I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this, bonnie. These situations are never easy to navigate through.

I'm glad to hear this young man is getting counseling. Have you considered getting your daughter into some counseling? Do you think she need it?

I'm praying for you guys!

- StillInTheProcess1644

I think that since the offending person was a minor, no crime has been committed. So all you can do is see that it doesn't happen again and get the both of them some help in the form of counseling.

I'm sorry this happened to your child, it's not some insignificant thing. If it's not stopped, this kind of behavior can go on for years.

Hi bonnieboo11- I'm no legal expert, but I don't think that in the USA the 13 yr. old boy has committed a crime due to his age- and due to the difference between his age and your daughter's (4 yrs. difference). But I am very sorry this happened to your daughter, I'm sorry you're in such a painful situation, and I'm sorry that something horrible must have happened to the boy. Being curious about girls is different than sexual harassment. All children are naturally curious but harassment is learned.

Imo, pressing legal charges might not be a priority here. If you haven't already, you might consider getting combined counseling with you, your daughter, and a therapist. Children have an odd need to protect their parents (go figure)! And having a therapist present may allow your daughter to express the emotions that she's obviously holding back, without worrying about upsetting you.

Also, I think someone needs to pay attention to the 13 yr. old boy. He's crying out for help, and even admitted to his offense. It's good that he's getting therapy, but that's still after the fact. Is anyone looking at whom this child was... or still is being exposed to?

I agree with Richie D. If this behavior is not stopped, it can go on for years. Unfortunately, this behavior often goes on for years because there are very misplaced family loyalties.

These are my off-the-cuff thoughts, in hopes they may be of help :-)

Thank you all for the kind words. My daughter has actually been in counseling for 2 years for anxiety issues so I will be talking to her counselor about what happened. I am stuggling with this more and more everyday.my daughter told me that when this happened he wanted to put his hands down her pants but she yelled for his mother in an attempt to get him to stop and luckily he did and let her out of the room.I cant get the image of my daughter terrified, confused and desperate for any help. Where was I that day? Somewhere in the same house because I would have been visiting with his mom.I cry as I write this because I cant bear to think about it.I am a good mom, I don't let her wander the neighborhood,I get to know her friends parents, drive her to and from school and to think her cousin did this makes me sick.His father(who is now passed (suicide)) was alive at the time and he was always letting him watch things inappropriate for a child, his father treated women horribly and made sexual jokes all the time.The boy is now 15 years old and I wonder what else he has done. Thankfully they live 10 hours away now so I don't have to deal with him.As I said previously his mother and I are best friends and talk everyday,I know it is not her fault and over the years she has tried to bring him up right but would never stand up to his father,her husband.I have told myself that if she does not follow through with counseling I am done with them, He also has a younger brother(my daughters age) and neither of them got grief counseling when their father commited suicide.How do I get through this? Its strang my daughter says she has forgiven him and acts like nothing is wrong.Is that normal, they say kids are resilient but gee,she has not said a word about it since she told me.

I'm glad to hear your daughter is already in counseling, Bonnie. I think you have the right idea in letting her counselor know about what happened and letting him help you develop a plan for moving forward.

Hang in there. I'm continuing to pray for you and your daughter, and this other family. There's no doubt this revelation has caused a lot of hurt and grief to everyone involved.

The boy's dad treated women...very inappropriately...and the boy was 13, right...and then dad killed himself.
Kid ought to have been in therapy some time ago.
Dunno that the boy was abused, so much as he was acting the way he was shown how to act towards girls and women.

Bonnie, please to not beat yourself up. For one, it sounds like it happened really fast. For two? You did think your child was safe, you could relax. Third? And this part is important:

***Your daughter fought back by shouting for help***

You taught her she has a right to stand up for herself. You taught her she has a right to her own bodily integrity. You taught her she's important.
So you are doing some very important things right.

...I would NEVER shout for help as a child.

I agree the boy should have gotten counseling when his father passed. His father suffered from mental illness and refused meds and did not disclose everything to his therapist.He let his young son watch R rated movies and always spoke inappropriately in front of him like "Oh check out that girl's *****. I am very lucky I guess and when I asked my daughter why it took her so long to tell me she said she didn't know it was wrong because he was not a stranger, Ugggg.

Hmm...my two concerns
( as some random busybody on the 'net )
Are that your daughter maybe...I dunno, take some martial arts classes?
She could then give any would-be overly grabby people a free, somewhat painful, martial-arts lesson in the future?
(...I miss Kung Fu, I do...)

...the other concern is that the boy not get off easy-at all! with this kind of behavior.
He can probably be turned around now...but if he keeps on or escalates, he's going to jail.
It was not ok when his dad did it, either...it was abuse of a sort, because it was setting the kid up to fail in a very bad way.
...But I am not sure how to accomplish that latter?
He needs guys around who treat women with honor, not like objects. He is NOT going to get that with other teens. He needs a mentor.

... Not well-put.

Would like for your daughter to learn how to defend her self-integrity and improve on her self-confidence in various and sundry ways.

...she's got a start, methinks. :)

I appreciate everyones help and comments, I totally agree he is past due for counseling, I still talk to his mom and although when this all became known she said he had an appointment set up, she hasn't mentioned It since. I am wondering if he is going. They planned a trip up here to visit our kids grandparents but she had car problems and pushed it back to Aug. 1 and now I don't really think it is going to happen.If she does not follow through with counseling I am going to be hot! I guess because he is under age there is nothing I can do to insist, I am really not sure what to do, I don't think my daughter could handle a big thing though within the family, but then again I don't want to let it go.

Right now, being the mom that you are is very good. You did a wonderful job raising her! You also raised a young woman to know that what happened wasn't right, and to tell right away. Whether that 'right away' was a while later, or next day. she still told.
You need to praise her for doing the right thing, and let her know how much you love her and will help and back her up with what ever she wants! (As long as it's good and moral stuff in the future of course)
The therapist is only seeing her for a short period of time per week/month. You see/around her the rest. Being the the best you can be is all any kid wants.
By coming here asking questions shows you want to be that!
Give your daughter a hug, tell her you love her very much!

Good job mom!!

I think if she does not, he needs to be reported for his own sake? Again, opinion, and your obligation is to your kid.

Not necessarily to...well...do what his mom refuses to do and take steps to make sure he doesn't turn into a rapist...this is how a rapist starts, methinks? Getting away with less invasive sexual assaults enough that they treat it like a game.

Let her know you're there for her no matter what and she can always come to you. Don't force her to press charges against him. People try to force me to press charges and it just adds to my stress and anxiety. The court unfortunately wouldn't punish him much. I've known boys the same age who repeatedly raped multiple younger girls and were allowed freedom. He needs to learn now that it is completely unacceptable and what the consequences will be when he's older. I'm glad she's already in therapy. You could contact the therapist and tell her what you found out. It will help the therapist treat her.

I plan to tell her therapist, her next appointment is in about 2 weeks and everyday I try to call her but I cant make the words come out.I don't know how I am going to explain the details. As for pressing charges I will talk to my daughter and see what she wants to do. What are the therapists obligation if any? My daughter already has anxiety and panic disorder so a big fight within the family will probably be a bad thing for her. On the other hand I don't want her to think it is ok to do wrong and not be punished.As Christians I teach her to forgive but how do you explain to a child to forgive this, the unforgivable.Does anyone know what my rights are and how the process works if I do decide to report it? Or how I can find out? I appreciate everyones help and I also know most of you on here are survivours and this cant be easy, but know you are helping someone else and your suffering is not in vain.At first I was a little hesitant to come here because I know my story is not nearly as bad as some, but then I realized abuse is abuse, no matter what degree and everyone needs to speak up and end this.Thank you all so much for your understanding and help!!!!

I have a hard time speaking aloud about abuse and rape. I had to write it down. Maybe you can send her an e-mail or send a note with your daughter. It may be harder for her to forgive herself than to forgive him. I'm not sure about the reporting. I believe they're only required to report current abuse, but they may report past abuse, too. I'm not sure.