So true. I have been chatting to this guy through Match. He is cute, funny, we seem to have some things in common but here's the rub. About a few messages into every conversation he disappears! It gets me to thinking that maybe he is hurriedly shutting down him computer when his wife walks into the room.

Hope I'm not getting too suspicious about men...

You're right to be suspicious Sandy. My ex has done that and this new revelation about the bf and FB messages, ugh, my stomach has been sick for three days to the point where I ended up taking a Xanax this morning to keep me from shaking.

Yeah, I'm suspicious. I think I'll let him go away.

My intent is also just to point out how abnormal these realtionships start out from what a normal courtship is - they start out with so much evil/lieing underlining intent - its no wonder they are said that only 1 in 100 makes it.

And even if they last - they were build on a foundation that this person would want to be with this other person knowing full well they are married and would cheat on their H or W that the AP would only have to imagine what they would do with them in the long run - as well as vis versa.

Its just a sick situation all around.

I agree, but when you have two disfunctional people thinking this is ok...who's the wiser? Just saying. All I have to say it they made their bed, let them lie in it. Do not reinvolve me or my children.

Hmmm...

OM and I met through a common friend, spent years discussing our common interests, exchanged phone numbers, met in public places, met each others friends and families...

You make it sound like the 'abnormal' ways of meeting random strangers, in the gym or wherever, is the common cause of affairs. People gettin' some 'strange'. More often than you might think, and as with children, the warnings of 'stranger danger' are worthless in terms of protection. More often than you might like to think it's a prtson very close to your marriage who becomes a temptation to your spouse. And it's harder to detect because their interactions have a seemingly valid context.

fiberjunkie - did you sneak around?

I am sure this isn't a one size fit all but you were not out dating - you meet via what was preceived as "family" gatherings and for your specific case you were married? correct? - not taking away you may have other issues there as well.

So there was a degree of sneaking around I would assume after those meetings... I have no clue about your specific case though.

But I do understand your warnings that it can happen anywhere anytime but again once it happens - I'm pretty sure there is some sneaking around aspect - not like a normal relationship.

yup and one of the things my H/CS said was that she made him feel good becasue of her "support"and I wouldn't/couldn't do things with him in public, he told no one, but she looked up one os his friends and they had sex tooo, and then she complained because the friend treated her like a piece of ass, and my H/CS scooped her right back up and had sex with her....nice behavior aint it and she tought whole heartedly that she was his girlfriend, and they would be together when he divorced me....

My H met his ow in childhood. He was friends with her brother and reconnected when she moved to the states and needed "help".

They did however sneak around and rarely went out in public. He claims he never spoke of me with her. He seperated his life.

Yes, sneaky, deceitful...ALL of the above. But therein lies the attraction. The excitement of forbidden sex compiled with high levels of infatuation chemicals is actually much stronger than a hit of cocaine or heroine.

While researching I came across this word: LIMERENCE, which is a more accurate way to describe the love psychology of the cheater's brain.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

"Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated."

So this "craziness" perpetuates as long as the couple are PREVENTED from being together and more it is forbidden, the more the affair ignites the emotions. Hence all the drama one goes through, without even being in a regular "normal" relationship with really no end-game in sight.

Yes, we were both married. He snuck. I did not. I was up front about where I was going and who I was going with. I couldn't demonize my spouse because the OM knew him well enough to know better.

But mine is an odd story, for sure.

Some affairs though - are just about sex. There is no desire to go out in public or meet each others friends. It's just sex where convenient for both parties.

We probably should not assume that everyone wants or is searching for relationship nirvana, because quite a large proportion of people simply are not. To assume they are, is to assign your values/wants to them - and without knowing them, that is folly.

Dear Onyx. I hope you don't get yourself too upset with the 'ways of mankind'. It took me a while to realise and accept just how wicked people can be. But I'm glad I finally did because now nothing shocks me anymore and I'm more aware in my dealings with people, in general.

You see, Onyx, what you are calling abnormal relationships (Affairs) are not so abnormal anymore. This thing is rampant and exists side by side with the 'normal' relationships. Hence (and I know this number varies depending on who you listen to) 50% of all marriages have experienced infidelity. Of all the marriages I know of, its more like 75%. This is reflective of the % of deceitful people in the world. Lying, cheating and deceitfulness is everywhere.......in government and politics, schools, hospitals, and even in church. So don't be too surprised that it is also exists in marriage. It seems to be human nature for too many.

What baffled me though, is that if you show a dog a little kindness it will give you back nothing but love and loyalty, yet you could love a human being to death but then he/she will turn around and maul you. The answer is that humans are capable of immense wickedness and when we choose a mate we have toscreen them, test them, look, and listen, because they may very well turn out to be a pitt bull!! Affairs are just one of the new normals in this world.

Correction. In my post I said that 50% of all marriages experience infidelity. I meant to say, that it is estimated. No one knows for sure, but the % seems to be high!

Lovinsimple:

How true about showin a dog a little kindness, and the end result, friend, loyal, forever!

Man, how we can learn from sweet dogs! No wonder everyone loves em, pretty much! Coincidence that dog spelled backward is god! lol probably not!