What makes you think she is cheating? What evidence do you have?

She said she would go to a counselor with you, so that's good news.

Thanks. She’s going out a lot but lying about where she’s been. Constantly texting on her cell and guarding the phone like a hawk. Suspicious purchases like men’s shirts but not for me, S&M-type lingerie that she took with her one night when going out.
Going from very playful and affectionate to ice cold. All major changes from her normal behaviors.
She did say ok to counseling, BUT, just for her. “Not ready” for couples counseling yet.
It’s like I don’t know this person all of a sudden.

I have an idea, why don't you go to individual counseling as well? I think talking to a professional would help you sort out your feelings and maybe you will figure out what to do next in your marriage.

How long has this been going on?

Well, that does seem like suspicious behavior, especially if she won't give you a logical explanation.

As hard as all of this is, you have to pull yourself together for your kids. You need to go to work, do normal family stuff like eat dinner with the family, etc. Don't let your kids know that anything is wrong, for now.

Let's hope this is just some phase she is going through. Maybe this can be worked out. I'm trying to look at the positive side here!!

I understand your anxiety. I have been there. I highly suggest getting a counselor even if you have to go alone. I also highly recommend www.survivinginfidelity.com

Hiring a PI is expensive. The truth will always come out.

I understand your anxiety. I have been there. I highly suggest getting a counselor even if you have to go alone. I also highly recommend www.survivinginfidelity.com

Hiring a PI is expensive. The truth will always come out.

Thank you both. Was feeling really alone in all this so your encouragement is huge for me.
I have been keeping my “game face” up, working, seeing mutual friends, and taking care of the kids since wife has mostly unplugged from their lives as well. Appreciate your help!

I am hoping it is just some phase she is going through.

How long has she been acting in this different way?

Have you tried to sit down and have a serious talk with her about her new behavior?

It's going to be okay. Stay strong.

The suspicious behavior you mentioned are indeed suspicious and the sooner you act the better because you might still have a good outcome if she is caught red handed and becomes truly remorseful. There are marriages where the wife was caught in a whirlwind romance but after repenting never did it again. I would consider hiring a PI if I can afford it, or like my brother’s friend, asked some of his friends to follow her and get some evidence a little at a time, like places where she goes and if there really is another man.

Thanks again for the input. To answer GirlinCalif it’s been going on for about a month. Did try to talk about it, and I took a supportive tone hoping she would open up, but hasn’t worked out.

I would not hire a PI, I would not confront her, but I would work on yourself in every way possible.
You can not spare the children from the pain or anger, both are ok to feel and experience.
Take a personnel inventory of yourself, be honest with yourself, list your faults and defects. Make time for yourself to improve and be a better version of yourself.
If she is cheating you can not stop it, you can not avoid the pain or hurt. If you go looking for it you will destroy yourself, Do you truly want to be the person always looking for things, worrying, and being suspicious?
Once you stop acting out of fear, and start acting out of love for yourself and your children, nothing she does will destroy you.
We all have faults, but being the better person and working on our own problems so that we can change and make our selves better, allows for us to grow spiritually and mentally.
Its hard for men to admit our faults and see we need to change, we get comfortable in our excuses and lies we tell ourselves. Its only when we admit our faults and failures, stop the lying can we grow and be a better person.
I pray you are safe and healthy.

This is pretty much what i went through, j fiqured out her cell password and was able to find all the evidence i needed, if u can look at her phone look for snapchat or WhatsApp and look everywhere you can, no married person needs these apps, they are basically used for cheating

As a wrap up on this matter: yes she was cheating. Within a day of investigating I had the guy’s name, address, and eventually caught her there several times. Confronted her, she admitted it, She’s more upset she got caught than for what she’s done to me and our family. I don’t know who this new version of my wife is. I’m divorcing her now. Thanks for everyone’s support thru this extremely traumatic time.

Same situation as you. Hang in there.

Thanks Essie. I’m actually in a really good place with everything now thanks to some great support here and elsewhere. Meditation and working out helped also. I wish you the best in your situation. It does get better.

What about starting couples therapy as soon as possible?
Have you tried to express how you feel and your fears without judging her?
Do not hire a PI it is too expensive.
My partner started to act suspicious in May, blocking his cell phone, always on his cell, weekends the cell phone was turned of, having to work other shifts, etc. I asked him several times and expressed my fears, but at the same time I installed a tracker on his car. I started to notice weird patters of places he was visiting when he was saying he was at work. In 3 weeks I was able to see wit my own eyes that he is having an affair. So try everything else first and if you need to know you can be the investigator. Now the next step it is the most difficult, how to approach, what to do after you discover stuff.