Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello all, I am new to this site, but it has been helpful already. Well, to make a long story shorter, I have been married to my wife for 6 years now and we were to together for about 9 years. She meant the world to me, was my everything, my best friend. Then I found out a couple of days before Christmas last year, that she had an affair.
Needless to say I was completely devastated and I told her to leave. She packed up her things and moved back with family 1500 miles away. We tried to reconcile for the first month after she left, but got nowhere. I found out she had already starting dating someone else. I have since learned that there may have been an OM #2 here when we were together.
There really is no other choice now than divorce and that's what I am preparing for. I feel so used and betrayed. I don't understand why this had to happen? We seemed to have an excellent relationship. We went on so many fun and exciting trips and had the greatest of times.
Now I had to move back to my parents place because I could no longer afford our condo. I feel like such a loser that I am back here again at age 32. Then in mid-June I lost my job and I'm living on unemployment until the end of the summer, when it runs out and looking for work.
I am very depressed now most of the time, when I used to be very happy before. It has also increased my anxiety much more. I am very sad and lonely. Some days are better than others and I hope they continue to get better.
If anyone has any advice, comments, or questions feel free to ask me or post. You can add me as a friend if you would like as well. Sorry I made the post so long, thanks for all of your help!
HEARTBROKEN77
Needless to say I was completely devastated and I told her to leave. She packed up her things and moved back with family 1500 miles away. We tried to reconcile for the first month after she left, but got nowhere. I found out she had already starting dating someone else. I have since learned that there may have been an OM #2 here when we were together.
There really is no other choice now than divorce and that's what I am preparing for. I feel so used and betrayed. I don't understand why this had to happen? We seemed to have an excellent relationship. We went on so many fun and exciting trips and had the greatest of times.
Now I had to move back to my parents place because I could no longer afford our condo. I feel like such a loser that I am back here again at age 32. Then in mid-June I lost my job and I'm living on unemployment until the end of the summer, when it runs out and looking for work.
I am very depressed now most of the time, when I used to be very happy before. It has also increased my anxiety much more. I am very sad and lonely. Some days are better than others and I hope they continue to get better.
If anyone has any advice, comments, or questions feel free to ask me or post. You can add me as a friend if you would like as well. Sorry I made the post so long, thanks for all of your help!
HEARTBROKEN77
Any way, Welcome HB, I'm sorry you you've become a member of this club nobody wanted to join... I understand what you're going through and it is a tough situation... You have had a pretty rough year... Write what you want, no matter how long, we'll read it and try to help the best we can.
You have removed the negative influence from your life. You have no where to go from here, except UP. Your life may not be what you want it to be right now, but you already know that it will be much better than it was.
So you have to start over. Great! You get to make your life exactly what you want it to be and you get to do it without some selfish b*t*h making demands on you.
Soon, you will be able to spend more time focusing on your own needs. Give yourself a break. You'll be ready soon enough.
I'm just going to keep trying my best though and hopefully someday soon I can catch a break. Thanks again my friends. Don't forget about me, I can use all the help and friendship I can get right now. :)
Things are still so uncertain and I get confused quite often. I am doing a little better though. Just slowly... one small step at a time.
As far as the broken marriage, the pain continues. I think I may be very slowly getting closer to some resolution, but still not sure.
I read your post and my heart just broke for you. But, you are truly in the right place here. No matter who it happens to, men or women, the pain goes so very deep. Before I discovered for certain my husbands lies and betrayals, I felt I was married to the PERFECT man. He was indeed the knight in shining armor I had waited for all my life. He loved me and we were going to MAKE it through whatever. Well, let's see, we survived the loss of a baby, it only drew us closer, and we survived bankruptcy, that too, drew us together, we raised a son and for so long I was CONVINCED I had the only ORIGINAL TRUE MAN in the world. How did I get so lucky? When did that other shoe fall? Why didn't I hear it? How could I have been so stupidly blind?
Now, here I am, still in the middle of it. When I found out who it was almost 2 years ago, I was DEVASTATED, like you. It is the WORST PAIN, the WORST LIE and TRUST to EVER BE BROKEN. I see my husband so very differently now, and as I observe him, I see that he is the VERY SAME MAN I've always been drawn too - liars and cheaters. I am beginning to think he believes his own BS. I think that he thinks he's ENTITLED to do whatever he wants, and WHOMEVER he wants. He kind of reminds me of a sociopath in a low key way. I mean it's like he has no remorse WHATSOEVER for the pain he's caused me. HE DOESN'T GET IT! He even acts like it's my problem not his. He's always been very good about turning it around and placing the blame elsewhere. The man simply cannot take responsibility for his own actions.
What do I do? In the past few months I became very depressed and felt totally unattractive. So, I gave up on myself and ate and ate until now I have become officially what is known as OBESE.
God bless my son. He has helped me so much, he has inspired me to walk and so I have begun. I was surprised that it made me feel so much better about me, getting out in the air even helped to clear my head and see things a little bit differently.
So, what I guess I'm rambling on about is.....DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE NOT A LOSER!!! Go to counseling (I have and it does help), find a way to exercise, either by walking, running or joining a gym. Write down all your negative feelings in a special journal seen only by YOUR eyes. Write HER a letter, and in this letter that you never let her see, you tell her EVERYTHING and express every hurt she has done to you. Let it OUT! Truly give it to her! It will feel so good! Take a baseball bat and beat a pillow with it, anything to work out the frustration and pain.
I've always believed things happen for a reason, so, even though it's hard to understand now, maybe all of this is clearing the way for bigger and better things for YOU!! Think of it this way - SHE IS THE LOSER! She is the one who messed up the best thing she will probably ever have had - A REAL AND TRUE MAN WHO LOVED HER. She has no idea what it is she has lost.
I wish the best for you. It's like a day at a time thing when you're in the midst of all this. And here at DS, you've got good company.
Sorry, this is so long....I think I did a little bit of venting as well. It's just that every time I read about another's pain, it just gets me all stirred up inside.
Peace and hugs to you.
hurtn
Everything will work out in time. Best of luck to you!!
Take care.
My wife and I have been messaging lately and we can't seem to make things work. She says she loves me and I actually still love her, but she refuses to take responsibility for the affair she had and told me she had reasons. She doesn't agree with how I feel about it (that there is no reason to go outside of marriage and hurt the one who loves you most).
I know she is in pain as well, but it is a different kind than mine. She is feeling guilt and regret, while I'm dealing with the betrayal and much more. I really don't see a resolution to this situation, except for divorce. It hurts like hell, but it may be necessary. :(
One piece of good news is that I was finally able to pay off our credit card and have the account closed. It's not much, but I worked hard at it and I'm glad it has been taken care of now. At least one less thing to worry about. :)
I know there are many more hard times ahead for me and I can still use all the support and friendship I can get. Please don't leave me now, my DS friends. Thank you for all your help so far, you're wonderful and I appreciate it.
Hugz