Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I had a two and a half year on and off relationship with a very dear best friend of mine and lover. We both have pasts where we were seriously betrayed. The relationship between us is very intense. In the fall of last year we both saw other partners. We weren't in a committed relationship at this time but I relived and felt a lot of the same betrayal that happened with a previous partner. I'm assuming but I'm pretty sure she went through the same thing.
I love this woman a lot. I've seen her 3 times in the last week and although I've told myself no sex with her or anyone else for at least 6 months I just finished seeing her for a peaceful time in nature and I'm dreaming about her already. I feel closer to her now that ever before.
My intellect is telling me to go slow, be careful, look at the past at what happened, and be friends for awhile.
My heart is all over the place. We both feel peaceful in each others company. She told me that she feels safe and secure around me. It was great to see her. Upon coming home though I have been processing tons of emotion and images of sex.. I'm even starting to look at my own thoughts about sex, where the idea that "it's dirty" is coming from, etc.
My intuition is telling me that God doesn't make mistakes. If we share attraction for one another its for a reason. I see that this could be a really good thing and the catalyst to process a ton of emotion regarding betrayals from the past. It's scary. I don't want to be hurt by her again yet I want her in my life. I'm 45 years old and she is the best friend I've ever had.
Advice?
Have you been cheated on and then gone back to the same person that cheated on you? Talked it out, resolved the issue, and had a successful relationship as a result?
Thank you
I love this woman a lot. I've seen her 3 times in the last week and although I've told myself no sex with her or anyone else for at least 6 months I just finished seeing her for a peaceful time in nature and I'm dreaming about her already. I feel closer to her now that ever before.
My intellect is telling me to go slow, be careful, look at the past at what happened, and be friends for awhile.
My heart is all over the place. We both feel peaceful in each others company. She told me that she feels safe and secure around me. It was great to see her. Upon coming home though I have been processing tons of emotion and images of sex.. I'm even starting to look at my own thoughts about sex, where the idea that "it's dirty" is coming from, etc.
My intuition is telling me that God doesn't make mistakes. If we share attraction for one another its for a reason. I see that this could be a really good thing and the catalyst to process a ton of emotion regarding betrayals from the past. It's scary. I don't want to be hurt by her again yet I want her in my life. I'm 45 years old and she is the best friend I've ever had.
Advice?
Have you been cheated on and then gone back to the same person that cheated on you? Talked it out, resolved the issue, and had a successful relationship as a result?
Thank you
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If you want an exclusive, committed relationship with her, talk to her about what you want, see if she wants the same thing and go from there.
You can have a successful, healthy, strong relationship if you are both on the same page with what your relationship wants, needs, desires and expectations are. Those are things you both need to talk about and agree on.
As for being betrayed by a previous partner, don't compare one partner with another, they're two different people and it's not fair to a current partner for her/him to be judged due to someone in your past.
Leave the past where it belongs........in the past.
Analyze that "feeling of betrayal". Was it really "betrayal" if you were in and out of each other's lives, and both got lonely in each other's absence, so naturally sought the company of others?