Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
After finding out he met ow again after a 2 1/2 yr long affair and him saying it was over, he met her again (got photos and eye witness account of him and her being physical, kissing, hugging etc)
He is trying to reconcile with me but because this is the 2nd time I am in a terrible situation of knowing what is the best thing to do. I know no one can help me with that but I need a sounding board and opinions to what he wrote me the other day: this was a hard thing for him to do, I appreciate that, but he has been in so much denial and he is looking for hope with me and I am not giving him any.
He wrote this, its quite long so apologies:
It all started in August 2006, I know I wasn't looking for anything & I know I wasn't unhappy, but I fell into the classic fools trap. She made it obvious she was attracted to me, this had never happened to me before and I felt flattered, excited, powerful ....all the classic signs of a foolish man about to embark on the road to ruin.
Then before you know it, youre in a full-blown affair and the lies and deceit begin in earnest.
You know its very wrong, but do everything to block out the unevitable consequences. It sounds strange, but you love your wife and family grows stronger, even as if you think that this will make everything all right.
The relationship carried on in an on-off irregular way until Feb 2009 and ended amicably.
Now I realise it probably ended to amicably. Quite apart from the dreadful trauma it caused Becky (me) at the end of 2009 (he met her again as she had been ill, this is when I really found out about the A), and to this day, it led to the unforgivable events of the other week.
On the Tues of that week, she quite unexpectedly as far as I was concerned appeared in the office (she had been signed of long term sick). We bumped into each other and exchanged pleasantries, then she mentioned she was due to come in again the the thurs and would I like to join her for a few drinks after work.
I was non-commital and did have other options for that night (work related) and the one I wish to god I had taken was to come straight home.
We met on the thurs afternnoon in the office and she mentioned again about meeting and how good it would be to meet up and catch up on everything that had happened since they last met up about 6/7 months ago.
I know I shouldn't have and I knew I had promised, but in my mind I didn't see what harm it could do and I was interested in what had happened to her and what was going to happen in the future, especially about the prospect of her returning to work.
Met her and she suggested we go somewhere alone to which I agreed. We chatted and caught up. From the start she was touchy feely to which I responded, although not straight away. I felt strange, I was busy telling her how happy things were between me and Becky at home, she seemed genuinely happy for me and made no mention of the affair starting up again. After about 60 mins I started to feel uncomfortable and told her it was time to go. She seemed fine with this and asked If I could see her home, although not all the way. I agreed, we left and I became less uncomfortable knowing we were leaving on good terms with no threat for the furture. We kissed (not snogged) on the platform and at the taxi as a form of goodbye. (NB the eye witness told me it was very affectionate, passionate kissing, long but not eat your face off, and it happened around 4 times, they also were holding hands whilst walking, she also was draped around him many times, and he her many times, at one point he was stroking her thighs). .But it was a genuine goodbye and I felt at the time it was the right thing to do.
Of course all of this I bitterly regret,mainly for the effect it has on Becky and what may have done for the children.
Becky & kids are my life, my reason for living and it breaks my heart every time i think of the consequences of my actions.
Of course, none of this is of any help to Becky. I see it in her eyes the devastating effect the deceit and lies have caused and I will do everything in my power while I still have a breath of life inside me to help make things better for her.
This all stems from massive insecurity, lack of confidence and convinced myth will become reality- must do everything before I depart.
Despite the reasons, fears and insecurities It is a struggle to come up with any explanations for my actions and can only come to the conclusion that am just an inherently bad person who deserves to just fade away into obscurity.
Reasons for my selfishness:
Wanted it all and more
Compulsive need to be Mr Popular
Can't say no
Point blank refusal to face up to real problems (Health)
Consequences now:
Mind all over the place
Can't focus
Can't function
Heavy heart
Empty stomach
Overwhelming sadness
Overwhelming guilt
Consequences (Physical)
Losing home
Losing job
Losing will to live
Losing health
Losing mind
NO MORE SELF PITY ..STOP IT
Consequences (future)
Misery (for self and family, hopefully short term for family)
Penury (I deserve, no-one else)
Death (can bring financial benefits for loved ones)
Physical state (now
Overweight, unfit, unattractive, and convinced I have a terminal illness.
Mental state (past & present)
Have lived with fear of terminal illness since before marriage, has given me countless sleepless nights in the past 25 years (Aids from having unprotected sex in Spain 25 yrs ago. Cancer from a growth on my chest that started 15 years ago.
What do you all think about that. I feel sort of bad posting this as it is his personal stuff, but I don't know anymore about anything and need some guidance Please.
He is trying to reconcile with me but because this is the 2nd time I am in a terrible situation of knowing what is the best thing to do. I know no one can help me with that but I need a sounding board and opinions to what he wrote me the other day: this was a hard thing for him to do, I appreciate that, but he has been in so much denial and he is looking for hope with me and I am not giving him any.
He wrote this, its quite long so apologies:
It all started in August 2006, I know I wasn't looking for anything & I know I wasn't unhappy, but I fell into the classic fools trap. She made it obvious she was attracted to me, this had never happened to me before and I felt flattered, excited, powerful ....all the classic signs of a foolish man about to embark on the road to ruin.
Then before you know it, youre in a full-blown affair and the lies and deceit begin in earnest.
You know its very wrong, but do everything to block out the unevitable consequences. It sounds strange, but you love your wife and family grows stronger, even as if you think that this will make everything all right.
The relationship carried on in an on-off irregular way until Feb 2009 and ended amicably.
Now I realise it probably ended to amicably. Quite apart from the dreadful trauma it caused Becky (me) at the end of 2009 (he met her again as she had been ill, this is when I really found out about the A), and to this day, it led to the unforgivable events of the other week.
On the Tues of that week, she quite unexpectedly as far as I was concerned appeared in the office (she had been signed of long term sick). We bumped into each other and exchanged pleasantries, then she mentioned she was due to come in again the the thurs and would I like to join her for a few drinks after work.
I was non-commital and did have other options for that night (work related) and the one I wish to god I had taken was to come straight home.
We met on the thurs afternnoon in the office and she mentioned again about meeting and how good it would be to meet up and catch up on everything that had happened since they last met up about 6/7 months ago.
I know I shouldn't have and I knew I had promised, but in my mind I didn't see what harm it could do and I was interested in what had happened to her and what was going to happen in the future, especially about the prospect of her returning to work.
Met her and she suggested we go somewhere alone to which I agreed. We chatted and caught up. From the start she was touchy feely to which I responded, although not straight away. I felt strange, I was busy telling her how happy things were between me and Becky at home, she seemed genuinely happy for me and made no mention of the affair starting up again. After about 60 mins I started to feel uncomfortable and told her it was time to go. She seemed fine with this and asked If I could see her home, although not all the way. I agreed, we left and I became less uncomfortable knowing we were leaving on good terms with no threat for the furture. We kissed (not snogged) on the platform and at the taxi as a form of goodbye. (NB the eye witness told me it was very affectionate, passionate kissing, long but not eat your face off, and it happened around 4 times, they also were holding hands whilst walking, she also was draped around him many times, and he her many times, at one point he was stroking her thighs). .But it was a genuine goodbye and I felt at the time it was the right thing to do.
Of course all of this I bitterly regret,mainly for the effect it has on Becky and what may have done for the children.
Becky & kids are my life, my reason for living and it breaks my heart every time i think of the consequences of my actions.
Of course, none of this is of any help to Becky. I see it in her eyes the devastating effect the deceit and lies have caused and I will do everything in my power while I still have a breath of life inside me to help make things better for her.
This all stems from massive insecurity, lack of confidence and convinced myth will become reality- must do everything before I depart.
Despite the reasons, fears and insecurities It is a struggle to come up with any explanations for my actions and can only come to the conclusion that am just an inherently bad person who deserves to just fade away into obscurity.
Reasons for my selfishness:
Wanted it all and more
Compulsive need to be Mr Popular
Can't say no
Point blank refusal to face up to real problems (Health)
Consequences now:
Mind all over the place
Can't focus
Can't function
Heavy heart
Empty stomach
Overwhelming sadness
Overwhelming guilt
Consequences (Physical)
Losing home
Losing job
Losing will to live
Losing health
Losing mind
NO MORE SELF PITY ..STOP IT
Consequences (future)
Misery (for self and family, hopefully short term for family)
Penury (I deserve, no-one else)
Death (can bring financial benefits for loved ones)
Physical state (now
Overweight, unfit, unattractive, and convinced I have a terminal illness.
Mental state (past & present)
Have lived with fear of terminal illness since before marriage, has given me countless sleepless nights in the past 25 years (Aids from having unprotected sex in Spain 25 yrs ago. Cancer from a growth on my chest that started 15 years ago.
What do you all think about that. I feel sort of bad posting this as it is his personal stuff, but I don't know anymore about anything and need some guidance Please.
I would tell her husband. That whore needs to be introduced to that bitch KARMA sooner rather than later.
L~
Karma, thats all I can get away with I think??? ooh but how long can I wait ha ha
Went counselling with h and she pretty much made him look like a right Bastard, in a very nice way of course. I think it is sinking in with him that I want him out of my life. He has been very quiet and sheepish around me. I think what I said in therapy shocked him to the core. Unbelievable.