Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

cheaters

crazymoon5150
crazymoon5150
I would go in and check out the cheaters annonymous , I thought it would be a brag session and it wasn't , but yesterday I went in there and there was a post about the betrayed spouses being barred from the room ,that the room was set up so that thecheaters would feel comfortable talking about why they cheated and tried to figure out why they cheated and not be bombarded with questions and accusations, some of the posts were about "Why won't my spouse forgive me" or "Im devastated my spouse doesent want to work it out, 'THye don't understand why, well that's good because neither do we, I posted someting like that "cheaters giving each other advice, none of them truly seemed that sorry , only sorry that they got caught some of the affiars had been going on for years, children were produced, and they don't understand why they are not forgiven, im like forgiveness is not handed out like card, it comes in steps, 'Oh ok yo made a mistake , you have been living a double life for almost 2 years ,screwing around on me, 'but that's ok I forgive you 'Im not busting thier chops by any means I don't know them , but being on this side of the fence it was kind of comical to see them wonder why ????
deleted_user
deleted_user
My H was never truly remorseful for his first affair, he tried hard for a couple of months then went back to his pre affair self (abusive controlling coldhearted uninterested in making love)then he wondered why the intimacy and "In Love" feeling dissappeared again just like it had the first time
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think a lot of cheaters just don't get it, because they are so wrapped up in what they want.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to admit I get a little upset when I see cheaters on this site. I understand that in some situations that the other person was screwed too but it does bother me.

Sometimes I do not feel comfortable talking on this site either because of the "other persons" on here or the "cheater" but barring them might not be the right thing but they will have to understand that we might not be kind in our words cause we are hurting.
crazymoon5150
crazymoon5150
My H isn't either, he says he is, but I don't think he is, or else he would be acting differently,humbled or anything any emotion, we've been together about 15 years, he said he was curious and we 'd been together so long,I asked him if it was worth it did she make all his dreams come true was the sex spectacular, he gave me a flat no, but she made him feel wanted, I give up, I don't get it....
crazymoon5150
crazymoon5150
I know I was blown away when I seen that there were cheaters her on this site, trying to talk to us and justify that they are hurting to that maybe, my H is the same way , what did they think was going tohappen when they cheated that we were not going to be hurt, or they were hoping we would not find out, I think its that and they were not thinking that far ahead, or about anything other then themselves,
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don`t post much on infidelity anymore, but wanted to say one thing about cheaters on this site.

There are a few that want to come through and brag about what they are doing and rub it in the faces of the ones hurting. But there are the other ones who are here to help understand the devestation that they caused their s/o.

When I first came here a year or so ago, I met this cheater. He and I had a way difference of opinion. He asked a question and I gave him a very descriptive reply of what my H`s infidelity did to me.

He sent me a private message and said he cried when realized and thanked me for showing him his wifes side of it. We talked alot after that.

Unfortunately his marriage didn`t make it at the time. But if i`m not mistaken they are now doing things together with their kids again.

He made me open my eyes and I was able to talk to my H about what he had did and thanks to this wonderful person we did mend things for a while till he cheated again.

So yes it is hard when some of the cheaters that come here brag and boast about what they are doing. But most if you let them can possibly help, and you can help them too. Just my 2 cents on this
deleted_user
deleted_user
You know, I too browse the posts over there...I am not a member, but some of it IS actually helpful for me in understanding. Yes, there are some that are continuing their affair or do not feel remorseful, and hell yeah, it does piss me off for their spouses (But they are not doing it to me personally)! Still, it's probably good thing I can't comment! lol BUT, there are a few that ARE really trying and are even on my friend list. I have heard their stories and there truly IS two sides to every one, and no I do not condone what they did, give them approval or high fives for it. I'm not here to play God, I'm here to help myself, gain knowledge and understanding...to become healthier so I don't repeat the bad choice I made. I think some of them are too. Cut a little slack. There's a place here for everyone. If it bothers you that much, just don't read it. Just my thoughts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It`s easy to say I`m sorry and I`m afraid it doesn`t mean they didn`t enjoy it at the time. I`m always interested in a cheaters point of view, if (s)he is intelligent and self-reflective. I don`t like reading rants, generalisations or accusations, from neither party. They are counter-productive and show that a person does not "get it", or even try to get it. That applies to the betrayed ones as well IMO. From the beginning I have always tried to see my H`s site of this. I don`t blame myself at all for his affair, but I can see how it can happen.
crazymoon5150
crazymoon5150
I have had private messages with somene on the other side of the fence I am not slamming them by no means, nothig is black and white, people fall out of love, move on , in abusive situations , ect.... but it's better to be honest with your spouse then sneak around behidn thier backs for almost a year or more, or even longer in some cases. that's what I don't get, your not happy your not happy, you don'tk now somenes situation until youve walked in thier shoes, in my case my H said he thought about leaving for a very long time, if he was that unhappy why didn't he, why did he do what he did it makes no sense, unless the ow refused to leave her H , I Don't know those are some of the posts I have read in teh cheaters site, that they stayed with thier spouses because the ow/om would not leave, what are they trying to decide wich is the better route what works out best for them, ...thats what I would like to go, why stay if your unhappy....
deleted_user
deleted_user
it is amazing how many cheaters on Cheaters anonymous seem numb to the pain they cause others -- or they will talk themselves blue in the face trying to justify it. However, there really are cheaters who experience true remorse - not for getting caught, but for what they did. I didn't get caught. I confessed. I take full responsibility for my horrible choice, and I am doing everything I can to regain my spouse's trust and respect. The name of this support group is infidelity. Though hearing from non-repentant cheaters in understandably infuriating, once AGAIN I say that not all cheaters are like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I totally get that they should leave. My h`s slut is also married. She won`t leave her hubby he has no clue and I can`t get in contact with him. All she wants is my H to be her fuck buddy when she wants him to be.

He may have been unhappy but so was I so I don`t condone cheating. There is absoulutely positive NO excuse for cheating. I didn`t mean to come off like I was trying to be mean or anythng and sorry if I did.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its hard to see the devastation that my actions have caused in my own relationship and reading everyone's stories here makes me cry. I dont want people to feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for what I've done and I realize that I have alot of problems, I want to get help and I want to make my marriage better. I love my husband and I regret feeling like there was nobody else I could talk to. The OP that i was involved with was posessive, and in my mind that just meant he cared more and in reality i cut off my friends, and I gave up my marriage for a feeling of belonging and being cared about. I did the most selfish, immature thing that anyone could do in my situation, and I dont know how to express the sadness I feel with words. I'm not articulate enough to explain it, I am just dying inside, and what I want most is for my husband to heal, I think I can handle the agony and the guilt, but for him to be better would mean the world to me after what I've done.
deleted_user
deleted_user
People cheat because they are selfish, period!
Some are also afraid of talking to their s/o about their problems, whether it be sexual or emotional issues... They had rather cheat than come clean about their feelings - whatever they are!
Some may try to talk to the people before the cheating but most do not!

Some people should not ever be friends with the opposite sex because it leads to emotional attachments...

I think the reasons people cheat start in their childhood and never get realized in adult life... They are still trying to find the love that they didn't have in childhood....

So I think it is more about the cheater, rather than the faithful in the relationship...
They can't life a life that is truly honest, but must lie about all kinds of things...
Lies never win in our lives but honesty always does...
deleted_user
deleted_user
My cheating husband had a big fight with his girlfriend and he says it is now over. He had the gall to ask me if I would take him back, I told him to try and resolve the problem with his girlfriend because he really loves her. I didn't tell him this but, all I want is a divorce because I will never trust him again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm surprised that any of them even go to a site called "cheaters anonymous". It means that they have to accept that they are cheaters in the first place. Maybe they should rename it "Misunderstood Spouses Anonymous". Having them give each other advice is like two blind men giving each other eye surgery.