Welcome to a great community. I'm sorry that you also find yourself a member of our sad club. I myself am only 8 weeks past the discovery of my husbands cheating. It happened 2X in 3 short months. You have to trust that you've made the best decision for yourself. The unbearable grief can often feel like death. We all have our fair share of ups and downs. It is very normal. Take the time to make yourself happy. I know how unbearable it can be to be in your own mind sometimes. I try to keep my mind busy by reading, doing housework, taking my kids to the beach, anything that can take up free time. If you can smile once a day you're doing good. Best of luck to you!

No one can explain why it happened but we are all going through the same feelings you are. The emotions are real and you just need to take it one day at a time. Counseling will help or maybe a local support group can be found. But keep in touch because this site has really helped many of us. Good luck and welcome

So sorry you have had to experience the deepest pain and betrayal from the person you loved most. Nobody can imagine the devastation unless they have experienced it and thats why this place will be good for you. We know your pain, and while we cant take it away, we can share the burden with you and hopefully ease you through. I am almost 5 months past discovering my husbands emotional affair of 6 months. We are working on saving our 20 year marriage. I still cry alot and we are in counseling. It has helped us to look at things differently. No post is too long so dont feel like you have to apologize.
Many of us here are also clinically depressed and if you have not seen your doctor yet, we would definately suggest it. Take care of yourself .

Hi heartbroken. I am very sorry for what you've had to go through. Betrayal is so devestating. Your depression makes sense...you have experienced a great loss. Discovering your partner has betrayed you destroys so much. It's the death of the partner you thought you thought you had. I went to a grief recovery program when I left my marriage because the end of a relationship and a divorce is something that causes grief. It helped.

Trying to decide what to do is heart-wrenching and very difficult. It's guilt-enducing and just pain old painful. But, I think the fact that she is dating again, shows that you made the right choice. The partner who betrayed should be working their ass off to make it right and earn back our love and trust...when they don't even try, it's upsetting, but does show us their true intentions.
I am sorry you are hurting. I made my discovery only about a month before yours...almost 8 months later and I still hurt. But I am so better off without him.

Do what you can to take care of yourself and bring some joy back into your life. This is easier said than done...I'm still working on it! Just know that you are not alone and that you have the support of all of us who are traveling down the same path.

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. I really appreciate the help. You've brought a tear to my eye and I'm glad you can understand. Most people I talk with try to help but they have never actually been there, so they just don't understand the pain. I feel like I've found a home here with some good friends. :) Thanks again so much.

HB

If you're cheated on once, you can work throught it and save the relationship; twice, it's done. When you say "get out", mean it and commit to it. There's no reason to feel lost and depressed here bro - you're only a loser when you decide you've lost something.

This forum is amazing. I know for me i get worried i am the "doom and gloom" friend at the moment, it's just taken over my life, but here everyone understands.

I am only 1.5 weeks into this painful whirlwind of infidelity. My partner has gone into a 28 day rehab program to tackle his gambling addiction, the affair and why he lied and betrayed me.

I am still struggling big time. I am just home from a counsellor and i recommend it to you if you can. Here in Sydney, i was lucky, my GP saw how sad and emotional i was and arranged for 6 subsidized appointments, so i do pay up front but get majority back soon on our medical system. I am sure there would be free or counselling available to you while you are getting back on your feet.

I am hoping at this stage to reconcile with him IF i can somehow get past the infidelity and he can work on his problems. I have 1 month to get my life together and see how things go on my own.

Definitely take walks, go and sit somewhere for a coffee and read, i have done this every day. I have taken time off work but am forcing myself to get outside.

I agree, this does feel like a death at the moment but everyone assures me it gets easier.

It's the lies and betrayal that make me run to the bathroom and throw up.

Stay strong and rest assured we all totally understand and can relate to you. We are all here for each other, across the globe (i think i'm the only Aussie here!).

Its never easy saying "welcome", because we don't want anybody to have to go through what we ourselves have been through, but just know you are in good company from us here at DS. We are the friends you can talk to who understand and help you through this rough time in your life, because we do understand, and we have been there. I was 6 years trying to find out the truth, about the affair, and 8 months ago, I finally did. I moved out because it just didn't involve one other person, it involved several, and my H wasn't going to change. I filed for divorce in January, and finally got resolution in May. I will say I am proud of you for standing up and telling her to move out, and asking for a divorce. I think if more of us stood up for the fact that this is not right, there might be less of them trying to have an affair and know that marriage should be a commitment. After getting through the divorce (which is a death of a relationship), I can say I found freedom. I am no longer strapped to someone telling me what to do, when to do it, and having to ask permission to do something I wanted to do. It was like a burden was lifted off me. I don't regret the 25 yrs of married life I had, or the wonderful kids that came from the marriage, but I have moved on and now am doing something for myself, which feels good after so many years of doing something for everyone else. I am re-finding myself, the self I loved years ago, but lost in the marriage,......and it feels so good to rediscover that I am still here, and fun to be around, and I look forward to the peace and solitude because I do like myself. I hope you will take this time to do something for yourself, that is the best way to get back on your track and find what you really want out of life. I know it is hard without the job, or the security, but maybe that too is an opportunity to take the time to do something for yourself before a job consumes your time. Do seek counseling, whether it is a professional person, or your friends here at DS. Outside advise can be very helpful in deciding exactly what you want. You can listen, and still decide what makes the most sense for you to follow. I found out things I never would have imagined, had I not talked to a professional, and it really helped me heal. If you are talented in a craft, take that hobby up again, and put your heart and soul into it. It helps to pass the time, and beautiful creations will come out of it. And it doesnt hurt to say a few prayers. God is listening, and willing to help those who have been faithful, and he has promised better days ahead, we just have to have the faith and trust what he has in store for us. I wish you well my friend, but more than anything, I wish you peace and understanding that this was not because of you, it was because of your spouse, and you have to remember that. She is the one who is broke.

Thanks again for all of your kind words and caring. I believe I forgot to mention that my wife was also drinking and partying at bars and also smoking weed (which she knew I hated). Even though I tried to make boundaries and be understanding, she went against everything I said. I was busy in school and with work at the time, so I couldn't keep a leash on her and I didn't know what she was doing. Well, unfortunately, I know now.

Everytime I told her that she didn't need to go out and she should stay home with me or go out and do something with me, she threw a fit and it turned into a fight. I just got tired of her yelling at me and would let her go. That's what I have to do now though, just let her go.

You did the right thing and have no reason to feel bad. She had no business being in a relationship if she wanted to behave like that. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. You deserve to be happy with someone who loves and respects you. Things will turn around in the end. : )

Back the whole thing up here for a sec...

Do you really want to be with someone who you feel you 'have to keep a leash on?' Is that the bottom line of your relationship?

Listen, we all have gone thru this. Welcome to this Crappy Club. But one thing is KEY - you need to take a look at the whole relationship apart from the affair to see if it's worth fighting for.

Doesn't sound like you and the party girl had a lot in common as far as what you wanted in your daily life, long term goals, entertainment, any of it.

If you have to fight with someone to get them out of the party and in your arms, doesn't that tell you enough? Sounds like the relationship was bound to fail. That failure would not be your fault.

Damn, it sounds like my marriage - me in school. Him in the bars. Me taking care of the home and kids and working my ass off. The EX in the bars. Me saying 'I need you.' The EX saying 'yeah, yeah...let me finish this round of drinks and then maybe I'll be home.'

Is this what you are missing?

While I am very sorry that she cheated on you, and I am sorry for all this pain that goes with it, I hope you find that there were some other issues there that stopped her from being fully WITH you.

She doesn't sound like a prize.

Keep your chin up...and tell yourself you are NOT a VICTIM. You are a SURVIVOR.

Sending support, L~

Well said Steck.....we should start using that tagline 'SURVIVOR'.

Perhaps we need to start a new forum...THE INFIDELITY SURVIVOR FORUM.

Thanks Blind!

Hi, I have been having a lot of problems with memories of her (both good and bad memories). Is this just something that takes time to lessen the emotions and feelings associated with the memories?

These emotions ebb and flow.......especially early in the process.

Currently, you are not in a life situation that is desirable for you. Job loss, living with parents, recent split up.
We all have our limits.
I think you are doing AMAZINGLY well considering your challenges.

If you begin to fill your life with positive things, you will essentially be making new memories.

Hey........'remember' those previous ladies you dated? They don't consume your thoughts so much. Soon your ex will be nothing but a fading memory too.