Forget about revenge, just tell this guy and give him the info/proof. He doesn't deserve this any more than you did. People who do these things need to be called out on their insanity. You'll save him from future divorce. She is not going to change her ways that quickly. Just an opinion.

Yup, I feel you are doing him a favor of revealing to him her present, and maybe even her past, for all we know!

But most of us, given the chance would have loved to have received that call or visit from the other party, who was being cheated on. I think it's the right thing to do, even if you save one person from marriage, heartache, and divorce......it still is better that they experience the truth (and heartache for sure, sadly), but avoid marriage, and kids, and more hurt later in the long run!

I think at this stage, it is the lesser of the evils: that he doesn't know and goes thru this hell, when he should be given that choice as to whether he wants to proceed ahead or nip it in the bud.

Telling him is taking the high road. It shows restraint and care. It is an attempt at protecting him and future potential progeny.

I would wait until you are able to do it from a place of altruistic caring rather than a place of revenge! The former is a positive feeling which you can carry into the future! Revenge would feel good temporarily for you and vicariously for all of us BS but it really would be only temporary.

I don't even consider this revenge. I consider it as almost an obligation; to do for someone else what you would want someone to do for you. Many people knew of my H's affair and NO ONE told me and it kills me to know that so many could look me in the eye knowing what they knew. Wouldn't you have wanted someone to tell you? I know I did.

In my case, the OW was married. I told her husband in a kind and compassionate way as my goal was not to hurt him but to do for him what I wish someone would have done for me. I also included evidence, such as all the phone records, and all the other details that I knew. There was no way I was letting her get away with telling him that I was lying or exaggerating.

I didn't read all the responses here, but someone else commented about doing it with compassion and I agree with that. I really think you should do it and don't think of it as revenge; think of it as doing the right thing. She doesn't deserve to go through life acting as if she's this moral, upstanding person and her boyfriend doesn't deserve to be living with a cheating, lying whore who will most likely wind up hurting him worse in the end.

So come to any conclusions yet Allora?

H and I talked about it - about the feelings I was having and about the pros/cons of saying something.

He gave no advice in either direction, nor did he ask me not to say anything, but he did say, "Please be careful. I own my part in what happened, but keep in mind how hard she pursued me and the dirty, underhanded tactics she has used. I don't want you to get hurt any further by her actions if she decides to somehow retaliate."

I guess I hadn't really considered this.

Regardless, I am still debating whether or not it's my place to say anything. It has been over a year. I wasn't able tell this man what had happened in a more timely manner because I didn't know anything about him other than his first name. Also, since OW was offering my H $50,000 to leave me and move in with her I sort of figured she wasn't very attached to her boyfriend and that she was ready to leave him at the drop of a hat, anyway.

Guess not so much since they're now engaged.

I know BS's tend to demonize the OP, but truly, she is a lying, conniving, controlling, selfish you-know-what. I don't see how her fiance can see past that and want to spend the rest of his life with her, but maybe he's a match for her. Maybe they have already discussed the A and he's over it and they've decided to move past it. Maybe OW really is a saint of a person and I really do have it all wrong and now she's working her butt off to make things right. If this is the case, then I'm just meddling.

I already know about the A, but if an outsider came to me with further information, it would just be smacking the wasp nest and causing hurt feelings all over again. No, it wouldn't be useful information if it wasn't current information, and I wouldn't be grateful - if anything I'd be angry and resentful and hurt all over again for no good reason. There's no telling if I'd be doing that to this other guy.

So no, I haven't made any decisions. It was never even an option to tell OW's fiance before, but now that it is, I don't know what I'm going to do. Nothing for now, because as has been mentioned, I'm wanting to for the wrong reasons: revenge. And revenge has a tendency of rebounding back in one's own face. (Karma's a bitch?)

I really did want to be talked down because I knew I wanted to just hurt someone else because I was hurting. That's no good reason to do anything in life.

If I do decide to say something, it'll be with compassion and in order to fill this other guy in so he can do what he wants with the information. I wish I knew anything at all about HIM so I could know whether or not it would be worthwhile to tell him, but since I don't I really will likely leave things alone until/unless it seems worthwhile to say something.

Allora, sending you support on whatever you decide and where you are now in this, L~

If you do decide to tell, I wouldn't give details. I would simply say as a public service announcement I'm going to tell you that your soon to be wife had an affair with my H. Give her the time frame of the affair and let his fianc give her details. Informing him that it happened and how long it lasted is the only thing anybody outside of his fianc owes him.

Just my 2 cents

I would do it, Jeff has a right to know too!