Do you think she is still cheating now? Yes, I understand about the marriage vows and 36 years is a really long time.... but is she breaking the vows?

I forget... did you two try marriage counseling?

Is she committed to this marriage?

Keep looking out for you. Take care of you, first. I hate when partners cheat. It is such a kick in the stomach. Like, who do they think they are? Like you said, you could have done it, too.

we did counseling , but when he told her she was a NARC she didnt want too continue, and no i don't think she's doing it again , i believe Karma paid her dues from 130 lbs too 235 lbs and other issues .. ... she don't get as i tried explaining 2 words do not fix it your actions do ! , the more i hear " your fault " the more i believe it went further , i did question "HIM" of course he only admit " he might have went to far" but she ! was chasing him !

I don't think I could stay married to someone who cheated on me but I get that some couples can work it out if both choose to put in the effort it takes to communicate, to be completely transparent, to forgive, to not throw stuff in each other's faces, etc. Whether there's cheating or not, I don't think a marriage can truly be a partnership if either partner is emotionally disengaged and disconnected.

You can divorce her. Just because she says she doesn't want a divorce, if you are this unhappy and unable to move forward because she's not being accountable in a way that you need, you don't have to stay married. It sounds like you're never going to get what you need from her, whatever that is, so why keep torturing yourself. I'm not saying divorce is easy but damn, life is short. Why not choose happiness and peace, whatever that looks like to you. Being constantly bitter and disappointed is only really hurting you, like ingesting poison. Maybe you seeing a counselor without her would help you gain clarity and insight if just for yourself.

I met My ex husband 9 years ago, he started cheating 11 months into the relationship (found out later). I started feeling suspicious of his activities anytime he went for work. So i read on some blog about "The Quick Silver" Team, i quickly contacted them and they swung swiftly into action. I must say, i didn't expect to find out so much but thank goodness i did in time. He cheated on me with his ex girlfriend & caught an incurable STD. Luckily, I had done enough investigation & did not have sex with him. I’m disease free, thank God. He then went on to sleep with 2 more of his ex girlfriends. I’m sure they’re all infected. I divorced him, met my fiancé & had my first baby. I am WAY happier now & my ex husband is miserable, infected & all alone. Get yourself checked.

You can reach the "The Quick Silver" on quicksilverskriptor (AT) protonmail (DOT) com. ;)

Well it sounds like you guys shouldn't even be married. Just from reading what you said. I am married to my high school sweetheart for 44 years in July. We had been each others 'only" and I really thought we had a great sex life and marriage....but somewhere in his mid 50's a gal at work happened. Which shocked the shit out of me because he was a supervisor of milrights, pipefitters etc at a Paper Mill. But he had a new computer program and she was put with him to learn it for inventory. At this time in our married life we had a grown daughter with eating disorder, drug and alcohol problem. She put stress into our marriage like non other until I found out about a five year affair. Lets just say, mental well being, what he wanted for his ego, she gave him and wormed her way in. To a couple I had no idea how that could of happened to. We are still married, but it is not the same sex wise...for me it is tainted, my man was crawling between someone elses legs, etc...and telling her I love you. Her trying to get him to divorce me (all while I was clueless) until he burst one night in an argument while we were in discussion about our daughter and how to handle things. His attitude was not my guy....he was changed because of her (and I had seen it and talked to him, asking him over the past year if he loved me, etc) ALl I can say is....we are still together as great best friends, he loves me and wants to have sex, but I find it hard as the "love" that was pure and good is tainted with memories of years of lies. He lied after telling me for years, trying to cover up how deep of shit he was in...and I could tell the truth was not being told....when you feel that you can't move on...so he destryed new trust over and over and over again. Until it was PTSD for me. I know he won't cheat now. He is retired, we have moved twice, back home to where we met and raised our kids. A town we both feel comfortable in. BUT oh how I wish I could be that person before the affair again. I just read what you said and it sounds like it is over to me. EIther you love her or not....things are changed....if she isn't going to NOT cheat than I would say it is a done deal and done. My guy promised never to again, he quit an outstanding job and moved, got a new job, retired early....and totally puts me first...I offer for him to go and have a better life without me...and he says that isn't possible, he loves me and what we have will work if that is all he gets. We break down and do have great sex once in a blue moon. But I struggle with closeness with him. He ruined something in me...I am not the woman I was emotionally and lovingly with him...I am broken. But at 62 and 61 years old, we know each other well and we are comfortable with same values and wants for our older years....to go off and think you can find someone and be happy is almost a joke in a way for me. Part of me will always be his wife and that can't change, that is why I stayed. It has been since 2011 that I found out...a solid 7 to 8 years went on with some lies out there that didn't add up....which made it unhealthy for my brain trying to figure it out. If only he could of come totally clean at the beginning he could of salvaged a big share of what we lost in the lies.

Unfortunately, it sounds like she has been cheating some, most, if not all the entire relationship..and she probably still continues.


You allow this type of behavior by constantly staying.

No one ever gets over betrayal.


Are you just going to spend the remainder of your life unhappy, paranoid, and miserable in an abusive relationship??


When will enough be enough for you??


Leave her or continue to tolerate it.

If you remain, just accept the relationship for what it is, and perhaps busy yourself more ..


Let her cheat in peace if you're going to stay and continue to allow this.

Please get into individual therapy either way.

You have low self esteem, self worth, and don't know how to love or think highly of yourself.


This relationship iand treatment isn't what you deserve..and you can do better.

You just have to realize, want, and put a plan into action to improve your life.


The choice is yours.


Blessings

Yes its tainted. Its ruined and dirty and drug through the gutter. That is exactly how I felt. My wife started cheating ( That I know of) 2 months before our second anniversary. I caught her on our anniversary doing sexual acts for a guy over a video chat. Literally in our guest bedroom moaning and screaming with me in the house and going to town with her vibrator and video chatting this guy on the phone. Yep wont forget that one. Said Ill never do it again! So 2 weeks later I had a hip replaced and I wake up in the middle of the night to see her walking through the house naked on a video call again. I crawled out of bed and yelled at her and she took off for the basement know I was not to be anywhere near stairs only days after a full hip replacement, but I ended up chasing her down stairs. More lies and she says I promise I will never do it again. A couple months go by and I am back to work during full blown COVID and I am a necessary worker so I am working full time she is laid off and home. That's when she starts meeting guys while I am working to support us. Buying them meals and giving out BJ's and more. Even after finding evidence of 5 different men and 9 months of cheating I tried to work it out with her. The lies never stopped coming. If her lips were moving she was lying about something. Then accusations that I had abused her. I gave her everything and she repaid me by coming hope with dick on her breath.

This woman swore I was the love of her life and her soulmate, and everything she ever wanted for the first 4 years we were together. Almost immediately after we were married things started turning south. Never owned up to any of it either. blatantly lied about all the proof and either gaslighted every conversation or down right stonewalled them. Never made any attempt to apologize or make amends. She moved out a year ago and started cheating again so we are now divorced.

I still love her. I don't know why as by all right I should hate her with every part of me. She is dirty ! She was my everything and I treated her like a queen and she stooped to lay with DOG's in the gutter. Men that used her for what they could get. How can someone live with themself after betraying a person that loves them so much? I gave up everything for her happiness and in the end was left with nothing. Now I don't even want to be a part of the sick world. I am literally disgusted with the human race, because there are a lot of people in this world that are just like her.