I got out of myself by volunteering. I started at a hospital. Made some acquaintances, got a job and went on from there. It didn't happen all at once but gradually. I also went to school--jr college and got a computer programs certificate.
Make a small goal, my first was volunteering. When you make the first one, think of another and another if necessary. I also stepped out of my comfort zone to get a job. I got more out of that than I could have ever imagined.
Life is an adventure, live one day at a time but look forward to tomorrows adventure. It is worth it!!
Take care
M.C.

I agree with mary to make goals that are achievable....those increase positive emotions when reached....

I struggle with the same negative thoughts. What helps shut up the inner negative thoughts for me is I like to do mantras and meditations. Its not for everyone but focusing on the mantras quiets the thoughts and then things seem more pleasant and when things are more pleasant I want to do more.

I know this sound silly but one thing I do for negatives thoughts is I sing a song it any song that pops in my head because your so focus on the lyrics that you totally forget the negative thoughts...

I agree with singing - even if you can't. I am a musician, and music is the friend that found me after my dead marriage. It gave me life and breath. When I sing, even very off key - maybe even a monotone, the vibrations wake my body, mind and spirit up. Just try one song. My first song of all of the songs was Three Times a Lady (the Commodores of eras past). Even thinking of the lyrics helped bring my self esteem up, because the chorus was so true and reassuring after the so brutal years I had gone through. I pretended that Lionel Richie was actually singing those reassuring words to me.

It's now almost thirty years later, and I look back on that song as being a life saver. I still listen to it because I am STILL single, and too busy with my piano class, performances and writing music while supporting myself. Every once in awhile I still need to hear the voice telling me that I did a great job, and that after all the hard work, I am still a lady.

I push myself, especially through physical exercise. If there isn't already a challenge in front of me, I create one.

Why bother keeping yourself fit just for you even though there's no man around to impress? So you can stay healthy enough to continue to enjoy the things you enjoy doing, all by yourself, independent of anyone else. I too grapple with thoughts of self-loathing, but in DOING things, I find enjoyment in the DOING, which keeps those thoughts at bay.

when you stop giving a damn about what other ppl expect of you then and only then will you be free to live your life and eventually find random love again, you cant change how others perceive you and not everyone is going to like you, your gonna have to accept that

Positively, aggressively create. If you don't like your creation, destroy it, or chip away at it, until you've created something you DO like. Admire your creation. Then create something else. That's what God does. In doing the same, we tap into the divine, become a little bit of God, celebrate and nurture the God within us, ourselves.

Have you tried the arts? Drawing, painting, sculpture, photography, videomaking, acting, singing, dance? They're very freeing and expressive. Maybe take a class or two in the arts at the local uni or community college, not to go for a degree, but just to dabble for personal interest.

I love your ideas koolman, the problem for me is that God didn't give me any talents!!! I also agree about not worrying what others think and even though that is hard to do, it's not impossible. And singing??? Oh yes, I can't sing like everything else, but I absolutely love music to help my moods. I am going to share one that no matter how I"m feeling, I cannot stop my foot from moving and my head from bobbing!! LOL
Hugs GB

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM

P.S. My son just mentioned that I am really talented at putting myself down, cutting myself with any sharp object, and falling off chairs and landing on the floor when changing a light bulb. Never thought of those as a talent.. Hmmmm.. Funny kid!!

The best cure is to help someone else.

Sounds weird but its true.

Find someone or something to care for, to get up for in the morning.

I am in the same boat and my therapist has me volunteering (trying to) at the local school.

You need to rebuild your Identity without being a wife. No easy job especially after so long, you must be feeling absolutely blindsided.

The world as you know it has turned upside down.

The path to the future is to stabilize it by building your own Identity again.

You had one once, way before you became somebody's wife! What did that girl enjoy and find satisfying?

All the best. You are not alone xxx

Thanks GrievingMum, you are certainly a breath of fresh air to this group, normally we get seek help, get meds, blah,blah blah, from the most of the earth dwellers that can't seem to get their foot out of their ?

My apologies I was in the wrong group. Please ignore my message. Thanks

I to want to change.
I never had an answer to that until just the past couple of weeks.
I did a meditation "course" on how to change beliefs and how our beliefs are driving us to places that we don't want to be.

It really has been eye opening and I am seeing that the dark thoughts that I have (not being good enough, having to be perfect, feeling like I don't deserve anything good at all in my life) are from others abusive parents abusive friends etc.

It isn't who I really am. I have had a life filled with pain and abuse. I don't want to have an empty future anymore. The only way to change it is to chose what we want to believe....easier said than done.

A great one I just heard yesterday is write an I deserve list.
I deserve to be happy, to have friends, to have money, to feel good about myself. Etc. I know it sounds a bit superficial at first. But I think if we can start to believe that we deserve goodness in our life and not the dark thoughts...then we will slowly become changed.

Maybe think less about changing because that implies something is wrong with you and there is not. Make changes and improvements in your life instead.
The only thing I can add is to see the thoughts as just thoughts not necessarily truths. Our own thoughts can be our own worst enemy sometimes. Good luck with your new life and adventures.