Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) have just transitioned from long distance after basically living together this past semester at college. We have a fantastic relationship with great communication and it is super strong. I am always so excited to Facetime him every night/day (we usually only call once a day), but I usually end up very sad and moody by the end of it. The past few weeks I have cried after we hung up. Sometimes I start crying when we are on Facetime still or have a panic attack on the worse nights. It is not only negatively affecting my mental health but is now impacting my boyfriend's mental health as well. I guess the transition from waking up with him every single morning and going to sleep with him at night to talking for less than an hour on Facetime has been rough for me. I also work 50+ hour weeks and he is studying for his med school exam, so we are both busy people. Any advice on how to get out of this nasty cycle that is hurting both of us?
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When I was in a long distance relationship, it was fun to talk about what are we going to do the next time we get together. Make some plans for fun things to do and to look forward to.
How often do you two see each other now?
Since you know you might feel sad or moody by the end of the Facetime call, try to cut the call to maybe 30-45 minutes. Then maybe have another short Goodnight call later. I think these long 1 hour calls is what is bringing up your emotions.
Cut the calls shorter, maybe more frequent short ones, and keep busy with a social life with your friends. Working all the time is getting to you. See your friends, too! You need to be going out, and having some fun, too! Feeling lonely is probably what is driving these emotional feelings.
Good luck, you are going to be okay!
We get to see each other about once a month for a few days at a time.
I never thought about the timing of the call in that way- I always thought more time would be better but that actually sounds like a really good idea! I think short calls may be the way to go since we text throughout the day anyway.
I think that it can absolutely be attributed to loneliness- good point. I work night shift so I don't get to see much of my friends and family, but when I am off work for a few days I will definitely try to plan to socialize more.
Thank you again for your advice, I know everything will turn out okay in the end. :)
Also, do some surprise calls. Call or Facetime him at night, but don't tell him that you were going to call. Say that you know he's busy studying, but you just wanted to say that you were thinking about him and you just wanted to wish him good night.
And that's it. Quick 2 minute good night call. It's when calls drag on and on, that people get bored and annoyed. Remember - Less is more!
Guys love surprise things. Something where he knows you were thinking of him.
Don't be too predictable with him. Keep things fresh and spontaneous when you are apart. Guys love that.