Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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I have had MS for a little over five and half years now. On top of that, I have 3 kids and a great husband.
Ok, so here's my story, please let me know of your opinions. My mother-in-law has never really acknowledged that I have MS until a month ago. For some reason, she decided that she was goin to help me with my household duties. I found this very odd, but took her up in helping me out. So after about a month of her coming over unexpectedly, sending texts saying what we were going to do that day and when, telling me how to parent my children and doing things that were of no help. These things of no help made it where I would have to clean up te mess when she left. For ex. She decided to go through all my kids winter clothes, remind you this is August. Therefore, I have many trash bags full of my children's winter clothes that she says need to be donated, now I have to go through all of these bags to make sure I'm not giving any clothes away that still fit or that are brand new. (she says I have way too many clothes in my house, there are 5 of us, so yeah that seems about right). Anyway, Sunday, she came over while I was gone to get my oldest from a friends house. When I got home, she had folded clothes. Yes nice gesture... But I have already told her multiple times that I make stacks for each person in the house so that they can put their own clothes up. Well, the clothes were all messed up in multiple stacks. She had not put them in a stack for each. This aggravated me to no return. So I started fixing the stacks and started to cry. My husband then got aggravated at me, so you can imagine this caused an arguement. I told him that she only does things her way, disrespects the way I do things in my house and tells me how to treat my kids. (she says that I should always be up their butts and yelling at them constantly). So my husband and I agreed that he would say something to her about it. Well, he did on Sunday. Yesterday, because I can't stand to hurt anyone's feelings or have anyone mad at me, I sent her a text saying that I do appreciate her help, but I have my certain ways of doing things like she has her ways at her house. I also said that I don't want our relationship to go down hill because of this. And that she is like a mom to me. Well 30 mins later, she responded and said I overstepped my boundaries and it won't happen again. Well if you knew her like I do, this is a smart comment. So I responded and said, well I just wanted to make sure that she knows that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Anyway, normally I would have heard from her multiple times by now and I haven't. My husband says not to worry and reminded me that she never wants to spend time with our kids and complains when she has to for me to see my neurologist. Who is 2 hours away from where I live. My question is, should I have left it alone or did I do the right thing? Now, she won't watch te kids or help in any way. Her helping did help me some with keeping up with the house since I don't have as much energy now due to MS. But on the other hand, she refused to do what I said needed to be done and refused to do things the way I do them. Am I being a B@$&"? Should I have sent that text yesterday?
Ok, so here's my story, please let me know of your opinions. My mother-in-law has never really acknowledged that I have MS until a month ago. For some reason, she decided that she was goin to help me with my household duties. I found this very odd, but took her up in helping me out. So after about a month of her coming over unexpectedly, sending texts saying what we were going to do that day and when, telling me how to parent my children and doing things that were of no help. These things of no help made it where I would have to clean up te mess when she left. For ex. She decided to go through all my kids winter clothes, remind you this is August. Therefore, I have many trash bags full of my children's winter clothes that she says need to be donated, now I have to go through all of these bags to make sure I'm not giving any clothes away that still fit or that are brand new. (she says I have way too many clothes in my house, there are 5 of us, so yeah that seems about right). Anyway, Sunday, she came over while I was gone to get my oldest from a friends house. When I got home, she had folded clothes. Yes nice gesture... But I have already told her multiple times that I make stacks for each person in the house so that they can put their own clothes up. Well, the clothes were all messed up in multiple stacks. She had not put them in a stack for each. This aggravated me to no return. So I started fixing the stacks and started to cry. My husband then got aggravated at me, so you can imagine this caused an arguement. I told him that she only does things her way, disrespects the way I do things in my house and tells me how to treat my kids. (she says that I should always be up their butts and yelling at them constantly). So my husband and I agreed that he would say something to her about it. Well, he did on Sunday. Yesterday, because I can't stand to hurt anyone's feelings or have anyone mad at me, I sent her a text saying that I do appreciate her help, but I have my certain ways of doing things like she has her ways at her house. I also said that I don't want our relationship to go down hill because of this. And that she is like a mom to me. Well 30 mins later, she responded and said I overstepped my boundaries and it won't happen again. Well if you knew her like I do, this is a smart comment. So I responded and said, well I just wanted to make sure that she knows that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Anyway, normally I would have heard from her multiple times by now and I haven't. My husband says not to worry and reminded me that she never wants to spend time with our kids and complains when she has to for me to see my neurologist. Who is 2 hours away from where I live. My question is, should I have left it alone or did I do the right thing? Now, she won't watch te kids or help in any way. Her helping did help me some with keeping up with the house since I don't have as much energy now due to MS. But on the other hand, she refused to do what I said needed to be done and refused to do things the way I do them. Am I being a B@$&"? Should I have sent that text yesterday?
baywatchkelly
She is just hurt and feels funny. Love on her. Time will heal. I think you did the right thing.
lchoppel
Anyone helping you should be willing to do things your way of doing them, as long as you explain how you wanted things done in the first place. When I go over someone's house and offer help, I make sure I ask them what they want done, and how they want it done. So, I don't think you were being bitchy by sending off that email, but a conversations would have been much more helpful and settling. Try talking to her, tell her that you appreciate and need her support more now than ever. Ask her to just see things a little bit your way, and you try to see things a little bit her way. Give over on some of the issues of the way she does things. Pick your battles. Does it really matter about the piles of laundry? At least she folded the laundry! It has to be a two way street for each of you. Both of you should be willing to give, but if she isn't, then it is tough for you and maybe you really don't need her assistance because she is causing more trouble by not doing things your way than helping. I personally think you are very lucky to have help like you are being provided, but I do understand what you are going through. Good Luck.
lorrieonline
I think that helping out and taking over are two different things. I'd give her some time to think about what happened and don't worry so much. I think it could be counterproductive for you to feel guilt over expressing your needs. You were honest and thoughtful about the way you said things if I'm reading this right. You didn't do anything wrong. You said your peace and now the ball is in her court. The only thing that's different is that you didn't let her take over your life.
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