well depression is a big old nasty that many lonely people deal with...and it negatives everything else in our lives...we are not worthy because we have xyz issues...I am not good looking enough....I am poor....I am fat....all I want is friends everyone wants sex from me....

I think you working out in health club is good...and also good way to meet people who do similar things as you....gotta reach outside of being lonely and try to meet others....obviously you tried that while in relationship and ruined the relationship...but it probably was not the right relationship and needed to come to end...basically you just gotta keep on moving on....get new bf and enjoy him namely all the fun you can and will have with him...

hope I helped....depression sucks...if need be see doctor for help with meds in this area...because meds can help...it might not be great to get started on getting meds but once you get the right med you will know it and will engulf the med as a help to your entire life....

I take anti depressant....if I go off when I am feeling great some problem comes along and I am depressed again and seem to think I need my med back...so now it is standard of living on the med

I tend to be a bit over the top...so you will know where I am coming from ..hopefully. I am in the process of re-inventing myself ,, that is,, if such a thing is possible,, being alone is not the same as being lonely,, it is pretty much how you deal with where it takes you,,, I have my bout of depression,,, but usually something occurs (nothing big),, that takes me out ,, and I get to be crazy again,, that is my personality,, until the next hole I fall into,, relationships are like shoes you see in the shoe store.. they are exactly what you want and they sort of have your size but the fit is real tight.. You hope they loosen up with wear,, they may but more times than none ,, you will only get nasty blisters or worse,, Hey,,, but they looked so good on me in the store and they fit ok then,,, well sort of ,

"...focus on myself, recover, heal, and change one day at a time, exercise, and try to think positively."

You're on the right track there.
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"But even these things are great and very challenging tasks to remain consistent with."

Hey, I've got news for you. Happiness requires work.

As far as your kissing another guy while in a relationship, obviously there was a reason (you were bored or unhappy), so please go easy on yourself. You're human, and humans are weak.

Single and alone, coupled and lonely, married and lonely...loneliness affects all. I think you're on the right track with the exercise. Stay loose and stay vulnerable. If there's no immediate person to love, just love yourself and love life, love nature, love the cool breeze and the warm sun.

It sounds like you are already on the right track. Like you said "focus on myself, recover, heal, and change one day at a time, exercise, and try to think positively". If you already know all this then that's a good start.

Regret is potentially the worst emotion. You will never be happy if you continue to live in the past. I've struggled with this a lot in my life.

Forgiving yourself is truly the hardest part of the process. Not only do you feel bad for hurting someone you cared about but you also feel like maybe you missed the chance to be happy. This is not true though.

One day you will feel like yourself again. It might take a long time but if you know you want your life to change and you focus on everything you mentioned above without losing hope it will happen. Persistence is key along with positive thinking. When you wake up in the morning tell yourself that you will have the life you want. When you experience a setback, just laugh about it and move on.

There are a lot of good people out there who would brighten your life. You just have to find them. Learn how to let go of the past and start living for the future.

Best of luck!

You have to forgive yourself. Replaying it and punishing yourself
won't help at all. You didn't mean for it to happen. 3 yrs of punishing yourself is way too long. One good thing about going out and tryiing to meet people - even if you don't meet who you want to, you
are much more content being alone, because, it's kind of exhausting -all the anxiety and the effort makes home more welcoming. And, of course, there's always the chance of meeting a guy you like!

ClassicKris27, reading your post was so near & dear to my own situation. Identical actually.

Every comment you have received I obsorbed. Lonliness really sucks, then you add the depression..I understand all too well. I just accepted that I have been depressed for years yesterday.

Try to keep your head up. I know it's easier said than done..Trust me I know.

Thanks all for the comments. I know it was for her, but I got a lot out of it as well. So thanks.

I've also been struggling with loneliness and regret following the breakup of a 3-year relationship. I've been blaming myself non-stop...I had several chances to save it, but was too self-absorbed, and now I've lost someone I love very much.

However my therapist says that we often idealize former partners after a relationship ends, and our image of them rarely reflects reality. She recommends that I trust that there were reasons the relationship wasn't working to begin with and it's likely that I knew that intuitively, which was driving my behavior. I'm still struggling with it, but it is beginning to help. I recommend you trust that you're a reasonable person who was not feeling fulfilled in the relationship...that's what was driving your behavior.

A coping mechanism I've been exploring lately is mindfulness meditation. It's not religious and doesn't even need to be spiritual. It's simply a method of relaxing your mind, acknowledging unpleasant thoughts and emotions, and letting go of them. The goal is to quiet and still your mind of thoughts for as long as possible. People who are skillful at this say it's a powerful way to be at peace and see things as they really are. I found a group on MeetUp.com and attend a guided meditation class once a week. I also try to practice on my own once a day. It does seem to help. There are kindred spirits in the group as well. Other people going through similar life dilemmas are in the class, so it ends up feeling very supportive. If you live in a big city, there is undoubtedly a group like that. I recommend giving it a try.

I liked what you said half way through your post. Focus on yourself, recover, heal, and change one day at a time, exercise, and try to think positively. and one more thing that might help, is to volunteer somewhere. If you are an animal lover, I highly suggest the SPCA. Don't try to take on everything at once, just one thing at a time or you will be overwhelmed and start to back slide. And also, remember that you have us. Hugs GB