Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Please this is for people who have been/are the one cheating. I understand there are many strong views on the topic. i really need the point of view of someone who has been exactly where I am now.
My husband and I dated for 1.5 years before finding out we were pregnant. I was actually planning on breaking things off with him bc it was just not a healthy/happy relationship .. I had already given my now husband an ultimatum that things either get better or I'm moving out. I couldn't just dump him bc we were living together and I wasn't making enough money to rent a place of my own at that time. Shortly thereafter we found out we were expecting. Actually one of my biggest fears was this when I found out I was pregnant. That life would be miserable and either I or my husband will have an affair or we'd get a divorce.
So fast forward to now. Husband refuses a divorce if the topic is ever brought up and doesn't see any real problems in our relationship even though we rarely make love and when we do neither is it fulfilling or sober. We argue way more than we should in front of our child - which I hate - and there just is very little respect for one another on either side. I am not attracted to him. The idea of kissing him more than a quick peck is off-putting to me. I mean I love him but I'm not in love with him. I think overall we co-parent well, that's about it.
So basically in the midst of this marriage, I've recently & unintentionally met someone. It's all been text but as cliche would have it, so far he sounds like such a good match. And I can honestly say the conversations we have had are far more stimulating (not sexually) than my husband and I have ever had even when we we're only dating. I feel like I am looking to an affair to a way out .. An exit affair or a long term affair. To be brutally honest. I feel like I have no way out, otherwise. Divorce is not an option... I mean if husband finds out about this then it might be but even then it's doubtful. That's not to say that makes it okay. It's just marriage means something else to me now. I wish I just never married at all. My beliefs as an older adult are so different from my beliefs a few years ago but short of a time travel machine, nothing I can do now.
My question is this: have you initiated an affair, what were your circumstances and what was the result? Also did you and your Affair partner ever discuss/want a future together?
Finally, everyone says that relationships that are out of affair partners fail because they're a lie to start with. When they say that, does it mean it's a lie bc you're not really in a relationship? Like dealing with the usual ups & downs - bc otherwise I don't see how 2 people connecting while married to others is a lie. Unless one of the is being deceitful from the get-go to the other, of course.
Again, I am completely aware and respect that many people will find my topic/questions deplorable & morally beyond wrong and I respect that. I ask not for your judgment but just mutual respect in a "to each his own" manner. And giving me your negative opinion really won't impact my opinion or decisions in any way.
I appreciate anyone who is willing to share.
My husband and I dated for 1.5 years before finding out we were pregnant. I was actually planning on breaking things off with him bc it was just not a healthy/happy relationship .. I had already given my now husband an ultimatum that things either get better or I'm moving out. I couldn't just dump him bc we were living together and I wasn't making enough money to rent a place of my own at that time. Shortly thereafter we found out we were expecting. Actually one of my biggest fears was this when I found out I was pregnant. That life would be miserable and either I or my husband will have an affair or we'd get a divorce.
So fast forward to now. Husband refuses a divorce if the topic is ever brought up and doesn't see any real problems in our relationship even though we rarely make love and when we do neither is it fulfilling or sober. We argue way more than we should in front of our child - which I hate - and there just is very little respect for one another on either side. I am not attracted to him. The idea of kissing him more than a quick peck is off-putting to me. I mean I love him but I'm not in love with him. I think overall we co-parent well, that's about it.
So basically in the midst of this marriage, I've recently & unintentionally met someone. It's all been text but as cliche would have it, so far he sounds like such a good match. And I can honestly say the conversations we have had are far more stimulating (not sexually) than my husband and I have ever had even when we we're only dating. I feel like I am looking to an affair to a way out .. An exit affair or a long term affair. To be brutally honest. I feel like I have no way out, otherwise. Divorce is not an option... I mean if husband finds out about this then it might be but even then it's doubtful. That's not to say that makes it okay. It's just marriage means something else to me now. I wish I just never married at all. My beliefs as an older adult are so different from my beliefs a few years ago but short of a time travel machine, nothing I can do now.
My question is this: have you initiated an affair, what were your circumstances and what was the result? Also did you and your Affair partner ever discuss/want a future together?
Finally, everyone says that relationships that are out of affair partners fail because they're a lie to start with. When they say that, does it mean it's a lie bc you're not really in a relationship? Like dealing with the usual ups & downs - bc otherwise I don't see how 2 people connecting while married to others is a lie. Unless one of the is being deceitful from the get-go to the other, of course.
Again, I am completely aware and respect that many people will find my topic/questions deplorable & morally beyond wrong and I respect that. I ask not for your judgment but just mutual respect in a "to each his own" manner. And giving me your negative opinion really won't impact my opinion or decisions in any way.
I appreciate anyone who is willing to share.
Go here, they can help
i am very sad for your child, poor thing has you for a "mother"
Go to your husband, tell him you want a divorce. He can have full custody of the kid, you will not ask for anything, and you will do whatever he asks.
If you think having an affair is the best way to end your marriage, you are cruel and sick. Try to be fair and decent.
That's how you do that. It's simple, clean, and done. Don't cloud the decision with indecision. Make it black and white. You'll be happier this way, believe me.
wow, absolutely perfect
It sounds like you've made your decision. Just remember while you are deciding this, that while you have taken the time to come to this decision, the rest of your family has not shared in this luxury.
you have to 1st recognize the issue / try to deal with it via your self, joint spousal efforts &/or paraprofessional help resources, howerver: the Overall Stimulus to the personal/family/ma!rital Issue does come down to the "one who cheated"
Tolerate only what your willing to!
Do the right thing or the wrong thing. Dont justify your reasons for doing the wrong thing. It just comes down to 2 choices. The right one or the wrong one.
it is a betrayal
affair leaves out the messy part, you know like putting "partner" yes the person that you'll claim to want to co-parent with, yes the parent of your child, at risk for STDs
the betrayal of trust
the betrayal of your own vows & those that you made to your "partner"
please tell your child that when you are fucking around that they should be happy for you & understand that the knife you are sticking in their other parents heart & back is just your way of moving on
you go girl!
I like the fact that the USDA stamps our meat products with expiration dates.
The temptation of an affair is real and comes with a temporary promise of happiness. And for a time, it can be elating and get you feeling high...
But in my last affair--I hope, ever--I suffered through my feelings and it was not pretty for anyone involved, not my lover and not my girlfriend.
If I could do things over, I would confront my partner with the issues that bother me and see what can be done about them before ever taking on an affair.
It's not so much that it's the right thing to do, but it's the best thing for you. Should your partner not be able fix the issues with you, you will be in a much better position to start a new relationship with this person than if you carry the baggage of your current relationship into it.
It's what took me years to learn.
Wishing you the best in whatever you choose to do.