Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Ok so last night we had a arguement over our relationship. She feels we are more like roomates than we are a couple. This is because we have not had sex in a couple months she says. That and she wants romance, and love and passion.
I will fully admidt that i am not a romantic person, and i have never been a touchey feely person. But being she has made comments in the past that those were traits that she liked in her ex who she had the A with, i have been trying to change myself to be more touchey feely for her.
I told her that from what i have read, that sexless marriages do have thier benefits. they force a couple to find other ways to communicate, and it creates a stronger bond between the couple. This is because they are forced to talk, and share emotionson a more frequent basis. ANd apparently it is recomended for couples where one person or the other struggles with intimacy issues, and can help over come them. And she told me i was just totally off my rocker.
Then i pointed out that she wants me to change the person who i am just so she can feel like she is not living a roomate situation, however she is insistant that i love her as she is, and that if i ask her to control her weight better and not keep adding to the 80 lbs she has put on in the last few years, and it would help that sexual attraction factor on my end, she makes a point to do the opposite.
And finally she asked me to at least care about things, like asking her how her day was when i get home, or if she had fun when she goes out with her friends, but on the other hand i am not to ask why she took a day off of work, it is none of my business.
I dont get it at all. I feel that i am the one that has to do all the changing to keep this relationship working, and i was not the one that had the A. I understand that i am partially at fault, and i should work on things, on my end, but i feel i am the only one doing it, and i am forced to accept her as she is.
I will fully admidt that i am not a romantic person, and i have never been a touchey feely person. But being she has made comments in the past that those were traits that she liked in her ex who she had the A with, i have been trying to change myself to be more touchey feely for her.
I told her that from what i have read, that sexless marriages do have thier benefits. they force a couple to find other ways to communicate, and it creates a stronger bond between the couple. This is because they are forced to talk, and share emotionson a more frequent basis. ANd apparently it is recomended for couples where one person or the other struggles with intimacy issues, and can help over come them. And she told me i was just totally off my rocker.
Then i pointed out that she wants me to change the person who i am just so she can feel like she is not living a roomate situation, however she is insistant that i love her as she is, and that if i ask her to control her weight better and not keep adding to the 80 lbs she has put on in the last few years, and it would help that sexual attraction factor on my end, she makes a point to do the opposite.
And finally she asked me to at least care about things, like asking her how her day was when i get home, or if she had fun when she goes out with her friends, but on the other hand i am not to ask why she took a day off of work, it is none of my business.
I dont get it at all. I feel that i am the one that has to do all the changing to keep this relationship working, and i was not the one that had the A. I understand that i am partially at fault, and i should work on things, on my end, but i feel i am the only one doing it, and i am forced to accept her as she is.
And i have tried to give her some intimacy and attention, but not only do i not get anything back, she thinks that i am finally appreciating her weight, and that just adds more fuel to her fire to keep on adding the pounds. IT really is a no win situation.
I do agree you can love someone but lose your physical attraction to them. I love her for who she is. I am not attracted to what she has done to herself.
Sounds like she might have a touch of the Princess Complex.
Is it really wrong to admit that certain body types are not attractive to certain people? Really, come on...let's just admit it. Some men like thier women bigger and more shapely. some men like thier women tinier, or go for a great ass, or great boobs, or a wonderful face...
Some women are attracted to a man of dark complexion, certain build, heavier set, medium build...dark eyes, lighter eyes...what have you...
What we are attracted to is what we are attracted to. I have no idea the exact REASON for this, but damn, it's just a reality.
We like what we like what we like.
That said, for a woman (or a man) to deliberatly sabatage their relationship by MAKING themselves unattractive to thier spouse is just So UNright.
You know, I have so many guy friends and they are out dating after divorces or whatever, and they meet a woman and say, 'she was heavier and I am just not attracted to that. I suppose you think I am a jerk, L.' I say, 'Not at all. If that is not what you are looking for, it's not. I would say, better to be honest with yourself about that than try to date someone and then hound them like crazy to CHANGE them to meet your attraction. If you can't accept them as they are, you have every right to pass.'
Now maybe I am off base here. Hope you all won't be mad as hell for me saying it. Here's my take on this whole thread...
Distance's wife had an affair with an old bf, knows how her H feels about her wieght issue, and is doing this on purpose to hurt him, along with blaming him for her actions, along with making herself unavailable to him. Sure, she SAYS she wants to work out this marriage, but her ACTIONS are so polar opposite of her words. Her ACTIONS are so saying, 'screw you...'
I say, WHAT THE HELL is up with that???!!!
mytwocents...L~
It sounds like she has found someone who loves and/or is attracted to her the way SHE IS. He (the AP), might prefer heavier women. also, SHE might like the way SHE looks. As previously mentioned, different strokes for different folks. I don't see anything wrong with individual preference and I definitly don't see anything wrong with loving oneself. I do have a real problem with the cheating.
I also want to just put it out there......
Sometimes (unfortunantly), there just comes a time in a couples life when it's just over. This may or may not be the case here. I'm not the one to make that call. Not every relationship can (or should) be saved. The MC should be able to help couples move towards a decision, one way or the other. It's difficult, sometimes we get 'comfortable' and hesitate to make necessary changes.
If you are physically 'turned off' by someone who likes themselves the way they are, you can't force them to change. I'm not even sure you have a right to expect them to change. However, everyone deserves respect. It sounds like this might be a case where mutual respect has broken down a bit.
Honest communication (not lip service), is always a good place to start. It might mean things don't turn out the way you expect. But, it might also mean a resolution and an end to conflict, at some point.
Sending strength and support.....
L~
L~