after HA, Lots of fear of death i say 99 percent gone.. NO CONTROL WHAT happens in next minute.. u cant project, as hard as it is, stay in the moment.. i have other emotions that i am working on, fear which means [f@@@] everything and run, i say move on fear, take a hike!

Hey Louie,


Interesting topic. Not one I think we have ever discussed candidly or forced out front as a study in mortality. For me and a few others who seem to remember somethings when we were actually being revived. I do not fear death at all. What I experienced post heart attack was an amazing calm and peace like I had never felt before. I felt a oneness and unity with all. I regained consciousness, knowing, that if I had passed on, it would be OK. I just remember thinking of the people I would leave behind, and then woke up to a 300 lb. nurse named Rita.

But with the journey I have been on in the past year I believe my mission here on earth wasn't finished yet and I was given more time to fullfil what ever that mission is. Not a grandiose feeling, more like a feeling that there is something I need to do. I don't quite know what it is, but my increasing faith dictates that I will know when I know.

So I guess some folks would fear dying because of the 'unknown' factor. Well all I know is that I want to be apart of where ever I was and I have no fear of the afterlife. Eternity is such a long time to put so much selfish emphasis on this life. That is not to take away from the gift of life that we have here and now. It doesn't mean thumbing my nose at today with the knowledge of a perfect tomorrow. It simply means that I can accept my mortality as inevitable, and live today to it's fullest, all-the-while giving thanks, humbly, to the greater order of things.

Good Post Louie,

Best Regards,

Just Joe

Hello LDF1,

I don't fear death, what I fear is becoming incapacitated, losing my choices and freedom and becoming a pain-in-the-a** for those who will take the time to put up with me.

One of the stories that I like to tell is a conversation I had with Minor7th. At the time we had this conversation I was extremely ill. I was losing weight and was vomiting daily. I was having a difficult time eating and was weak and exhausted. About 1 1/2 years into this problem, Minor7th came home from work and proceeded to ask me how I was and how my day went. With the pent up frustrations of having been sick for so long, I proceeded to tell him that he should take me to the back yard and put me out of my misery. I then ranted about how we (us humans) treat animals much better than we treat humans. If your animal was vomiting daily, was having problems eating and was that weak and exhausted, you would probably have put your dog down. I then proceeded to say that "I don't really have any infirmities. Think of what it will be like when I am 80, when I have infirmities and I really have something to bitch about. I am going to bitch, whine and complain. I am going to be so miserable that no one will be able to stand to be around me." At that point Minor7th smiled his best winning, loving smile and said "are you managing expectations?"

Great post.

Namaste,
Minor4th

Hi Louie,
This is a very thought-provoking post. Before my heart attack I wasn't as much afraid of death as I was afraid of being forgotten. I also feared what would happen to my grown son if he didn't have Mom to watch out for him. SInce my heart attack my son has matured and grown a lot, and I have a real peace that he will be okay after I pass away. As for being forgotten? Well, I've come to realize that it's not as important as I thought that the world remember me. One of my favorite Psalms says: "As for man, his days are like grass: As a flower of the field, so he flousishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting." I've gotten a lot of comfort in knowing that God will never forget me.

Pam

Having been to the edge and back a couple of times, I can say with certainty and without bravado that I am not afraid of death. Im a little more ambivalent about the dying process, but I can say that, past a certain point, the dying process is intensely discouraging but definitely not terrifying. I didnt reach the point that many people report where everything is sublime.

When I start having chest pains, I get very discouraged but not scared. The likelihood that I will eventually die of a heart attack is reassuring in a way, since I see it as vastly preferable to cancer or bovine spongiform encephalitis or radiation sickness or almost any of the other possibilities.

Hey all, thanks. Great replies!

I actually feel that what I'm afraid of is being out of control. While I was having all my symptoms there wasn't anything I could do to feel any better. Being an athlete almost my entire life I've learn to play or compensate through nagging injuries always. Having a HA is something I could not play through.

I must say I am getting better with this, only because I have placed my trust with God. It is His will what happens to me, He is in control.

And like you Joe, I believe that my job here is not quite finished.

Louie

Loui, gotta say if i go i want to go like i did the first time felt or knew nothing .But i do remember it was peaceful
john

Louie, it sounds like you pinpointed your real fear: being out of control. I realized not long after my HA that dying wasn't the thing that scared me the most. Because of that realization it's been easier for me to deal with my heart problems.

Again, thanks for an interesting post. I've really enjoyed reading everyone's answers.
Pam

Oh Louie, death is one of my favorite topics.

Sort of. I'm a bit death obessed, ever since 17 years ago when various important people in my life all died the same year. It made me feel like death can creep up any time! I'm not particularly afraid of my own death. I'm afraid of other people's deaths. At times I feel I have to brace myself for it. Sometimes, without really setting out to do it, I mentally rehearse losing people so it doesn't blindside me, etc.

To some extent, I AM afraid of my own death only because I don't believe my daughter is ready enough to live without me. She is more ready than she was 16 months ago, when I died briefly. But not ready enough yet.

But as others have said here, when I briefly died in Nov 2009, it was not an upsetting experience, actually peaceful. I do agree though, that certain types of death have pretty awful pre-death experiences attached to them, and I would be afraid of such suffering.

And I DO NOT WANT TO DIE until I'm in my 80's. I honestly feel that my body is suited to live until my 80's, other than the little fluke of the double-death heart attack at the age of 46! I have too much I want to do and experience. Good I want to accomplish, and good times I want to have. I love life, and I enjoy my days. So, in that respect, I am afraid to have to say goodbye to this life sooner than I'd like.

Thanks, Louie, for a good thought-provoking discussion post. I enjoyed reading people's responses.

My 88 year-old father-in-law who had a stroke about a year back, is living with my wife and me now. Every day for him is tough. Each moment is a new, difficult, often embarrassing challenge. I do not really want to arrive at the stage where my life outlives my desire to live, if you get my drift. On that note, I've been thinking that I'm not much terrified of death, I'm only daunted by the thought of lingering at an incapacitated stage during which I become a heavy burden to my loved ones. Even if they don't see it as such, I find it difficult to see myself accepting it.

The flip side of it is, we find it a privilege to care for a man who put so many years into caring for us, my wife in particular, so it's a two sided coin, however I myself just find it more scary to think of living to 90 than to shuffle off this mortal coil at my youthful age. : ) I've had a good ride of it, so from here on out it's all icing anyhow! (Icing is on my prohibited list, I guess)

hi Louie
Good question. It is not death that I fear but the fact that my life might go on and I have no control over living it. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and would rather go out on my own terms.
Rich the Elder

Ok i have to comment again. When my mom passed i remember she had cancer and was given 2 weeks to live. Well me and my brothers and sisters all stayed at her house for those two weeks. What i saw made mw wonder how a person could know you have two weeks to live and be so happy and never once shed a tear.So one night my brothers and sisters were in the living roomand i was with my mom and asked her what makes you so strong about this whole thing about dying she said my faith in the lord.
I told her how can you believe in something you cant see or prove im one of those persons that has to see it to believe it.
Now some time has passed since my mom passed away and that convercation always loomed in the back of my head.Now i cept telling myself im going to start going back ti church because i wanted to have the strength she had. I guess you could say their was a little dought in my thoughts but i kept trying.
Now i may have told maybe topps 5 people but when i had my MI i died twice and like joe said it was a peace that i could not explain but it was great but i kept thinking of my son not having his father at 14.Ok make a long story short i believe my mom showed me their is more after we go something better and where she got all her strength from.Igo to mass every sunday and sometimes morning mass if i can make it. Idont fear death i never did it was the unknown but now i dont fear that because i know first hand that their is more
john

John- thanks for writing that story. It's inspiring. Sue

Johnny,

I agree with Sue. What an uplifting and sweet story.Your mom left you quite a legacy, and I'm sure she's very proud of you.

Pam

Good stuff JohnnyF!