Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group

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how can i explain to my boyfriend?

malinaC505
malinaC505
i've tried to explain how i feel the best during the morning and afternoon, like10-6pm, and evenings i really am just too burnt out

basically, after 8, i'm able to do very little, and i've explained why but i don't think i'm doing a good job explaining how ms fatigue works,

i've tried explaining to him by the spoon theory, national ms society articles, and youtube videos, but he still can't seem to understand why i don't want to go see a movie at 9pm, or always fall asleep if we go somewhere, or even are just sitting watching a movie

i feel really frustrated that he can't seem to understand that after a certain point, i'm just dead on my feet, any other ideas?
mixedupmelly
mixedupmelly
I'm not being sarcastic or funny or mean when I say this, but have him walk a day in your shoes. I found this helps people understand. When he wakes up in the morning, have him put on 20 lb weights on each arm and 40 lb weights on his ankles. Partially fill one shoe with sand and have him wear a swim fin on the other. Tape his ribs and calf muscles super tight. Don't cut off circulation, but almost. Give him a pair of goggles or safety glasses with one lense slightly smeared with vasoline, put cotton in one of his ears and he has to to keep a larger sized marble in his mouth. All day. He He should also drink 8oz of liquid every hour, and he can only eat half his normal.sized meals.
When it's bed time, put gravel under the sheets on his side of the bed. He can take the glasses, marble and swim fin off to sleep, but have the alarm set to go off every hour.
Then He gets to get up the next day and do it again. If he hasn't got it by the end of the second day, then shoot for a week of this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What is the purpose to "explain" anything. You are whoever you are, unless you win the lottery.

Either someone can accept it or they cannot.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Malina, hang in there with him. Talk to him and tell him of your worries. Tell him you love him, and are scared that he can't understand because if he can't understand, what type of impact is this going to have on your relationship? Just be honest. Maybe he can't truly understand, but maybe he can learn to ADAPT. If he can't do that, after all the talking, then he may not be the one for you. My marriage is far from perfect and we have been on a rollercoaster ever since the beginning. I have been with my husband for 24 years now, and that's the best advice I can give.
(((HUGS))) to you Malina!!!
lorrieonline
lorrieonline
One thing I'd like to add to this advice is to not attempt to do things you know you can't do. It might be sending a mixed message. He could be confused when you try to do things that you know you can't. Be yourself and if he's worthy of you, he will accept you for who you are like Ravenouswolf said.
lchoppel
lchoppel
I agree with response #1. Make him walk a day in your shoes!
ChrissyH
ChrissyH
Sorry ... but I just don't agree with walking a day in your shoes, This disease is just so horrible that I couldn't put others in the situation. I just think that if he cares enough that he will ask you for answers to his questions. Maybe have him go online to THE NATIONAL MS SOCIETY website, they have great answers for his questions ---that's just what I would do
hmmmingbird
hmmmingbird
Have you tried taking a nap or just relaxing in the afternoon so that you CAN do things at night?
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