Hi and welcome to DS. I’m sorry you are struggling with this. We all know no one else can make us happy, it comes from within but we also know how hard it is. I hope it’s just normal ups and downs in your marriage and you can ride it out.

thank you. I hope so too. Usually the up and perky happy positive influence. I have felt this way...

I’m coming to terms with my codependency at 50. You’re fortunate to see this so young. I have been married for 30 years to the sweetest woman and she’s my soulmate. We’re also presently living on opposite sides of the planet. It was time for both of us to meet ourselves and build a new relationship. After two months I want another two. I miss her, yet, at this point, would miss me more because I’m still learning about how to be free. Until I love myself the way I am worth loving I can’t be a whole person in my marriage. It’s something I’ve denied all my life. I had my 50th bday in India last fall and I had a shift in my mind about why. I’ve been separate too long from me and my connection to Earth and all it’s wonders. Recovery is a process but it’s the only sane path for me now. Actually is exciting now that I’ve peeled away the painful stuff and am getting a clearer picture of who I am.
It’s a noble endeavor to want to be present with yourself and anyone can do it. No mystery here, just practice and patience.
I didn’t know how to be alone either. Even though my job is often lonely I always had my wife to come home to. That’s too much pressure on a relationship. She’s the same way so we’re finding a deeper connection with being apart.
The most amazing thing I’ve been doing for the past few years is going on a daily walk. Alone. I find quiet places and walk and settle my mind. It’s helped so much.
All the best:)

I have a friend just like you, and I don't come across people like this often. When this friend is not busy or doing something for others, she's always unhappy and depressed. I feel sorry for her and I know one day it will all come crashing down on her. Please get some help before your life falls apart. If there's a hosptical or clinic anywhere near you, please call them, they may have mental health support there. And I really will pray for you that your marriage stays put. It's very hard being single out there.

Many of us feel lonely with the pandemic stuff. It is both scary and alone making. Sometimes we look for instant answers just to be fixed fast. This rarely works. Change, real change, is both a process and hard. It is something I work on daily, and yes I mean daily. I would suggest a couple of things to you to help you figure out what makes you tick. Start a written journal, on paper if you can. It helps with the emotional release and the brain changing from rumination to not ruminating. Also, the book Codependent No More has good chapters with exercises at the end of each chapter. I found it very helpful in understanding myself. There is a saying "this too shall pass" that sometimes feels like people who say it are denying how we feel. But it is true. If you can hang on to how you will feel differently, think differently, and be different in one year, it may help you get through or cope with this current emotional crisis. Why? Because you are worth it.

Thank you all.
At this point, my wife and I have decided to move forward with a divorce. She has been cheating for a while and with someone from her past that I have had suspicion for. She continuously tried to deny it and put the guilt on me for making things up, but the truth came out and she admitted to it.

I left town for a bit to surround myself with family and those that I love and I know love me. But it is still hard on me. I keep waking up looking for her. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. Although I am surrounded by people I still feel so alone without her.

I am trying to focus on myself. But for the first time I really am a single woman. That is something I never really experienced. It scares me. I definitely looked into a couple places and reached out for help.

@gardner, thank you so much for the book recommendation. Im going to buy it right after.

Thanks for sharing this destined,

I suffered from co-dependence myself for several years. I think the final breaking point for me was having to sacrifice so much of my identity to please those around me that after awhile, I looked in the mirror and didn't even know who I was anymore.

One day I told myself that I had had enough. I missed being "me" and just being who I really was without trying to please someone or pretending to be someone I wasn't just to fit in.

Shakespeare famously wrote "to thine own self be true." Was it scary not pleasing people at first? Yes, it was, but it ultimately led to self discovery that would have not otherwise been possible. I think I greatly feared rejection at first, but ultimately, you will find that most people will respect you more for being honest with them.

I'm sorry you're going through this. As I read your post, I found so many similarities in my own life. And that is why I'm a new member looking for someone/anyone, people that can relate and/or understand. Trying to figure out who I am without my S.O. too. Good luck to you and I hope you are able to embrace being alone. I know we have to love ourselves first but that can be easier said than done.