Just my opinion here, but this sounds like someone who has been damaged emotionally, had no good role models, has already cheated on you, I say unless you want more of the same, find someone else.

Yeah, that would explain why she's such damaged goods.

Since it's early on, I'd move on... without her.

If you are here for support this early on in the relationship, I am going to have to say save yourself. Her situation is unfortunate and I would recommend she get help with her past, but no one is worth putting yourself though what you have coming ahead.

It may explain it, but it does not excuse it. What else can be blamed on this background? Criminal activity? Cheating obviously.....

No. At a certain point we take responsibility for our actions, rather than blaming our past.

Cut and run. Or be willing to accept that any poor behaviour is " not her fault"...

She needs help. It's very sad she had to endure such a bad upbringing and was witness to a lot of poor behavior and choices from 2 people who are supposed to be her role models. However, since this is "all she knows" she will be able to justify her actions. It will most likely happen again since this is the environment she grew up in, and she's already cheated on you once.

How old are you guys? How long are you together? Is this a deal breaker for you? See if she will agree to IC (individual counseling). She needs to break the cycle and thought process that when things get tough or boring or whatever, she goes outside of the relationship. She's mistreating you.

Good luck.

Agreeing with the above comments. I once read a valuable perspective on the "my bad childhood made me do this" rationalization. Past childhood experiences shouldn't justify bad behaviour. In fact they should make the victim *more sensitive* - not less - to the pain caused by bad behaviour, and therefore more likely to avoid doing it to someone else. So it's never an excuse. It actually seems manipulative - like an excuse to continue the pattern. I also feel that if she is bringing out the rationalizations this early it is not a good sign. The longer you wait in a bad relationship the harder it is to get out, so I would say if ties are not deep to cut and run.

So the others have said what I feel is best. That is, end this relstionship sooner rather than later. She has damage (as we all do) and has already allowed that to cause you pain. She will continue to do this to you and or future relationships until she gets help and works on the part of her that causes her to act out and hurt people she cares about. Not everybody uses their damaged past as excuses for bad behavior. Those who do need to get help to change that.

Yes this is early on and getting out would be your best bet. Unless you want to go along for the ride with her, I suggest you wish her well and count your losses.

I agree with others posts and views on your situation. I had a horrible upbringing. I had brothers who were virtual manwhores who hurt their wives and families repetitively. I saw this as a youngster, as they were far older than me. Did that induce me to want to follow that path? Quite the opposite. I saw the devastation and hurt, and I never wanted to inflict that on anyone, so I didn't. That is "no" excuse whatsoever. Mommy did it. Daddy did it. The society does it. So I do it? And, if mommy, daddy, and the society jumps off a bridge to certain death, does that mean I will? Nope!

Ok so I should have said that she didn't use her past as an excuse. I just did a bit of digging and discovered that. Also, we have not actually met , currently its online but we ere extremely close and she knew she was doing wrong.

It's been about 4 months now. She told me what she had done. I know that it wasn't serious and she was devastated that I was going to leave and cancel meeting up.

I have never had an online romance before as I always thought it was impossible and not real. However we are close. And also I may have done the same thing as we hadn't met yet.

Se is sincerely sorry and appears dedicated to proving to me that it was just a mistake. It was me that ttying to find an explanation that I discovered this about her past. She never used it as an excuse. She didn't try to make any excuses. She knows she messed up.

Maybe I am making a mistake. But somebody gave me a chance before and I probably didn't deserve it.

Everybody deserves one chance don't they?

Sorry, but "online romance" is an oxymoron.

She "cheated" on you, but you never met???

This is not a real situation, so there's nothing lost OR gained in this.

When you get a real relationship, don't get caught up with someone with so much baggage.

If she can't behave herself online, how would she ever behave with a real situation.

I'd end this. And meet a good woman who exists in person.

"The person I am with"

You are not 'with' someone who you never met. I do understand how you can get attached to someone online, but it doesn't qualify as a real relationship.

If anything, the guy she is seeing has more of a reason to be upset that she is having an online romance.

What exactly was your plan....to move to their country?

Well, to be honest you don't know what I'm talking about then if you are dismissing the entire relationship as being not real.

Yes, I would have been skeptical of online relationships too before this. But honestly it is possible to become attached to somebody.

I'm surprised at the coldness of some replies. So people with any difficult emotional background should be disregarded as tainted? That seems a little bit harsh.

The question I addressed was barely engaged with.

Dont take offense to the replies you're getting. You need to realize most people here are experiencing infidelity from a SO or S after being together for a long time. Sharing a life, maybe kids too. They have a lot invested and trusted their partner. Its much harder to walk away when there are years invested together.
I think people are saying since you haven't met her yet and are just talking at this point, it may be better to cut your losses. Not because people that made a mistake dont deserve a second chance or because people with baggage should be tossed aside. But simply because she is showing you who she is.

"I am wondering what kind of effect this would have on somebody and would it be a good explanation as to why a person would have no respect for trust and also cheat?

I am curious to get insights as to how such an experience would effect a persons view on relationships."

I think individual responses would be varied. My mother cheated on my dad, and also took us four boys when she went to see the other man, though at the time we didn't know that was what was going on. My parents divorced when I was nine or ten. Out of us four boys, none of us, to my knowledge, have cheated on their wives.

Does such experiences create a bigger temptation or worldview that cheating is okay? I would say, in some, yes. In others, like myself, it created the opposite desire to never put my kids through that if I could help it.

Note: while I'm sure the sense of closeness is real for both of you, it is oh so easy to wear a "mask" online and not let people know the real you. It is hard enough in a physical dating relationship to get past the public masks of a person and see who they really are.

Not saying that to tell you run, necessarily. Only, be aware that your perception may not be reality. Until you meet her face-to-face, all you've seen is what she's allowed you to see. I pray she's being honest with you. But I think that is what is meant by saying it is not "real" simply because it is so easy to fool people with a screen name and photo.

May the force be with you.

I have to begrudgingly agree with other people who have posted that you can't be exclusive with someone who you haven't even met. I wouldn't characterize what she did as "cheating." If you've only just been talking to one another online, even if you've gotten attached, you can't know what things would be like for real.

I say that even knowing that two of my best friends came from online communication. I even did some online dating. Sometimes the connection and spark was there when I met someone in person, and sometimes it really, really wasn't. Until you engage in an actual relationship, face to face, in person, you can't really know someone's romantic potential. I certainly don't believe that you can be "exclusive" with someone you've never even touched...

As for what kind of effect that could have on someone? There's really no way for any of us to generalize that. She would have to work with a therapist to figure out what parts of her thinking come from where and work to correct them.