Well, a little update... we talked yesterday and I believe we have come to an understanding for divorce. She doesn't want to try to make the marriage work and she is hurting my soul/spirit, so I think I need to let her go. I have to start healing. I'm not healthy and I'm broken still.

I just need to get started on the paperwork. Ugh, this is SO hard but I believe it's necessary. Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. I know there are more tough times ahead, but I hope this is a step towards a brighter future.

Thanks so much for the kind words and support everyone. :) I really appreciate it.

You will be in my prayers through this very tough time.
Hugz

Well yesterday was a very interesting day to say the least and could have possibly been devastating. First, I went to the court and got the paperwork identified that I needed to sent to my stbx wife. I then got the papers mailed (which was emotionally hard on me) and went to my first counseling session with a new counselor.

Things went well there and then I met a couple of friends for lunch, when I got a call from my mom saying that my oldest brother had almost taken his own life! I raced to his house and gave him and his wife a hug. I let them know how much I loved them. A couple of my family members were already there thankfully. I never want to see that kind of situation ever again. It was terrible.

On top of all this, it was my younger brother's birthday! Things just don't seem to be getting any easier for me, even though I keep trying. :(

You are now 3 months past the day you made your first post here. Believe it or not, you will start feeling a little stronger day by day. The first few months are the hardest and then the shock fades a bit. Keep moving forward with baby steps and one day at a time you will heal. This is not an overnight process and after almost 8 months, I still cry.

If she doesnt want to make it work, its jsut cant. You both have to want it and she obviously likes being free to date more than she wants to be a loyal and devoted wife. In the big picture, you will eventually see that she was probably not the peson she thought she was.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

I completely understand your pain. I discovered my W's affair last summer and it has left me devastated. While we are still married, I go through every day wondering if this was the right decision. The first six months after the discovery were spent in warp speed mode...I tried to fix everything and threw everything I had into "winning" her back. I think it's normal for the betrayed spouse to temporarily block the REAL pain while trying to fix the marriage. But now, a little more than a year later, I still find myself depressed, angry and resentful of the pain she has caused. I still ask for details and avoid restaurants/places where they carried on this lying and deceitful relationship. I know where he works and it's a constant struggle to avoid pulling in every time I drive by. But I am the better person....I never resorted to confrontation and ignored his emails and phone calls to me.

I have been in therapy since the discovery (actually even BEFORE I found out because I suspected something was going on and she denied it over and over again) and while it helps, it's a LONG recovery. I've been prescribed and anti-anxiety medication that helps but it doesn't erase the memory of that awful day and the subsequent emails, texts and other love notes that I found in the days after. If your anxiety is that bad, I suggest talking to your doctor about going on something like Zoloft to ease the anxiety.

There were times I was completely suicidal. I would fall asleep thinking about how I would do it and how it would make her feel. After discussing this with my psychiatrist, she had some good advice. She said you have two choices. Start over. Start over WITH her or start over WITHOUT her. Either way, it's a new beginning. But you have to make a decision...and while it's hard, you have to do what's best for you.

I find that there aren't a lot of betrayed husbands out there, or maybe there are and they just aren't talking about it. I'm here to talk and help you in any way I can. I know what you are going through so please don't hesitate.

Well the divorce was finalized today. I don't feel great about it, but it was something I had to do. She took me there. I tried my best to make it work, but she wouldn't change. Now it's time to move on and I'm still in a lot of pain.

Thanks for all of your help everyone. I will still be on this bumpy, rough road for a while, so don't forget about me, ok?

You did what you had to do for yourself. I recall your story and agree that divorce was the only self-respecting option.

Even though the divorce is final, you are still going to have negative feelings about the infidelity. The problems it causes inside of you don't magically go away because the judge has signed the final order.

The adultery and all the behaviors surrounding it are life-changing. It took me many months past the divorce before I could really function again.

Stay on here as you need to, getting advice and offering advice.

Take care.

Thank you ImDealing. I totally understand what you're saying and I just have to stay positive and ride this out. The infidelity part is still very painful and right at the front of my thoughts a lot of the time. I hope over time, the bad memories and pain begin to lessen. The nightmares too.

It was very painful to do, but I finally deleted my ex-wife, any family members of hers, and/or friends off of my facebook page this morning. I also deleted her from my e-mail and IM contacts list. I never wanted to have to do this, but I have to heal! This seems like a step in the right direction. It hurts a lot right now though. :(

That was a brave and necessary step toward recovery.
I give you credit for your wise decision.

Keep up the good work my friend.

i ama victim of infidility as well, and as I read all these posts, I don't feel all alone. My first husband did this to me and it was torture and to have to go through this in a 3rd marriage is painful beyond words. I thought we would be together forever.

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here too much lately, but I'm still here and still hurting. I do feel a little better though once in a while. At this rate it is going to take me forever to heal, but I keep on trying. Some days are better than others. Please don't forget about me guys. :)

We can only live once. Live it with strength and honor. Many good people in this forum. We all suffer, but we shall overcome. Keep our heads up. We have nothing to be shame of.

One piece of experience: just leave her alone and concentrate on what you want to do with your life, with or without her.

Spring is coming my friend and you will be feeling better.
Don't forget to keep up the good work on yourself.

I will tell you the same thing I told my kids when it comes to relationships. If you breakup with someone and you feel like you will never find love again just take a trip to the Mall. When you get there find a seat and people watch. Look at all the men and women that pass you by. Then tell me that you will never find some. The numbers are most definitely in your favor. No one can make you feel like S**T. Only you can make you feel that way. Pull yourself up and start a brand new and improved life.