Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi all, I am new to DS and have been reading other members stories. I thought I would share mine. I am not sure where to start. First of all, I have not told a single soul that my husband got another woman pregnant.... I just found this out 3 months ago, while I was 7 months pregnant! I am absolutely humiliated to even admit this has happened to me. I mean, this is NOT how I planned out my life...
It all started 5 years ago when we first got married. We were happy, we could not keep our hands off of each other. This lead to getting pregnant 3 months after we were married. WE were excited to bring a child into this world, or so I thought. After a couple months went by, I started to see phone numbers coming up on his phone, instant messages from females, he was lying about where he was going, I knew he was cheating. I tried to make it work, my entire pregnancy... After I had my son, I told myself I could not have a man like this in his life and decided to leave when he continued to talk to other women. He was in the military so I decided to move back home with my 8 week old baby. (devestating) I raised my son all by myself, living at home and finishing school for 10 months. My husband lived in a different state and we talked on an everyday basis, he said he wanted to make it work and told me he was a changed man. I decided to take him back into our lives and give him another chance... that lead to more and more chances.. uuugggh. Anyway, he came home... a few months went by and it all seemed "better", I thought he had finally changed. I was wrong.. he continued to talk to women at work, on the internet, where ever he could find them. I always told him I would leave, but never did. ( I guess leaving the first time was hard enough on me)
To make a long story short... I believe he has cheated on me all the way up to last January (2010). At that time I was finished, I spoke with a lawyer and it was all nearly finalized when I think he realized he was actually going to lose me. I seen somehthing in him that I had never seen before, dont ask me what, but I decided to give him yet another chance. By this time we had gone through almost 4 years of cheating. (DUMB... I KNOW!)
From last January(2010) until now, I KNOW he has been 100% faithful to me, he has shown me a complete turn around. We found out August (2010) that we were expecting our second child and we were absolutely thrilled. I did not want my son growing up as an only child like I did. I had a great pregnancy, it seemed that our life was FINALLY coming together. BUT this February, one day, when I was just getting home from work, I heard a knock on the door. I answered and a man asked for my husband, I told him that he was not home that I was his wife, I could help him. He explained that he was from the state and he was here to serve papers for a PATERNITY TEST for my husband!!!!! I told him there must be some sort of mistake, we have been married for nearly 5 years!!! He told me he couldnt go into details but he had papers ordered for my husband to take this test. (Let me remind you I am 7 months pregnant at the time.) I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, my heart actually came up into my throat. I called my husband right away and he couldnt believe his ears as well.
Turns out he slept with a woman when I left him the first time (when my son was 8 weeks old) She was trying to get on state assistance and the state ordered the paternity test. It took about 8 weeks to get the actual results which led all the way up to the delivery of our daughter. He IS the father of her child who is almost 3 years old now..... My husband has been ordered to pay child support and provide healthcare for her son. This obviously has had a significant affect on myself and my husband emotionally as well as financially. This past payday was our first paycheck to have the child support taken out and I am not sure how we will be able to make ends meet. (especially with a brand new baby, and hospital bills) We agreed I would be a stay at home mom when our daughter was born and I REFUSE to go back to work to pay for this SLUTS child. My husband makes nearly 3 times what she makes, this makes his child support payments ridiculously high!
I am angry and hurt. I feel like I should have left all of the other times he cheated, I feel like those were Gods signs telling me to get out and I didnt listen! I am sooo angry with myself! I am torn between staying and leaving once again... he has shown me an entirely different side and has shown me how much he wants our family. I do believe he has changed, and I know this was a HUGE life changing wake up call... I am just not sure I can live with the fact he impregnated another woman... I do know I will not have my husband have any part of this childs life, he of course has to pay child support but other than that as long as I am around he will not have anything to do with this child! I know it sounds horrible but I personally cannot do it!
We are now trying to contact the other woman to see if she has anyone positive in her sons life to step up and care for him, relinguishing my husbands parental rights. However, the state will NOT give us ANY contact information for her. I feel like we will be fighting a losing battle. I mean, do I not have any rights as his wife?! Obviously not, this one night stand slut has more rights and say in this then I do... its unfair and frustrates the hell out of me!
I have found her on facebook so we decided to write her. So far no response, I am not sure she even is active on there because her profile is set to private. Anyway, this is my story.... any encouraging words, experiences or input would be oh so helpful. Again this is my first time even telling this story... those of you who have read this far, thanks for reading my novel....
It all started 5 years ago when we first got married. We were happy, we could not keep our hands off of each other. This lead to getting pregnant 3 months after we were married. WE were excited to bring a child into this world, or so I thought. After a couple months went by, I started to see phone numbers coming up on his phone, instant messages from females, he was lying about where he was going, I knew he was cheating. I tried to make it work, my entire pregnancy... After I had my son, I told myself I could not have a man like this in his life and decided to leave when he continued to talk to other women. He was in the military so I decided to move back home with my 8 week old baby. (devestating) I raised my son all by myself, living at home and finishing school for 10 months. My husband lived in a different state and we talked on an everyday basis, he said he wanted to make it work and told me he was a changed man. I decided to take him back into our lives and give him another chance... that lead to more and more chances.. uuugggh. Anyway, he came home... a few months went by and it all seemed "better", I thought he had finally changed. I was wrong.. he continued to talk to women at work, on the internet, where ever he could find them. I always told him I would leave, but never did. ( I guess leaving the first time was hard enough on me)
To make a long story short... I believe he has cheated on me all the way up to last January (2010). At that time I was finished, I spoke with a lawyer and it was all nearly finalized when I think he realized he was actually going to lose me. I seen somehthing in him that I had never seen before, dont ask me what, but I decided to give him yet another chance. By this time we had gone through almost 4 years of cheating. (DUMB... I KNOW!)
From last January(2010) until now, I KNOW he has been 100% faithful to me, he has shown me a complete turn around. We found out August (2010) that we were expecting our second child and we were absolutely thrilled. I did not want my son growing up as an only child like I did. I had a great pregnancy, it seemed that our life was FINALLY coming together. BUT this February, one day, when I was just getting home from work, I heard a knock on the door. I answered and a man asked for my husband, I told him that he was not home that I was his wife, I could help him. He explained that he was from the state and he was here to serve papers for a PATERNITY TEST for my husband!!!!! I told him there must be some sort of mistake, we have been married for nearly 5 years!!! He told me he couldnt go into details but he had papers ordered for my husband to take this test. (Let me remind you I am 7 months pregnant at the time.) I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, my heart actually came up into my throat. I called my husband right away and he couldnt believe his ears as well.
Turns out he slept with a woman when I left him the first time (when my son was 8 weeks old) She was trying to get on state assistance and the state ordered the paternity test. It took about 8 weeks to get the actual results which led all the way up to the delivery of our daughter. He IS the father of her child who is almost 3 years old now..... My husband has been ordered to pay child support and provide healthcare for her son. This obviously has had a significant affect on myself and my husband emotionally as well as financially. This past payday was our first paycheck to have the child support taken out and I am not sure how we will be able to make ends meet. (especially with a brand new baby, and hospital bills) We agreed I would be a stay at home mom when our daughter was born and I REFUSE to go back to work to pay for this SLUTS child. My husband makes nearly 3 times what she makes, this makes his child support payments ridiculously high!
I am angry and hurt. I feel like I should have left all of the other times he cheated, I feel like those were Gods signs telling me to get out and I didnt listen! I am sooo angry with myself! I am torn between staying and leaving once again... he has shown me an entirely different side and has shown me how much he wants our family. I do believe he has changed, and I know this was a HUGE life changing wake up call... I am just not sure I can live with the fact he impregnated another woman... I do know I will not have my husband have any part of this childs life, he of course has to pay child support but other than that as long as I am around he will not have anything to do with this child! I know it sounds horrible but I personally cannot do it!
We are now trying to contact the other woman to see if she has anyone positive in her sons life to step up and care for him, relinguishing my husbands parental rights. However, the state will NOT give us ANY contact information for her. I feel like we will be fighting a losing battle. I mean, do I not have any rights as his wife?! Obviously not, this one night stand slut has more rights and say in this then I do... its unfair and frustrates the hell out of me!
I have found her on facebook so we decided to write her. So far no response, I am not sure she even is active on there because her profile is set to private. Anyway, this is my story.... any encouraging words, experiences or input would be oh so helpful. Again this is my first time even telling this story... those of you who have read this far, thanks for reading my novel....
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Unless I've read wrong your ex is a serial cheater and you stay because you love him. But how can you put most of the blame on this woman and hunt for ways to get them out of your life?
I feel for the position HE has put all of you in. Her, her child, you and your children. He did that. If she was whoring around what was your H doing? Sorry, just writing as I'm thinking.
My ex left an adorable little boy down in the Philippines. Gave him a family name that has been passed down. As far as I know his only son although there are proably more around we don't know about. While he still denise most contact with her he moved her thru three countries as he came home to me on R&R.
I never once blamed her, I never once turned my back on her. That is just me and the ex screwed up big time and he needed to make it right with his son.
Our biggest fight was the fact that he was going to support his son. That child is an innocent victim and he needed to be supported.That boy is entitled to American citizenship and I'm the one who had to tell out grown daughter she now has a much younger little brother. I know one day he will find us and will be looking for his sister and his father. That's why I told her.
I'm not sure who my father is and that is why I insisted my daughter know about this little boy. They have the right to know about each other if that is what they want.
I've divorced the ex and he has quit paying the support this child needs. There is nothing she can do from the Philippines to get the support they need. My ex is a serial cheater and I place the blame for all of this squarely on him. No one twisted his arm and forced him to take up with this woman. She didn't know he was married.
So I can see this from several sides and that child your H fathered has the right to know her father and sibling. Whether that happens is another story and only you and your H will know how that works out.
But, it is his child and he should be responsible for taking care of him. It's just seems like the right thing to do.
She might have just assumed (or prayed) that the child was the om's because he had a DNA test too. But she does have a really good memory because she remembered your spouse's last name during a quick affair. How else would she have tracked him down?
Anyway, I wish you luck because you have some big decisions to make about how or when you tell Your children they have a 1/2 brother and how are you going to answer the questions they will ask...assuming you will one day tell them.
I'm really hoping and praying there is something we can do... I hope someone will legally adopt him. I hate it because somedays I feel strong and at times "forget" about it all and go on with everyday life... I'm happy with my h and we have a wonderful little family. Then other days I feel like I just can't handle the pain I feel inside . Thinking about it all and the future overwhelms me to the point where I want to throw in the towel.=(
WOW I'M SO NORMAL!!!!
WOW YOU ARE SO NORMAL!!! ;-D
try it...I say it over and over on my way to work at night...when I'm alone in the car with my thoughts...when I want to cry for the last few mins I can before facing others....instead of telling myself to stop being so crazy...stop letting my feelings get away with me...stop crying...stop hurting so much....WOW, I'M SO NORMAL!!! it's a nice start to my day ;-)
sending you support and empathy...take care