My wife's behavior has become increasingly suspicious over the span of a few weeks - textbook affair indicators; when I asked her she denies it. Acts resentful to me which I don't understand at all, won't talk about whatever is wrong but agreed to see a counselor since she acknowledges she's "going through something" now. Says she feels nothing towards me and the children anymore.
My wife has never displayed narcissistic behaviour, never been selfish; this is so unlike her.
I am horrified when I think of my children losing out on what was a perfect, whole, homelife. I will have failed them since all I've ever wanted was to be the ultimate "family man".
I am physcially ill to my stomach almost everyday since this began; the anxiety feels like it's literally killing me. Can't sleep well. I need to pull it together. I have been through serious stuff and I'm normally pretty damn stoic but this is hurting me to my soul.
I just don't know what to do. Hire a PI? If worst-case-scenario is true, how do I deal with the shame? How do I spare my children the pain of a broken family?
Had a hard craving and briefly gave in and looked at porn. Stopped myself and said no, Not today. Trying to breathe and not get discouraged. Disappointed I gave in, but trying to feel good about stopping. 2 weeks today. Want to keep this going.
Day Seven is when I blew it last time. Today is day 6 and I fully expect an onslaught this weekend. Of course, my accountability partner is out of town. But hopefully he will still have a cell signal at the retreat where their family is. I will post an update on Monday!