I wound never cheat, under any circumstances.

I'm with ashley on this ... cheating is not something I would do.

Sex is very important to me in my marriage. So is emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy etc. If my marriage ever deteriorates to the point that intimacy is no longer possible (not just sex, but intimacy in all it's forms), then it is time to get out of the marriage. But cheating would NEVER be an option.

It depends on what those problems were, Bob. And it depends on what my partner is doing about them.

Take my situation. My ex had physical, mental, and emotional issues that caused him to abstain from sex and even discourage me from masturbating.

I gave him two years where I helped him find solutions, as a partner. Suggested lifestyle changes, medication, therapy, doctors, etc etc etc. But he did not want to help himself. So I left.

So it depends on what issues your wife is having. If they are issues that are acute and traumatizing (i.e, being raped) it can take time for the acute symptoms of PTSD to subside enough for rational thought and therapy to be effective. With that, give it time.

If the issues are a lifestyle choice based addiction (alcoholic, drug addict, etc) then they have to make the decision to make a change and nothing you can do can change that.

If the issues are a prescription medication that is reducing her libido, she should go talk to her doctor about being put on a different med.

If the issues are a physical disability that makes sex painful, there is still emotional intimacy that she should be able to provide.

Can you elaborate at all on what is going on, Bob??

Thankyou anthem, that's kinda what I was looking for in an answer. She does not want to help herself, in a nutshell.

If she doesn't want to help herself, the kindest and most loving thing that you can do for both her and yourself is to leave.

1) Telling her exactly why you're leaving and what you hope she will do for herself someday will make her self reliant and she won't have anyone to fall back on when she falters. So she will be forced to stand on her own two feet and eventually start working on herself.

2) You deserve so much more than to be someone's crutch. You are a great person and being deprived of sexual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy is extremely selfish on her part. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

3) The relationships is unhealthy if it is not equal. And it is obviously not equal. This situation, as mine did, also teeters dangerously close to emotional and verbal abuse, depending on the specific circumstances.

You know I'm here for you Bob. I JUST did this. It took me a long time to realize it was the best thing for me. And it's still hard because he doesn't leave officially until tomorrow. But I promise you, it was the best choice I could've made. And I hope someday he will be a better person for it. I know that I already am.

nope. i would just just take care of things through masturbation. masturbation is not the end of the world. at the very most, i would talk to my husband about having an open marriage or if there was something we could do together that would leave me sexually satisfied. if not, i may consider divorce.

Never.


EVER.

Nope. Cheating isn't an optiion for me. Whether I left would depend on the circumstances as others have noted.

No!

I would re-evaluate my overall picture/marriage/situation if I had to before I would cheat.

Well LETS JUST SAY !
I have been in that situation. i was with my Ex for 18 years total and married 13. I never cheated and never would have. There were dry spells that lasted over 6 months because of various medical issues and mental health issues allong with medication issues.

Rosie and her 5 sisters were my besty friends at times, and i even had to get her drunk once in awhile by pooring a beer over her! I never cheated though!

Hi Bob....

sorry to hear about the wife not wanting help. I would suggest the open marriage thing or if it really is that bad to leave. Cheating will not get you anywhere cause if you find a woman that you like and you cheat with her she will not trust that you wont cheat ON her.

hiuggz Roxi

Having just experienced a revelation of infidelity, I can say that there's no way I'd do it.

Love should always come before gratification.

Cheating. No. Talking it out with her, yes. Talking to a therapist with or without her, yes.
Walking away without discussing every possible scenario, no.
Weighing out the pros and cons of life how it is vs what you would leave behind, yes.

And nananoonoo, you crack me up...

Oh and Bob, do what you think is right. Don't listen to us, we are just a bunch of kooks.

Or you could just flip a coin - heads I cheat, tails I don't.