oh my.....I might be more lonely but in my dating life I am existentially isolated....I can socialize but I cannot date and love.....

That is a very good distinction to make, I feel like loneliness is used interchangeably with many other words, making it too much of a confusing umbrella term. I'd say I've also struggled with existential loneliness, it comes and goes.

Wow that article sounds amazing. I feel like I related more with existential isolation because even though I am surrounded by people I know such as my friends and family I feel like they don't understand, if that makes sense? For instance, my parents threw a get together for my birthday and the room was filled with people I've know yet somehow I felt like I was not in the same room. I felt like I was staring at people around me and with a fake smile just nodding.

It sounds like you two may have state EI and that’s pretty common and normal if I understand what I’ve read properly.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/jts5.41

Apparently there are two types. State EI provokes people to go out and try to relieve the feelings by trying to connect. Trait EI means you have given up hope and just stop trying. I think I’m slipping into State EI unfortunately and that may be a consequence of getting older but also insecure attachment in infancy making it more likely to happen. I guess bullying, abusive relationships and other social problems could also make it more likely. Fascinating stuff.

In some cultures it would be seen as a good thing spiritually. Wish I was born in India lol.

I'm an isolated hermit. There is no existentialism in me.

I'm also the shyest and most awkward person ever created. It's a lethal mixture.

In my marriage, my ex used to tell me that I made him feel like "home".

***

I have always wondered what that felt like.
As a kid, I'd sit for hours and watch families at the pool or elsewhere. You have to be careful, they'll be angry if they see you looking. It's NOT okay to pretend to be part of their family. Those hugs are NOT for you. Those smiles are NOT for you.

You're good enough to go help clean out the garbage cans, but you're not part of or ever will be part of their family.

And that's the total truth. One is either born lucky or not.

I was not lucky.

And when you're not lucky...people are constantly telling you that it's your own fault.


Like what you wrote the other day about advice to join a club. Been there, done that, and told what I shit I was for doing that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKY-smJ6aBQ

(This is the song that I play to give myself comfort. "I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died"...."I have my books and my poetry"...

Damn...someone understood. Someone understood. Someone understood. I know full well how unwanted I am. But just once...someone understood.

You’re not unwanted or misunderstood here Patti. Big hug for you.

I have two people on this Earth that know me and accept me (my children). How that actually came about...I'm not sure.

No one else really knows me. I keep 99% inside. I'm not sure how to put it, but you've got no chance to understand me...when I do that.

But...I do it for a reason. Just like you said about the advice about joining clubs...don't think that I haven't shared what's inside of me...at times. It just never goes well. My world view...is just very, very, very, very different from the way everyone else sees the world. Look, I'm okay. Isolation beats the hell out of wishing that I was alone. I've also now found peace...and that's priceless.

I try not to intellectualize negative feelings....It seems to be my ego's playground because ego's love to analyze and that's what always got me into trouble.

In Truth, I am never alone.

God Bless

I’m glad you found what works for you bob. We’re all different and for me knowledge is power and has a good effect on me.

Very interesting information. I also think that trying to isolate with people with are feeling upbeat can cause one to feel more depressed because of the extra effort that it takes to keep up the act. Not sure if this relates to Ext. Loneliness or not For me it's a fine line between getting out and doing things with the right person and not subjecting myself to people who will never understand my situation. Thanks for the information

Miss you Loo

This is a very interesting concept to think about. I feel as though, without much thought, people would categorize the two concepts as the same thing, but there is a clear distinction between the two. Being a very anti-social person, I find myself feeling lonely often. That being said, I don't find it difficult to connect with others. I guess it's just a socializing preference that can lead to the feeling of loneliness rather than a disconnect from people.