its an awesome quote !

:)

I agree it's a great quote, and one I intend to use everyday. If I'm still alive and functioning (on the "bad" days) I'm counting that as a success!
Also, a great thought I read last night as I couldn't sleep. We as humans sometimes hold on so tightly to the outcome we desire that we actually chase it away by trying to make it happen. We forget that life is here for us to enjoy the journey to wherever we are meant to be. (I know....we all hate and suffer in the process of our situations). But it will all turn out how it's meant to be....maybe just not the way we think we need it to.
Here's to being aware of our days and nights and appreciating even the small things they present to us to enjoy.

cheers :)

Well I guess I dug a little too deep today (and just after I posted such positive thoughts...crazy indeed).
I had been shown an e mail by him which a "friend" had sent to him. Pics of her new purchase of some snazzy underwear. I told him (as he didn't understand why she had done so?? ) that she was inticing him of course and it was inappropriate. He said he would write her back to tell her to stop. Just now he was writing an email and I asked if it was to her to clear up that matter. He exploded. Rehashed crap about his "plans" he had had and that he had decided to stay to try to work things out and now I was pestering him EVERYDAY (not true) and that if I kept it up I would be pushing him to connect with someone else. He said if he decided to go and f*** somebody he'd let me know. I've never seen that kind of rage from him before. Obviously he's not willing to do the "transparency".
Obviously he has a ton of resentment towards me. He said if I'm not going to trust him then he made the wrong decision to stay. Wow. I know.....he's not determined to make "us" work. It's just hard to see it laced with such anger. And of course.....it will be all my fault because I didn't leave him alone. Just feeling so tired and sad right now...had to let it out.

Have we talked about The Verbally Abusive Relationship? http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/B004GUS7OG/ref=redir_mdp_mobile

Good book, might be very important for you, regardless of his infidelity. He shouldn't be speaking to you the way that he does, or crazy making, or blaming you for his abuse.

I'm sorry to say this but your husband is a big fizzy douche!! He is not contrite, he is not transparent and he keeps coming back to this wonderful set up he was going to have that involved an other woman!

Here is another quote for you: "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."

Dump his sorry ass and find someone that treats you better! Check out chumplady.com

Thanks for the book recommendation Fiber.
I feel very small right now. Not because I talked to him, because I know I had a right to. Just that I still want it to work out somehow. I have reread my earlier more positive post and I feel I am chasing away any chance "by trying to make it happen" the way I want it to.
It won't work without his working on it and him. And he doesn't honestly want to give up his freedom of contact, even as a friend, with other women. Almost right back to square one regarding" why am I not enough or valued". Self pity is a b****. Back to the drawing board of working on Me.

I have been to chumplady several times neverceases, good material I agree.
I'm saving your quote. You know there are things I realize, Really realize, and right now I just can't seem to take the wheel and turn to where I need to be. I'm aware of what I should do. I am having a lot of trouble pulling the pin yet as you can tell.
Thank you for your insight.

I know I'm late to this "party" here, but I just want to add that he got angry because he obviously knows that his behavior is wrong, but he doesn't want to accept or face it. A woman sending him pictures of underwear? You have to feel comfortable that something like that will be well received before you send it. He had to have created an environment of flirting and inappropriate talk for her to be that bold. People don't just do that to someone who is "just a friend." I have plenty of male friends and have never, ever sent even one of them pictures of my underwear purchases... Just saying.

Wow your H is really messed up. Sounds almost bi-polar. Generally, I try to avoid the "disorder" defense at all cost, but holy cow. He is definitely in the "fog" but not the fog of new romance. It's as if he's in the fog of "the world is against me." And his anger seems to come out when his actions are "challenged" Could just be a guilty conscience though.

As far as giving up the "friends" - I can sort of relate. My hobby is acting. As a semi-professional actor, I have actress friends. It was difficult for me to end contact with them. My contact with them was just talking about acting jobs or acting workshops. But because I committed myself to my wife's healing process, I had to end contact. It hasn't been easy because the contact actually was innocent, with nothing going on.

And, even though it was hard - I lived, haven't really missed much and I'm glad I was able to do that for my wife. The underwear pictures are really incidental to the bigger picture. If your H really wanted to work on the marriage - he'd stop all contact with "friends."

Yes jadedbylife, I agree there was something more there than "friends". I had suspicions about her before and some "sex" texting that was going on. She's a lonely, much younger than I widow that hasn't "been with another man" since her husband's death 10 years ago!! Guess she just might have a lot of pent up sexual tension there!! She actually wrote me once saying when she met my H. online he told her we were separated. WHERE have I heard that LIE before???? She said out of respect for me she would stop contacting him if I wished. I said yes please do. She didn't until he called her up one day about 6 months later in front of me, and it was harmless chatting. Guess that was an open door to sending underwear pictures??????....WHAT THE HE** IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN???????
Also, yes impono, all his family (probably mentioned before) believe he has been bi-polar for years. In fact today he picked me up from work (unusual) and has been nattering away and singing and joking for no apparent reason. Totally different person from yesterday's fiasco. This isn't unusual for him. He could turn to Mr, Hyde at any time. Of course on the other hand, my "spidey senses" make me question if he has been in contact with anyone while I was at work. A good old chin wag with a woman perhaps??? I hate having suspicions all the time. Part of the work at hand I suppose.
And yes....at present it seems to be either to accept him the way he is right now or don't. (In his view). Maybe he'll move forward maybe not. I have to decide how much time to give this. I think it's the 32 years that has me held in chains. As we've all said...this isn't the person I married and some of us hope, by a lightening strike perhaps, they will come back home. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but as they say, HOPE can be a killer.

To add impono....(got lost in thought), I never had a problem with him and his female friends over the years. Yes they all love him and his charismatic, gentlemanly ways, and some flirted and suggested further actions, but he always refused. I had faith in him then and was proud he chose to honour me. Now, he seems to have become a charismatic, romantic who seethes with sexual expression and needs for "variety". " How did this happen" drives me crazy.
Again, congratulations on honouring your wife's comfort requirements with your female friends. I can only imagine what a relief that would be to me if mine did the same.