Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
So I've posted before on here but now I need different advice. My bf and I are supposed to be ending our LDR at the end of this year or the beginning of next year. But whenever I ask where he sees himself in 3 or 4 years he either doesn't answer or doesn't include me. Previously, he's said that he wanted to get married and stuff but now he's terrified of getting married (again) or even having sex with me(I'm still a virgin). He says that he wants to go to therapy for his issues after he moves closer(He's already in therapy for other issues). I love him but I don't like being in a relationship where there are no goals and I don't wanna potentially wait 5/10 more years to get married/have kids(I'm already 26 so if I wait 10 more yrs I'll be in my mid 30s having kids and I'm not rly interested in that). So should I wait it out cuz he'll probly change his mind or jus be single and work on myself?
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So I went today to pick up the images of my heart to bring for the second opinion, and they said that they would be at the desk. They assured me that they would be there and that they would be open until 5 PM. I bypassed their stupid AI receptionist that gets everything wrong, and talked to the medical records person, and purposefully spoke to her to make sure we were on the same page, since I...
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I had a really good therapist last year year briefly, but when my insurance changed, I lost her. It was nearly impossible to find someone who could meet after work and wanted to meet in person. It took me five months. I finally found someone through a firm that I used to use and they opened up a location right near my house, like 15 minutes away and she had appointments at 5 and 6. It was ok...
I personally don’t think he’s really interested in this relationship and instead of waiting around hoping he’ll change his mind I think you should work on yourself .
Like you said, you can't wait around for years, after already waiting this long during the LDR, for him to maybe or maybe not, be ready for marriage and kids. And, his therapy could take a long time, once he gets back to your city. Possibly decades of therapy, after him being in the military, maybe he has PTSD or other issues with adjusting to civilian life again. And, what if he gets deployed again? Could you wait again for another decade or more?
When guys say things, believe them. He doesn't want to hurt you by getting your hopes up on something he probably can't deliver. He is trying to tell you that he doesn't want to get married (to anyone, this has nothing to do with you), and about even having sex, let alone having any kids. And, he'll have to do all the therapy that he needs, so he is letting you know that he has so much work to do on himself. That he doesn't know if or when he would ever be ready to take the next step with someone.
Please don't take any of what he is saying personally. If he's not ready, you wouldn't want to force him, right? You'd want him to want the same things you want in a relationship.
Work on yourself. Are you in any kind of therapy for long distance relationships? They are hard work and hard to keep together, I have been in a LDR (and we were engaged... and it still didn't work out and ended!).
Have your own full life where you are right now. Don't worry about him. Concentrate on you and what you want for YOUR life and happiness.
And, if things are meant to be with this guy, they will come back together later on. Sounds like he has a lot to work on first.
I'm proud of you for going about your life, without him. Please keep us posted.
Have a great life! :-)