Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I had a very intense therapy session today and I'm still shaking inside. I asked my therapist last week if we could concentrate on my suicidal part. This was my sixth major suicide attempt and I'm afraid I won't survive another, since I came so very close to dyeing this time.
My first two suicide attempts were between 5 to 10 years old. My next two suicide attempts were between 10 to 13 years old and my fifth was at 16. This was my sixth.
Feeling helpless plays a major role in it. From ages 4 to 6, I couldn't walk. There were lots of doctor visits, both in Springfield and Boston Mass, then the hospital for six months then a wheelchair for nine months then crutches for nine months. After all that I really couldn't participate in any sports where I had to run.
I believe that's where my father became disgusted with me and started to criticize and belittle me all the time. It seems that he put me in situations where I couldn't help but be criticized because I physically couldn't do what was required of me. And he did this on purpose because he wanted to destroy any self esteem I had and he succeeded.
Previously I could talk about some of this and not feel anything, but today during therapy I really felt how horrible it really was. This was very deep and painful, but I know this needs to be confronted and I need to feel it to believe it's real. Today I felt it in my whole body and it left me shaking inside.
This will probably take me some time to process it, but I feel OK. It just feels real now.
My first two suicide attempts were between 5 to 10 years old. My next two suicide attempts were between 10 to 13 years old and my fifth was at 16. This was my sixth.
Feeling helpless plays a major role in it. From ages 4 to 6, I couldn't walk. There were lots of doctor visits, both in Springfield and Boston Mass, then the hospital for six months then a wheelchair for nine months then crutches for nine months. After all that I really couldn't participate in any sports where I had to run.
I believe that's where my father became disgusted with me and started to criticize and belittle me all the time. It seems that he put me in situations where I couldn't help but be criticized because I physically couldn't do what was required of me. And he did this on purpose because he wanted to destroy any self esteem I had and he succeeded.
Previously I could talk about some of this and not feel anything, but today during therapy I really felt how horrible it really was. This was very deep and painful, but I know this needs to be confronted and I need to feel it to believe it's real. Today I felt it in my whole body and it left me shaking inside.
This will probably take me some time to process it, but I feel OK. It just feels real now.
When does your nurse visit next - again, she could prove to be a great resource. I hope it is soon as you need a shoulder to lean on right now -
Please bear with it - darkness always precedes the dawn.....Will be thinking of you today. And please do take my advice to report your son and his wife - they need to pay you back ASAP.
All my best -
Refuse2quit
...I'm wondering if someone more trustworthy could be found to do the stuff you can't do for yourself?
I should have more money by Wednesday. Every time I talk to my son I get a different story and he gets very defensive. I guess I just can't trust him and that hurts.
I am glad that you have more money coming in soon. And I am sorry that so many things are going through your head at this time, but I think many of us have lived through such as you describe - it seems that something has really stirred up some memories that you are having to deal with now.
I also feel bad that your son has done this to you - when you raise someone, you really don't expect that they will take such advantage of you, but it happens more than you would guess. And again, I do hope you report him - and instead of looking at it as a totally negative thing, you may be helping him to learn some basic boundaries about the rights and property of others. This may keep him from stealing something from another person that gets him some really hard time in prison. As it is, usually Adult Protective Services will take into consideration that he is your child and they can give him some corrective education and a strong "warning" without necessarily "throwing the book" at him, unless he really does need such - your son needs to learn this basic form of respect for you and others, or else his behavior will really get him into trouble down the road. It is not such a horrible thing to report him, you are simply standing up for yourself and trying to get some money replaced - your son owns you that.
Just think about it - All my best!
Refuse2quit
rich
Just Another Survivor: Whole Again
I'm so sorry your son stole from you. It's awful that you can't rely on him. But there are others who truly care. So many have been through awful things and are living with disabilities. We stick together here and there are probably a lot of people in your local community that could provide support and care.
Best of luck to you.
Is there someone else you can ask to do this or can you set up standing orders so bills get paid even if you are in hospital?
My doctor received some of the labs I had yesterday. My blood count is so bad he tried to get me into out patient today for 2 pints of blood, but the best he could do is tommorow. I'll be at the hospital all day, then I will have to be on injections for the anemia. That's why I'm so tired that I don't get on here as often as I want to.