Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I just wanted to start up this conversation and let people know because I have seen others posting about this subject in their replies that anyone has the power to cheat or have an affiar actually.
I think those who have been cheated on really have that nuclear option that they can hold on their pocket and use at any given time.
I mean you as the BS can do this at anytime anywhere and no one would really say much to the affect.
People would even side with you actually. Say yea they deserved it give them a taste of their own medicine. It really would put them in their place.
You can do this at anytime actual and no one would really judge you it might feel good to do it but there are hidden consequences to it.
If your spouse is trying to help you rebuild and showing you full remorse I would say their guilt of their sins are being shown in full display so what would be the point? You are going down to their level probably not a good place to be.
I would also say if they left you or there is no remorse or no option of repair then its just you trying to move on and be with someone cause no one wants to be lonely and we are all on this planet trying to find someone and share memories with or make them with. Thats my 2 cents.
I think those who have been cheated on really have that nuclear option that they can hold on their pocket and use at any given time.
I mean you as the BS can do this at anytime anywhere and no one would really say much to the affect.
People would even side with you actually. Say yea they deserved it give them a taste of their own medicine. It really would put them in their place.
You can do this at anytime actual and no one would really judge you it might feel good to do it but there are hidden consequences to it.
If your spouse is trying to help you rebuild and showing you full remorse I would say their guilt of their sins are being shown in full display so what would be the point? You are going down to their level probably not a good place to be.
I would also say if they left you or there is no remorse or no option of repair then its just you trying to move on and be with someone cause no one wants to be lonely and we are all on this planet trying to find someone and share memories with or make them with. Thats my 2 cents.
He has hurt me before to the point where I wanted to take my life.I can't even write what he did because it was that messed up..I take responsibility for my part.I stopped having sex with him but instead of talking to me or jerking off like a normal guy,he goes and has an affair..Wtf!?
If you have a chance to repair and communicate to him all your feelings - in thearpy that could really help flush out both of your concerns - you won't have to us or think about that option.
Are you both communicating well with each other? Is he listening to your fears and concerns and addressing them?
If the CS is still in the Bubble, it won't phase them a bit. In fact, it will just re-enforce the demonization already built to justify their A.
If the CS is genuinely remorseful, it still won't hurt them as much for they would think that yes, they deserved it. Might actually relieve them of their guilt since the score is now even.
Regardless, Affair, revenge or otherwise is a total waste!!
The Ow was really stupid,I asked her why she thought my h liked her and her answer was" because he said I had a nice body" First of all she asked him and secondly are you 5!?? Moron.
I don't understand how you could do that to the one person you love in this world for sex with an unattractive idiot.How could you lie to me for so long?All I think about are the how's and why's. My brain hurts.
It took me awhile to get to the Anger Stage, because I'm not really an "anger" kind of person.
Once I got there, yowza. I didn't think I would ever get past it. I was infuriated 24/7. Every time I looked at him. Every room of my house, I knew she'd been in it. No matter what I was doing, thinking, seeing, hearing.....I was PISSED.
You need to know that YOU are in control of getting past your anger, and having a revenge affair will accomplish nothing except putting you on the same level of personal failure that he's at right now.
Whether your marriage can survive, or not, don't become someone you're not. Give it time. Stay in IC and MC for as long as it takes. Even splitting from your husband won't make your anger go away, so you've got to work through it no matter what.
Good luck!
Does that help you? probably not but he probably could never ever replace you so he wanted to feed his ego and there was stupid opportunity - i hope that he says he loves you every day.
My STBX's father cheated - his father (her grandfather) cheated until... he freakin died - I mean the weekend before he died he was cheating (still married to her grandmother) it was just excepted in her cultural and get this - her father drove her grandfather to the affair ladies house- he had an affair partner at the age of 75 years old.
she is colombian and where she is from all the guys cheat - her mothers father also cheated and had 2 boys from an affair lady. Guess what - they were all still married and the ladies stuck by them.
I figured if I didnt cheat and was an all around nice guy - I would be safe. I have been told that if i actually cheated on her she probably would have crumbled. i would never do that to her cause i couldnt live with myself and the gult and shame.
Your dude messed up - I hope he gets his act together - if not - leave him. you will find someone better and i am sure he is afraid of that.
On top of that, it will make any efforts to rebuild doubly hard. As Built pointed out, it will not likely teach the CS much, but will make them feel, "Okay, now she can't complain about my cheating. We're both in the same boat. She's just as guilty as I am."
In addition, it makes up hypocrites. To have so much pain and be willing to inflict that pain on them makes us no better than them. We should practice what we preach. If the marriage is damaged beyond repair, get out of it, *then* seek a new relationship. Getting those turned around is the cause of much grief and pain for everyone involved.
It should resolve itself when you come to a place that you realize it isn't doing any good, only making you feel worse. You move from anger to indifference. What usually follows then is depression.
But some people fail to move past it for any number of reasons. Sometimes the CS isn't doing what they should be doing. Sometimes the BS finds it difficult to develop empathy and forgiveness. Sometimes the BS can get addicted to the control anger gives them over their spouse. Other reasons could be thrown into the mix. But otherwise, after a period of anger, it should slow to a low ebb, especially if the CS is making progress in healing themselves, you, and the relationship.
Hang in there.
I have to live with the fact that she was telling him "I love you"
I have to live with the fact that he was kissing her.
I have to live with the fact that he was inside her MANY times.
I have to live with the fact that I had his sperm in MY MOUTH
(He ejaculated on her stomach and I was kissing it)
I have to live with the fact she screwed him in my bed.
I have to live with the fact that she screwed him in our Explorer
I have to live with the fact that I heard him tell her "You fealt so good the other night"
I have to wonder if that is his car driving by my house every time I see a White car.
You guys cannot come on here and tell me that you trust the CS in any way, shape or form. I let my guard down and all the truth came right back out when I checked her searches on Facebook.
Maybe revenge sex/affair might not be other peoples answer, but it is mine. I want her to know what it is like to feel what I feel. To sit and wonder where I am and who I am with. Why a quick run to the local grocery store takes 45 minutes to an hour. I want her to know that I have been inside another women the next time I want oral sex.
I have to live with it, so does she.
They lie because they have to and want to.
They cheat because they want to. Nobody made them do it. It was their choice. But to do it for 4 years, and still tell me that you love me and I am the one you want to be with..... More LIES.
Again, some people get over it, at least they think they do.
It will always be in the back of your mind. IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY.
Will I cheat, I would say YES.
Will I have revenge sex, definately YES.
Will I have any regrets. definately NO.
ONE TIME IS TOO MANY!
The details are useless. Even an EA is unacceptable. Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what your partner did is OK in any way shape of form. There is a fork on the road. Stay or Leave, simple. And it all depends on what your partner does to heal & reassure you of her commitment.
If you can't forgive, let go.
If she can't / won't dedicate her life to making up to you, let go.
Being stuck in Limbo will only eat you up from the inside with no resolution. We're MEN! We fix things, build things, not sit there and dwell over the past. No point sitting at the fork and keep raising RPM's in Park gear.
Pick a fork, shift into gear and floor it...Life's too short!