If I were presented with a golden opportunity to call the OW out for being a whore it would be really hard to resist it, I know exactly how you feel. I hate that I would be so eager to jump on the revenge wagon, too. :( It's not like me - I'm the type to process things and let them go, not hold grudges or be bitter... yet here I am holding onto anger, holding the grudge, and feeling bitter toward the OW.

Just out of curiosity, what does it mean for you to enact the revenge, some kind of public outing?

Now you have us wondering. What do you have on her?

Well... I could be REALLY evil. Now that I know she's living with her fiance (the one she cheated on to be with H - and no he has no idea it happened) I could send flowers, sexy undies, and all sorts of fun stuff with little "love" notes attached about how hot she was in bed and how great things were going and how I hope things can keep going between "us". (*puke*) - let him freak out that she's cheating now, even though she's not NOW.

Or... more likely the case, I could just humbly stop by when I know he's home without her (or hell, she can be there, what do I care?) and I can bring incriminating emails (you know, like the one where she says cavalierly) "Wow, I feel a LITTLE bad about Jeff, but the sex with you is just SO good..." and so forth... just tie the emails up with a nice bow and present them to him for his perusal.

Prior to this, I had no idea of where he lived or how to get in touch with him, but now that they're living together, I could quite easily give him evidence of just what kinda woman he's got himself hooked up with.

Yeah. I know. NOT my place. But dang. It would be so nice. I wish I at least wanted to do it for kind reasons - trying to spare him pain or some such thing... but no, if I'm being 100% honest it's just about hurting her.

It's hard to resist retaliating. Your hurt from being betrayed. Do you or don't you do the revenge stuff? Two things come to mind. Free will. Karma. Free will to make a decision that if you decide not to do anything then nothing else further happens. Karma.. can keep going back and forth if you decide to retaliate. Think about it first.

I would have to say i would do it.

But then I'm evil that way.....................Kinda quoting L

Well, I also still wish I could out OW. It will be 2 yrs since d day in feb. I think that if you are meant to act on this information, an opportunity will present itself.

Part of me doesnt want to lower myself to be that person and the other part of me says it would be a public service. Perhaps the humiliation would stop her from doing it to anyone else.

Her man deserves to know what type of person she is, but I can almost guarantee that he will eventually find out.

Yeah, I'm honestly torn. I'd hate to see her fiance suffer, as that's not cool, and he did nothing to you, or probably to deserve this. Unless of course the plot thickens, and wonder if he did cheat too??? In that case, I would probably open up the can of worms. But if he didn't, and he's a good guy, it could well devastate him.

However, on the note of "public service announcement", lol, if he knew, in advance to their getting married......he might not have gotten married. So in essence, it's up to you. I know I would want to know this valuable information, if I were engaged to a cheater, I most likely would end it then and there.

But, please, please, if you do it, do it in a kind and loving way. Be considerate of his pain, and of course empathetic towards how he is going to respond. Yup, I'd use that information against the cheating OW, but very very gently. Perhaps you can come from the approach that:

You struggled with this one. You considered both options. You decided, in all fairness to him, that you should tell him, cuz you would want to know. That she already put a huge dent in your marriage and created a huge rift, but if you didn't inform him in advance, you would feel guilty for "robbing him of the chance of discovery, and giving him the option as to what to do". Tell him upfront, all this, and then gently proceed, with, "I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but....."

I supposed it's akin to telling someone that their loved one died. Ypu don't just blurt it out! You hem and haw abit, you show pain, discomfort, and struggle for the words, and the words you use are very carefully selected.

I'd give it another week or so, and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, and then decide, whether I wanted to execute this plan.
I would also probably opt to tell him alone, and let him be the one to reveal it to her. I wouldn't be vulnerable to her being there, calling you a liar, refuting your information, or give her a chance to say you were tresspassing, or stalking, or calling the police.

Really, if you do it, see if you can arrange a time, it's just the two of you, and I might consider recording it, just in case you needed it, and possibly for "posteriors sake".

error: posterity's sake

posterior might work, if he sees her ass, as she exits his door! lol

There is some literature out there that suggests it's your duty to inform OW/OM's significant other of their philandering ways. Something along the lines that we all wish someone would've told us.

I have to say that if your only intention is to inflict pain upon her then the whole karma thing might work against you. If you feel like you could compassionately tell him and it would be to help him make an informed decision there are some that think you should tell.

In the beginning I was in a fog myself. I was in denial for a while, then battling triggers and by the time I got around to even thinking about telling the OW's husband, it was almost a year later and based more on revenge than helping him.

Sometimes those fantasies are just the thing to get you through the hard days so I don't think it's a bad thing to have them.

Id rat the bitch out in a heart beat....and he should know what a slut he is marrying
But I understand you are torn It IS easier said than done ...unless having a bad day then it would be no problem

Angie your comment made me laugh out loud!! LOVE IT!!!!!!!

sillysuzie
When I wrote it I was dead serious and almost annoyed....
Now I am hysterical laughing too!!! LOL Oh boy the range of emotions Holy Cow! :)

Write it all out and in a couple days you feel the need to tell then do it.

LOL Angiekins.

I would, but as blondegal said, do it compassionately. whether you want to do it out of revenge or as a psa is a stickier matter. But in the end, who here among us would have married our cheating spouses had we known they were cheating on us prior to the marriage? Some would/did, but many of us would have made better CHOICES for ourselves, kwim?

Arguments can be made on both sides of the fence. But I see it like charity. One performs acts of charity because one has compassion for those in need...at the same time, it feels good to do something for others. Does the fact that it feels good make it less good?