HI Gang,

I used to have friends, I wasn't ms popular in school, but I had friends. Other people like me who weren't part of the "in" crowd.  Then when I came online I made friends with people who followed certain shows.  in a fandom.   I even went on vacation to Canada with one group.  Then I found people in other fandoms that we would get together.  Now over time we've all gone our separate ways.    I was living with friends and they have moved away. I was invited to go with them, but I didn't want to live where they moved to.   I moved in with a lady who ended up being very cruel to me,  so I moved out of there.  Where I am living now is much better.  I am friendly with the lady I moved in. Her dog is weird, sometimes he growls at me, but he's not aggressive.  He just is very protective of my housemate.    We've done some stuff together,  and we're friendly. But I just don't feel the bond I have felt in the past with friends.  I live in a townhouse community and the other friends I have made here have also moved away.    I belong to a meet up group,  but we haven't been as active as in the past. Mainly because of weather or construction concerns.    

I am working at Home Depot,  I've been there for 3 years.  I hate it.  I almost got another job in Jan, at Goodwill.  But after going through their orientation meeting I found far too many red flags for me to accept the job.   

I don't know what to do with myself.   I wish I had someone to talk to, someone to advise me. Someone on my wide.  I have an older brother, but the only person he cares about is himself.   He lives in FL and I went to see him 3 years ago.  We hadn't seen each other in 9 years.   We went to Disney and to all intended purposes I might as well have been there by myself because he was not very engaging with me.    He treated me the same way when we lived together.    

I've learned a hard lesson.  That you have to sometimes cut toxic people from your life.     I just wish that I had someone to talk to and someone who could help me get unstuck with my life.   I've tried counseling but so far they haven't worked out.  I just started going to a depression group,  we'll see how it works out.