Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello:
About 6 months ago I found out my husband of 36 years cheated on me with a married" woman". I haven't been the same since. I cry everyday. I don't understand how he can betray me and lie like this.It has been over for about a year and here are the things he says to me:
Says he loves me and always has ,wants to spend the rest of his life with me.( When I talk about divorce or separation he won't hear of it).
I told him i wish things could get back to how we were and he said they will because I am the most important person in his life and nothing is ever going to change that.
Says doesn't give a shit about her and is not going to ruin a 36 year marriage because of her.
Says it's in the past and didn't see it as a big deal and never in his wildest dreams did he think i would be hurt so badly .
Says he wishes it never would have happened but it's done and what do I want him to do now?
I told him things are different between us now and he says they are not, it's all in my head.
I don't understand how you can love someone and cheat on them.
I haven't told anyone not even our daughter so thank you for listening to me.
I NEED HELP!
Maryanne
Why do they do this? Because they want to. It is that simple.
Do not blame yourself. You did not make him cheat. That is all on him.
Are you sure the affair is over? Cheaters lie. Many affairs go underground once they are discovered. If she is married, tell her husband. Don't be afraid, just do it.
Ask your H to write the other woman a letter telling her the affair was a huge mistake, it is over, and he loves you, his wife. Then you be sure are the one
who mails it.
Tell you H her has to go into individual therapy. You should probably talk to someone yourself. Forget marriage counseling for a while. Cheaters tend to like in MC.
He has to be the one to restore the trust. He broke it, he can fix it.
The more he does to help you heal, the better you will be. The pain does subside if what he is saying matches his actions.
My H told me much the same. He refused to leave, said he loves me, yet he continued to sneak around with the OW. It has been pure hell. But I think
he is finally over his slut and his desire to cheat. But who knows . . .
Good luck to you!
For what its worth I see a couple red flags right out of the gate..."Its not a big deal" and "Its all in your head"...translation: minimizing and gaslighting.
thank you for answering me.
I do not blame myself and he even told me that it's not my fault(not that I would have believed him if he had said it was).
He said it is over ,I think it is right now but i'm worried it might restart even though he told me no, it's over for good.
I wouldn't tell her husband, I don't want to ruin a marriage and have him suffer like I am. Funny you mention her husband cause I told H that i hope her husband finds out she was screwing a married man and he told me" no please don't tell him, they have a 12 year old daughter who is innocent in all this"
I don't even know who her husband is. I know the whore's name and home phone number and address. I found them through investigating on spokeo, been verified etc. I don't even know if those websites are up to date.I already knew her cell phone number from his phone.
She doesn't have a facebook or twitter or nothing. I think i found her sister and niece on Facebook but i'm not sure. The bitch has a very common name so it's not easy.
I was thinking to go to therapy myself but i'm afraid I will find out things I am not seeing at the moment and will be even more hurt.
About the thing in my head : I also told H the "Mike" (meaning my husband not his real name) I knew is gone. I don't know where he is and most importantly why he left. He also said he is not gone and it's all in my brain.
After a big fight 3 weeks ago i went and slept at our house (which is being renovated) just for one night and he was so happy to see me the next morning.and a few days later again i camped out at Walmart parking lot with him begging me to come home and texting each other till 4 AM.
He has been nicer to me since then.
When I say we should get divorced or at least a separation he gets very upset and tells me to stop talking nonsense and we are not getting divorced.
The thought of them together ,talking ,planning having sex is driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about it.
How can you stay with someone (me) in bed or in car making plans , talking all the while you have someone else that you talk to and make plans etc.
I am crushed.
Sorry for making this so long.
Thanks
Maryanne
AP= affair Partner
You have been given great advice!
Drive to her house (with copies of texts emails or what ever else you have) give it to her husband
I'm afraid to tell her H ( not that I know who he is or what his name is)
There would be no alimony because we don't have underage children.
The house is paid off and in my name only and he told me a few times that I can throw him out anytime and tell him to get lost. I think he knows I wouldn't do that. I just tell him we will get divorced and split the money.
You know another funny thing? he's always said that if i cheated he would leave me. Even now after I found out about him.
I guess he's the only one allowed to cheat.
The OW's husband deserves to know. This is not your secret. If they are so upset about other people knowing, the kids, etc., then why did they do it?
And carry on for so long?
You are smart enough to figure out who these people are. Put a GPS in your H's car and a voice recorder, too. Do not be surprised when you find out the A is still going on.
Agree with Storm that the OW's H deserves to know. Wouldn't any of us have given anything to have been told the truth?
I don't have too many details because the more i found out the worse it was for me, so I think i've heard enough, I don't want to know anymore.
souse that strayed = scumbag
call a turd a turd