How much in-person time do you two spend together that doesn't involve any sex?

I believe this was the person you connected with online initially?

If you jump into sex right away, it's hard sometimes to turn it backward into a real relationship. Having sex or talking about sex at first, makes some guys think it's just a booty call situation, and they won't even try to have the relationship part.

Maybe it depends on how much either of you want it? Neither willing to commit doesn’t sound like a match made in Heaven. Perhaps you should take a hard look at yourself and figure out what YOU really want, you can’t change him, he’s got to want it too.

Would you agree that this doesn't really sound much like a love story and more like a friends with benefits situation? You have to ask yourself how much longer you want to go on with this. 12 years is a long time already, are you ready for 12 more of the same thing and never getting any further with it?

I completely understand that commitment is scary but if he's not taking things seriously and you are afraid to commit than this is really nothing more than friends with benefits and it will only ever be that, That is unless you both really figure out what it is that you truly want with each other. A real relationship with all the goods and bads and ups and downs or casual sex with nice conversation on the side.

Foolish in love is a trite, meaningless phrase. Our culture uses phrases like this to make something sound wonderful and romantic when it really isn't a good relationship. Foolish in love simply makes it acceptable to yourself to do things that sound like you are unhappy with. So instead of being honest with ourselves and doing the change that is needed, we say "but I love him" to absolve ourselves from taking responsibility for our own life. At least be honest with yourself in however you want a relationship to be. If we break this down to just "foolish" -- is this really what makes you happy - being foolish makes you feel good about yourself? Maybe it sounds exciting to call it this, give meaning to something you don't actually find fulfilling? If you are happy with no commitment, what does it matter that this guy isn't eager to commit either? Love isn't enough, there has to be shared goals and values, mutual respect, personality compatibility, etc.

You two both are too scared to move on, and I don't know if both of you would be able to. It's perfect the way it is now. Maybe you should just leave it be. If one of you tries to move forward, it may have a devastating effect. BOTH of you have to want to move forward at the same time.
Hopefully you both could do this because it sounds like it could be something beautiful.
I can't advise you, but maybe some couples therapy could help?

I know it can be so hard to advise someone who is not necessarily making the best decisions and yet wants help. Thank you all for taking the time with me. So many of us have been there - sitting back and watching the person who may or may not be plowing ahead on a bad road, wanting to give them a better perspective so they won't make mistakes. Ironically, I have been in that position with others before now.
Who knows what will happen? I continue to try to weigh out my decisions and for now am removed a few steps back from the situation.
I want to say thank you all for reaching out. Especially by exercising patience with me. It means a lot to know there are people who care to try to help and I will pay this forward to others.
Many warm thanks and deepest appreciation to you all.
<3 <3 <3

I read your revision and I can now see more clearly what you were initially trying to convey.

I also do see now that there is most definitely a love story going on here. But I also see what you're hangups are as well. I can tell he is very uncomfortable expressing his feelings to you and that comes off as him not caring or being serious. I have a few scenarios that could be the reason for this.

1. Is it possible that he may have been in a relationship in the past that ended badly and he was deeply hurt by it resulting in him being afraid that it could happen again only with you this time?

2. He is just someone who is not good at expressing his feelings?

3. He is just straight-up afraid of commitment altogether and wants to keep you at bay by telling you his feelings in a roundabout way?

There could be other reasons too but these are the ones that stick out to me the most.

I feel without a doubt you both are not doing so well at communicating in certain areas, some you are doing great in. But because of the areas your struggling in that inability to do so effectively and openly is only going to result in things becoming more complicated down the road. Or staying stationary and not really going anywhere. The not-so-well areas are going to take precedence over the good. I feel you both need to find a way to open up with each other and work on building up strong communication skills where they are currently weak, Once you can do that I think things will be great between the two of you. You already have the start to a potentially good solid foundation. It just needs some adjustments. :)

I didn't mention the trust issues you briefly mentioned because I am not sure what you meant by that so I didn't want to make assumptions. =)

@wolvessonata
I'm overwhelmed that you took the time to help me not once but twice. And your advice is so deep and well-considered. Without knowing for certain, I would guess that you have a true gift and love for helping others.

Regarding your actual points, I think there is some truth in the first and third areas you noted, most especially with being hurt by others. In this case, familial hurt that runs deep rather than a romance. And my own hangups include major violations of my boundaries going back a long way. Not to the point of abuse but quite a lot of messed up stuff nonetheless.

I will take your advice to heart and think over the best way to move forward.

But please also know how deeply grateful I am to you. My very best wishes to you and yours.