15 self centered soul sucking typical cheater,
Confront your partner about their fault in you being unhappy in the relationship, wow

I'm confronting you

How about growing a spine and doing it more along the line of "we"
Where are we of track
What's not working for you
This isn't working for me
Would you like to work on us with me

Not you 15, you are about blaming someone else for the vile person you are at your core

Yuck

Good answers from everyone, but one more thing, can you look at yourself in the mirror and say I am an honest, trustworthy and respectful person to my child, husband and myself. Remember, if they can do it with you, they can do it to you. Think how you would feel walking into a room with your current flavour of the month, hearing whispers and looks. Even if they are not talking about you, you will think that they are. Or if they are not around, at the back of your mind you will be always wondering what they are up to. Sleep will become very sporadic, too. So if you can live with that, the choice is yours. But it will be a very bad choice. I had to live through my mother's anguish when my father had more flavour of the month than an ice cream place. I am 65 and I can still feel it. It is better to separate and later divorce than cheat.

The Man In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isnt your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Hes the fellow to please never mind all the rest
For hes with you, clear to the end
And youve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If youve cheated the man in the glass.

By: Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

Hi refurb,

I didn't say anything about faulting my partner.

I actually meant what you describe: confronting her with things that don't work for me with the intent of working on them together and exploring solutions. Noted that I didn't elaborate on the working on them together part. Certainly, that dialogue would involve listening to what the partner might need as well, and how those things can be addressed.

I think this is the best thing to do. Having an affair to avoid this dialogue or resolution-seeking, is not only the wrong thing to do, but it will be the most damaging in the long run.

I'm certainly guilty of taking that cowardly path. But I learned my lesson and know better now.

Was simply trying to share with the original poster to offer some perspective and perhaps be of help.

Theazmuth, fair enough, I apologize for jumping to conclusions

"Finally, everyone says that relationships that are out of affair partners fail because they're a lie to start with. When they say that, does it mean it's a lie bc you're not really in a relationship? Like dealing with the usual ups & downs - bc otherwise I don't see how 2 people connecting while married to others is a lie. Unless one of the is being deceitful from the get-go to the other, of course."

It would be a lie because you are hiding it from your husband, breaking your promise to remain faithful to him which I assume you made when you were married. If he has no say or input into what is going on, then you are lying to him, perhaps by lies of omission, but often you have to directly lie to keep it hidden. "Honey, I'm going to visit my friends," but don't tell him one of those friends you have an intimate relationship with. That's lying.

If you weren't lying, he'd be fully aware of your activities.

If I remember the statistics right, I believe there is only 5% of affair partners marrying that don't end up in divorce. Those aren't good odds. There are probably several reasons for that, but one of them is certainly if they are willing to betray their spouse, they'll be willing to betray you somewhere down the line once you become their spouse, or you him.

Affairs do more damage to the marriage, increase the chance it won't heal, but most of all they end up hurting you, because eventually the guilt hits and you can't escape it, though some do a good job of sweeping it under the rug. Only problem is it eventually blows up.

The best way is to be totally transparent with your spouse. Give him these options once you've told him how you feel about the relationship:

1. You both go to a marriage councilor to learn how to show love to one another in a way that is felt by both of you. Learn what love is and how to show it (hint: it isn't merely a romantic feeling). Heal the marriage you've got if you both are ready to commit yourself to it 100%. Visit http://www.marriagebuilders.com to get help with this.

2. You tell him you can't live like this, and you want to be free to seek other relationships that will provide for your needs, either by having an open marriage, a marital separation though not physical or literally an emotional, spiritual divorce but you continue to live together as roommates in an agreed contract, but you can both seek out other relationships for your personal lives. In effect, it is an agreed divorce in all ways save legal and socially. But at least he's fully aware of what is going on.

I'm not saying this is a good situation in my opinion. Some have made it work, but it is fraught with issues that can become complicated. But at least you are being open and transparent with him and he's agreed to it, if he does. That's not cheating, even though some would have other moral issues about it.

3. You get a legal divorce and he or you move out. First visit an attorney to discover what your options are in your state/country. What help there is available. Usually a lawyer will give an initial consultation visit for free. Once divorced, then you are free to pursue your love interests with no needing to hide or lie or feel guilty about cheating.

Bottom line, to have an affair is to take what isn't yours--your love, devotion, and commitment to faithfulness--and give it to another. It may be the easiest path for you to take at this moment, but in the end it is the most destructive and deceitful one for all involved. If you decide to do it, you can't say you haven't been warned. But I know from experience, once someone is longing to do it, few are those who will stop and not go there despite even the advice of those who've been there. I'm not a cheater, but I've seen that dynamic play out time and time again on the cheater's anonymous forum. Once they get in that distorted mindset about their AP, their minds will work overtime to justify what they are doing and why they'll be the exception to the norm.

BTW, you are already neck deep in an emotional affair. What you are asking is if you should take it further. It's probably too late, but reverse course now, refrain from contacting him again, and discuss this with your husband. Once it is all out in the open, you can both decide together what is the best course of action for all involved.

But I know that isn't likely to happen. Good luck with that.

Please humble yourself and think of your child. It's not about you anymore. The best thing you could do is to divorce that man so one day he can have a woman that values his worth. You say divorce is out of the question but considering an affair is. When you children are in the mix are you even thinking of what damage this could cause. The best thing for you is a divorce because all your thinking about is you and your needs.

Recovering cheater here.

You are playing with fire here and you will get burnt. So will your child. And you will have no one to blame but yourself.

You may think that yours is a special situation, but trust me it is not.