Hi Everyone,

I'm new here. I am not in a good place... I'm not coping well. My Husband and I have been married for 21 years. We're very close. For the first time in our lives we became unemployed when Covid19 was as it's worst. 

We began looking for options for income including starting a business, which didn't work out. Finally we decided to look overseas for options, since the world was basically turned upside down. 

I suggested that he should apply to work on a cruise ship...which he did and got through. On his first contract , my world began to fall apart. I lost 15 lbs within a month ( more than 10% of my body weight). I got very physically ill. In addition to navigating all the challenges of not being employed, being a full time student with mental health issues... it was simply unbearable.

I cried daily, our conversations were sketchy at best since the connection on that ship was poor... In addition to that he worked an unreasonable number of hours, which were abnormal for his line of work... but due to covid it was such that the management didn't allow for the customary breaks which existed pre covid. Long story.

Anyway, I was all messed up... a grieving widow couldn't have grieved more than me. My husband "M" was my best friend and every thing about his absence was destroying me... As fate would have it, due to an unrelated situation, his contract was cut short and he was home within 3 months

The above was part A... What's actually going on now, was that, due to everything that we were going though and still not being able to find work locally, we had to move back to my childhood home... which I wasn't looking forward to.

The second stressor was school. I go to university online...1'st year, with a scholarship, so dropping out wasn't an option, as I'd have to pay it all back.

I have dealt with depression for most of my adult life and anxiety... so we'd learnt to structure our lives in such a way that we actually did pretty well, until Covid hit. Just prior to that, I was given the diagnosis of Bipolar 2 rapid cycling ... which I didn't accept at first...

But I began to accept when he went away for the 1st time due to the dysphoric episodes which ensued.

This time, they're back... It's just over 90 days since he went away...

I thought that this time, since we had a plan to communicate more frequently, and had done work in the areas which were a problem before hand, we'd have made it...

But it hasn't exactly gone according to plan. We communicate via whatsapp daily, but with this dysphoric episode and some other issues which triggered a huge episode which I'm still trying to settle , it's all too much.

Our lives were so intertwined. He was the stabilizing force in my times of illness... and now I just can't cope... as if having mental challenges isn't enough.

The reason that I joined this group is because maybe, someone can Identify with this long distance relationship while dealing with other family crises.

It's too much for me, and him coming home is a last resort, as we have no other form of income at this time.