Some of these things can be overcome, I was bullied, few helped, and I developed an empathy for people and try to make a difference. And I had a perfectionist type parent and realized I would not satisfy her all the time and it didn't matter if I did not.

Perhaps you can meet someone in a less intimidating circumstance, church, etc. You seem nice so try to stop this am I good enough stuff. Get some nice clothes, smile and be upbeat, listen and compliment, and you'll probably find someone.


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Have you considered talking to a therapist? It seems you have had past trauma, and a therapist could help you with that and also with meeting new people in the future.

50 is young. You will meet someone. You will make friends. It won't be easy, but once you put yourself out there a little bit at a time, you will soon meet lots of new people. Easier said than done, but you can do this!

Bobby and Girl have good suggestions. Newsflash: you are just as good as anyone else! I just changed my profile pic on Facebook. It looked more like me than the previous one. I am older and my face is rounder. I got a lot of compliments on it which surprised me. I am 64. You are only 50. You have to turn this around and you can.

I think it is wise thinking actually to recognize that your circle is growing smaller and smaller. Many of us older adults are isolated and alone, sometimes from death or family estrangement, but often from our own decisions to not try with other humans. Your sibling isn't able to be your best friend. Mine is not either, my husband's siblings are warped and dysfunctional and not friendship material. This is what we got. Maybe sister has the same DNA as you and suffers as you do from brain health disorders?


What we focus on grows stronger. You have social anxiety and that is something that limits us at times but can be overcome or managed better. Many of us fake it until we make it, meaning we go into new groups with a bit of anxiety, but push ourselves to just do it. You can either allow it to limit you or you can work at making it not limit you. This may take therapy and certainly takes being willing to change. It is hard work to change but you can do it. Because we will simply be happier with some friendships. This is research based. Isolated people and isolated older adults have more depression and live shorter lives. (I am older than you!)

You assume people are rejecting you. It is really that we are rejecting life and friendships when we isolate and blame others like this. The problem starts within ourselves. This is why good therapy can help. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy. Also starting a journal of goals and gratitude will help you turn your thinking around. Every day, or evening, write out 3 things you are grateful for that happened that day. Start to focus on the people in your life who love you and want friendship rather than being focused on what you don't have.
Set up a few goals, start small. Like you will attend one social thing or class or hobby group per week. Or volunteer with animals or children if you like either. Say hello and talk to the other people around you.

In this journal, list out what do you like to do, set up a list of your likes and interests and then seek groups that fit. I know you said social anxiety but you can allow that to isolate you and make you lonely -- or you can decide to work towards a goal of having friendship no matter what.

It isn't easy for any of us unless one is a big extrovert who thrives on energy from other people.

Don't give up on your plan. Give it 3-4 years of regular trying. I went to about 4 book clubs before I settled on one that is friendship oriented. I was doing some church hobby classes before the pandemic and I didn't like most of those either. But we have to keep trying and not give up. At one point, I had 3 women say "let's do lunch" (they initiated) and then when I tried to confirmed our plans, they all blew me off, didn't respond, canceled and never called back, etc. I felt really defeated and took a six month break. Then I had two new friends get political, different sides of the political divide, which amused me but it ruined those growing friendships. My point is, keep trying. You'll have some success but also duds. Don't focus on the duds.

And last summer I realized that I was not focused on the friendships right in my face. I realized I had to get out of my comfort zone and stop having excuses. If I am not bonding with the women in my new hobby class or the subject isn't one I actually like, then find something else. I am an introvert so I am not always comfortable doing all this new stuff but like you, I see myself as potentially alone and lonely in my last years if I am the last one to die in my small circle. That scares me.

Oh, and I want to say start practicing connection with other people on here. Respond to at least one post per day. Reach out to initiate the friends thing on here. Click on the name of anyone whose posts resonate with you and then click on the friend button on their name page. By responding to others, you become a giver back. By responding to others, you practice being social without having them face to face. It is good for us.

You can do this...just take baby steps, and it takes a lot of patience. There is a woman at the pantry where I volunteer. She's an only child and has no family at all left.
So, as soon as I met her, she wanted to exchange phone numbers. She seemed friendly enough so I did give her mind. Now, every once in a while, she contacts me and asks me if I want to go to a movie with her or something. I think she's got everyone's phone number, and if I can't go, she'll find someone else to go with. This is what you have to do, you have to put yourself out there. The suggestions above are great too!!

I'm experiencing the same thing. Dating is hard because the sites are filled with catfishers. I have social anxiety disorder and was bullied all through school so it's hard for me to make friends.
I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

First of all your problems are very relatable and I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through all of that. There's a saying that goes ‘the only thing that we can control is ourselves’. So, it is going to have to be a lot of your own personal mindset to help you move beyond your fears and insecurities. Which by the way everybody has but most people won't admit to it. I would encourage you to go to meetup.com and look for interest groups to get involved with. They have hundreds of things, hiking, book clubs, stained glass painting, hang gliding. You name it it's probably there. But that way you won't feel as isolated and overtime people will get to know you and you will develop friendships.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I am looking into groups on Meetup that interest me, and I am going to talk to my counsellor about the feelings I mentioned here.