 girls, ages 11 and 4. Married.
I can walk. I rarely use a cane. I deal with some fatigue. Mostly the tingling, MS hugs, headaches, burning sensations, odd and ends.
My worst thing is muscle spasms. These are really putting me out for the count and they are getting worse and worse. Making doing things hard. I cannot drive long distances. I can do things but I pay and I get scared when things start not working.
Typing this is excruciating. More pain.
But, I get by.
My house. Right now:
My living room is clean except an empty clothes basket my 4 year old was playing with. Nothing else in it.
Kitchen, clean except the dishwasher needs empty and the floor has some crumbs the kids dropped.
Hallway, all clear.
Bedrooms... meh. My 4 year old has toys and clothes drug out, I need to clean up.
11 year old - clean.
My bedroom - 2 baskets of clean clothes to put away. A few odd and ends. I'd say about 7 things to pick up.
Bathrooms. All clean. All 3 of them.
Laundry room. Organized but I have 4 loads of dirty laundry.
Now, this week. I cooked 4 dinners. Not hot dogs and french fries, but 4 dinners. Well rounded, healthy meals. I cleaned. Went to the dr. Got my kids from school every day. Went grocery shopping. Picked up a neighbors kids and took her home each day who's mom works. Also babysat 2 days. Also helped my daughter with homework every night among all the things a mom does.
Ok. We recently moved in to a new home. My inlaws bought this house and we are paying them back. They came down today to work on the yard. They do that when my husband is not here because they don't want to "bother him".
Well, today was a BAD day. As in, I could barely walk. I went outside to talk a minute and thought I would collapse. I got scared. I went back inside.
My mother in law hates when people are sick. So I try to hide it. She hates anyone getting attention besides her.
Well. My MIL told my husband today that I I was not keeping house clean enough. That the kitchen floor had crumbs on it. Then she said I need to start working and make money.
What?
I can barely get through the day as it is. I am in the middle of a relapse, and she knows this... and she brings this up NOW!!
My husband told her that would not be possible. Then she said...
ARE YOU READY FOR IT?
"Maybe she should be put in a nursing home?"
....... I really have no idea how to react to that.
I mean obviously I don't need to be in one. Look at what all I can do, not only for myself but others. I am caring for them... not them for me.
It's as if she was saying, "She is of no use to our family. She does not provide money. She does not clean. she is useless to us, to you (my husband) and to the girls, lets just stick her in a home and forget about her. She serves no purpose anymore."
I think in my 41 years of life that that is the cruelest thing anyone has ever said.
This is very cruel. Some people are going to be mean/hurtful no matter what you say or do. It sounds like it is difficult to distance yourself from them with them owning the house and working in the yard.
Does your husband speak up for you?
It sounds like your house is a lot cleaner than mine.
She is extremely controlling.
As for the crumb, they were not there last week... but there was a smudge on the refrigerator door.
The week before that, my carpet looked clean, and she could not find anything wrong so she got on her hands and knees and felt around and said she felt where something had been spilled.
And the thing is. I HAVE to get better from this relapse. But I can't. She keeps adding stress and I can't just stop for a week to rest.
I have no clue what to do.
I try hard to keep my house tidy, and reasonably taken care of, and things like cooking meals, etc. I don't think my "home work load" is even close to all that you do! You are doing a great job!
Don't allow your MIL to make you feel less than super, as I am certain that you are a super woman! :)
Your MIL must feel the "need" to make others feel less important. What a sad thing. She must really have a hard heart to have spoken such a thing to someone she ought to love! Her own DIL! Sad. I feel bad for your husband too!
Be strong, you are doing great! Take care of yourself, your family, the best you can!
Try to forgive her. It will free.... you! Chalk it up to fear she has in her life. Fear of landing a room at a nursing home herself one day.
and 4 years old? My FAVORITE age with my daughter!
Be blessed my friend!
Amy
It is a shame that people with no knowledge speak so ill of others. Something is not wired in her correctly to make her lash out at you like she did. Your house sounds like it is in great condition for having young ones about, much cleaner than mine and I only have a 17 year old! Please, don't be affected by her nasty comments. For some reason that women is just not happy in life and she wants others to be as miserable as her thus her nasty talk. Just communicate to your husband how important it is to you and to your relationship that he halts his mother when she starts talking like that about you. Say it once, and then never again and see what he does. I guess he told you about this conversation with his mother or did you over hear it? I hope he told you about it. Nobody knows what goes on between two people and it is very unfair of your MIL to speak her mind in this manner. As hard as it will be, ignore her and her bitchiness.
Alma
You need to try to concentrate about your health.
i am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of your health problems.
Even if you couldn't do all those things, even if you slept half the day or couldn't run around like you do going into assisted living or long term care is a very personal choice of which she (in my opinion) should not be involved in.
Honestly, I would call her out on her comment, and let her know why you are offended. Otherwise she will continue to act in a rude way.
Sometims family can be very cruel at times of ill health.
I was once a god mother for my neice Sarah. If anything happened to my brother & SIL I would take over. Here's what happened...
I was diangnosed with MS, they took me off as a potential god mother.
It was kind of sad, years later my SIL was diagnosed with MS.
Could this be God's way of finding out who's listeneing?
My house is clean enough to be called a home
Or something like that, get a pretty one a put it on the entrance and write below, if you don't like it don't come!!
Hey craftomaniac can sell you one!!!
Alma
We, especially my wife are not lazy. -At any given time, you probabaly will see a few crumbs on the floor, a couple of loads of laundry that are to be done. There ALWAYS is a stack of paper/mail cluttering the kitchen countertop. Where do I stop? Even without kids, we cannot keep up completely because we choose doing other activities that we feel are more important. (no, we do not watch much TV).
It would be fun to have her at my house for a week! ;) I think I could put her straight on a few thng, that is if she would make the comments to my face, raher than behind my back.
Gentle hugs, Linda
Amy