Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
A couple weeks ago I met a lovely lady. We agreed to go at her pace since she has some trust issues. Hell, doesn't everybody have some kind of issues? I'm so tired of hearing that damn word. It's like when I was doing alcohol/drug councelling and I'd ask them a questtion and all I got was that insipid remark: "It is what it is..." I felt like bitch slapping them and saying: "Fuck no itisn't..."
Anyway. Though I enjoyed her company, she acted more like all she wanted was...nothing. I guess she is happy now she is free of a bad situation, and to be honest I'm not a part of her life anyway.
Back to being alone and lonely.
I was able just recently to change part of my situation. I don't qualify, here in Texas for any kind of medical, which means I can't pursue my SSI, and I desperately need it. In Houston, which is in Harris County, they have a medical thing for poor people. I already figure I qualify, going by what I have read. In Houston, instead of this "uncivilized" area I live in, I can meet people, even though broke, I can go places, if I walk there or find a way to ride the bus...hell, I might even meet a woman!!!
My older sister lives in the city, she knows of my problems, she has offered me to move in with her and my other niece. As of today, if things go right, I will move to Houston this Saturday. One problem is, she has no internet, which means I have to locate a program for low-income internet. I had it in California, by ATT and I believe they offer it here as a deal made with the FCC when they bought Dish...or when Dish bought them...I dunno. I found references online for other programs, so maybe it will work out.
But...today it hit me. I am returned to "zero". It's like one-step forward, pushed two-steps back. Happy and not lonely for two weeks has made me realize I am starving for a relationship, humans need that sort of thing and I amtired of being emotionally and intimately hungry.
I got some note from somebody who told me to read the Bible...Jesus saved them. Yeah? So what? God is the responsible power who put my wife in her schizophrenia, who then put me into my situation. I pray, but it certainly has done no good. I have been made fun of, by praying to Saint Jude, the Patron Saint of Improbable Outcomes...Impossible Causes. A perfect Saint for me, regardless of the fact I am spiritual and not religious, especially a "Modern Day Christian." No, please don't go off on me for what I said, all it will do is make me angry and worsen my mood. You can believe what you want, I don't care, just leave me alone because there is nothing in it for me.
I'm tired of waiting for a miracle, one which will never come. So don't start in on me.
Alone again...I was reminded of that this morning when I recieved a turn-down message from my oldest daughter for help. I have no idea what in hell has happened to her in the recent past. We were very close, now I might as well live on the moon. And I haven't even heard from my "middle daughter" either. Thank Jah, my youngest daughter experienced similar as I did, when it came to my "wife"...her "step mother." She knew the alter, the one I was married to, for eleven years too. She is the only one who gives a fuck about me, well, other than my oldest niece who has let me live out here in the ultimate boonies since mid-July.
It is true, I am proof of it, others are too if they admit to it: even with caring, loving family around, a human being can be totally alone and lonesome.
It is my hope this changes for me in Houston. I mean, look at the past couple of weeks. Even though it ended not the way I'd like for it to have ended...it was proof there are people (specifically women) out there who also are alone, lonely and want somebody too...well, ok, maybe she didn't, she's happy in her present life, with her friends. Maybe she is the rare one who doesn't need the beautiful experiences of intimacy between people, I dunno.
So...I look at this move to Houston as a positive...and hope it will come out that way...regardless I am back at "zero", again alone and lonely.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
https://www.lifelinesupport.org/ls/
You can also go to the local library and use their computers, as well, plus you can go to any hotspot and use your phone or laptop there. I use to use Macdonalds alot and there was another time when I walked into a hotel and used their computer. I wasn't even a customer there so that surprised me.
Lots of businesses have free wifi.
Check with the local department of human services and I am sure they will help you and you can go to the local food bank etc.
Good luck to ya. I hope it all works out.
Or they find out, and suddenly conversation goes from normal, to suddenly "blessings this/blessings that". They really have NO idea of what it's like to be the minority, and no clue how obvious they are. (passive-aggressive?....sometimes...sometimes not...but definitely sometimes)
In any case, they're not putting themselves in my shoes, and not likely to any time in the future. It's always been easier to label me a troublemaker.
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Anyway, I hear you about the loneliness.
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About the kids....I'm so sorry. I've had friends that were estranged from their kids. It's a pain like no other.
Good luck with the move. I have no experience with Texas.
I wish I could offer more, but I do care, Patti
i came to the conclusion i am a syncrinist (if i spelled it right) and was a subjectivist. i guess i always had been anyway.
my oldest daughter, she's in her late 30s, had a rough life at times, thought she had finally been able to figure things out, but maybe not. i believe she "settled" for the guy she's with, she seems happy but, well, i don't really think she is. her oldest son has some emotional, psychological, etc problems, brought about by possibly my daughter's drug use during pregnancy and genetics from both sides. she does have her own "issues" too when it comes to psychological things, when she was young, her mother ignored her a lot and refused to accept the idea her daughter had some problems. i wasn't with her mother past my daughter's age of 13...when she was 16, her mother basically chose some drunkard asshole her brother knew, over her daughter, which must have caused some serious problems.
i really didn't do much better either...our marriage was done with, i knew that but the wife refused to accept it. once again, acceptance is a problem with her. i made a choice which hurt my daughter, when i chose a new wife and then had a baby, so there were those to deal with. i guess she was hit hard by being rejected.
but we did work things out, at least for a good 15 years we seemed to be on good terms and then this year, i don't know what went on. i think something went haywire between 2016 and present time, but i don't know what.
my middle daughter...again rejection problems and a husband who is a total jerk. i always believed she was independent, thought for herself and all that, however going by the way she's been the past year or so...i don't know anymore.
thanks for caring Patti, I appreciate that a lot.
bobinmaine:
thanks for the reply. i have been having an on-going battle with the state of texas for the last several months. since i am originally a natural born texan and lived here for a long while...i know how this state is. it is way to draconian with many of its laws and humanitarian agencies. in a way they make in quite impossible for low-income or no-income people to live here...or should i say "survive" here.
been at odds for past three months with several "government phone" companies too, who seem to change their rules frequently enough too. i found one last night which seems to be fairly good and so far has followed not only their own rules but the fed one too.
both my sister and i qualify for low-income internet, i had ATT in california but it was horribly slow, so i actually had to upgrade to higher speed, but it was still cheaper than normal costs. if she doesn't go for it, then i will.
i can, in an angry way, deal with all of this crap. it's dealing with social security which is my main concern. i applied in california, got kicked three times and gave up. moved here and everything has to start all over.
it'd be so much easier for me to deal with this if i had a lady companion to share time with...to help me slow down, "decompress" from all the stress and just have some conversation...being hugged would be a wonderful thing right now.
odd how everybody i know, including the family, tells me to "give up" on wanting to find somebody...and put my mind on "more important" issues like learning to deal with life...etc...i think they are missing something here. i don't think they understand me very well. i NEED companionship, i need the positive emotions, the hugs, if you will, the connection...whatever one would choose to call it---it makes me stronger and it tells me i have at least ONE person who cares for me.
i don't think that's asking too much.
thank you for your reply...this is one reason i like this place, people sharing and reminding me i am not alone.
i tried to take your link but it took me to a blank spot.
sometimes i believe family are the worse. well, SOME family members anyway.
it's weird...there are times i like being alone and then times (more) that i HATE being alone. when it is too quiet memories come back and even the good ones, i am starting to hate.
i don't even find solace online...find a woman to chat with and they turn out to be fake. they get you feeling good and then they wham you with something, making it all worse.
one reason i am taking my older sister's offer up, is in hopes of some kind of twisty-fate thing in meeting somebody. there is certainly more of a chance to there. but all i am gonna do is cross my fingers on that one. i give up. i am not "going looking" anymore, it's not worth the eventual heartbreak of being fooled.
there is a catholic church within walking distance and though i'm not one, nor religious, i figure i can attend mass sometimes, just for being around people, unless my social anxiety breaks out. hell, i might even find someone there, who knows? i can't completely give up. my nature refuses to do that.
i have no idea what to do. while i live in this particular suburb of hell, my "wife" or her alter has somewhere to live, has money, probably a car by now and whatever else...she got rid of me so fast i didn't have time to get 90% of my "things." i had a month to go before i would start getting $ and her alter was so hateful and vindictive, she refused to allow us to stay together long enough for that to kick in. she left me both financially as well as emotionally destitute. i don't even know if she is alive.
with chagrin, i oftrn wish "spock" was real, so i could get him to :"mind wipe" all the bad memories away...