He took my sense of peace...

Mossyhorn, I know one thing that came to mind right after Dday. It is something that I was always so proud of, that after all of our years together there was no cheating. We were very young when we married and really hadn't known each other for very long. BUT, I was fully commited to him and I thought he was to me. He also took away my true feelings of happiness. I can smile and laugh and SEEM very happy to many people. But am I really as happy as I seem? No! I don't know if the feeling of disappoinment will ever go away either. And the whole heart of our marriage is gone. I do still love him, but as others have said can it be the same love after Dday as before Dday? I don't know. So he took those things away and left me with such a feeling if sadness that I have to cover up everyday. So can saying "I'm Sorry" really ever be enough?

Mossy,

Mate you could have been talking about me there with the exception of the climaxing.

She stole something from me that is difficult to put into words. I think it could properly be described as my ability to love completely or to ever let my guard completely down again.

We are divorced now, but for some reason I find myself clinging to the outrage and to the very many insults of the thing.

good luck in your quest mate. i hope you can find some sort of peace.

Mick

Oh yeah, I love ya truck mate. :)

Im with Mick on the part about letting down my guard. The one thing in my life I KNEW was true, was my H love for me. I felt safe and had a great sense of security, knowing he would NEVER EVER do that to me. I feel like I have nothing left that I believe in. No safety net and no real sense of security. There is nobody left to trust with my heart and soul. Where do we go from here? can we ever realyl be whole again? I fear not.

Hairymick,

Thank you on the truck lol. I guess that was a project for forgetting and reminding at the same time, something to do to forget the troubles, and also to remind me that fun matters, I appreciate your opinion of a fine automobile lol

"I have climaxed 1 out of 5 times in the past 2 years with her or with anyone else"

Is this a total of once, or a percentage?

though apart and i am "moving on" he definitely changed/took things from me, for i thought we were very happy!

he took my home, thought we rented it was a home i LOVED and set up. i took very little and started all over again. i found leaving our home SO hard. but i knew i couldn't stay there.

he took my safe and secure feeling- i had to adjust to living alone, wondering what the day would bring

for a while, my health- i had shocking excema which in turn took my self esteem, nerves

he took ALL the tears out of my eyes (i had NO idea just how many i had to let out...).

he took the absolute trust i had in him and also took away the last year of our relationship, for that i know now was a year of lies, the affair and total abandonment in effect.

I JUST went through dday last weekend. He took my ability to be happy and my ability to trust completely. In turn he robbed our kids of the happy mom that they deserve. He instead replaced it with mistrust, confusion, self-doubt....if this is what hell feels like then I am in it. All I am asking for right now is the strength to get through this.

He took my safety and security,
He took my memories.. every time I look at a photo I relate it to who he was with at the time.
He took my belief in love and that I am special.
He took my future , my hopes and my dreams.

I'm not married and have never been married, so can only base my response on what I know. It sounds like you feel the same way I felt when I was raped by an ex-boyfriend in college (I was 21). That feeling of being betrayed by someone who would "never do this to me." That feeling that nothing you look at appears the same and never will look the same. I can only tell you that you most likely will never look at anything the same. You won't always look at it as bleak as you do now, but it will change, grow, evolve, but not without a few moments of twisted logic or outright hate and anger. Most likely the worst will fade and reform into something more complex and deep that you will only notice after this sting is nearly forgotten. It may take years, or a decade, but the only thing I can say is to be kind as much as you can to other women as you move on in life, because there will be a temptation to punish them before they hurt you. But remember these are possible friends and to give in to that temptation will only hurt you by blocking whatever healing energy they might be able to give you. I hope I haven't overstepped myself and I hope this gives you some type perspective on your situation.

Mossyhorn...You explain the feelings well. I too feel like something is lost within me now and I don't know if it will ever come back. That feeling of being at peace and having security in my life is gone. I have shared some of the details of my H betrayal with a co-worker and she tells me often that I have lost the light in my eyes and she can't wait till it comes back. I feel like on a daily basis that I am lying to myself and others around me because I am just holding on and hoping that this feelings of dispair will go away. My heart is healing and I hope that one day I will be able to find some kind of peace and feel comfortable in the love my H and I have shared.
Let God put that light in my eyes again!!

She took my unconditional trust. She took my belief that we had something truly special. She took some of the best years of my life.

She destroyed my faith in the power of love.

He took away the fire inside of me, my passion is gone. He also tainted my memories and family photos, I have a hard time looking at pictures that we took together during the times of his affair.

Let me tell you what his affair and my divorce GAVE me versus what it took away:

It gave me the realization I am so much better than I thought.

It gave me back the strength I lost while married, and highlighted how tough I can be

It gave me the chance to be on my own and realize I can be ok.

It opened the door to so many friendships...people who were there, but I never saw because I was so wrapped up in my marriage to someone that didn't make me a priority

His affair, eventually, let me see my marriage for what it was: We can't be married, and it only proved, once and for all, how unimportant I was

This gave me reasons to look at myself in the mirror, be DAMN proud of my choices, and knowing I am setting a wonderful example for my son so he will know he has a mom that stands up for herself, loves him unconditionally, and will fight for what's right.

This situation has given me back the power I let myself lose...the ability to get out there and be the person I was meant to be.

The only thing about his affair that actually makes me angry is knowing how I was, and am, more than good enough for him, but he threw it away. Well, that's his loss.

While it, at moments, beat me down...it has NEVER BEATEN ME.