I think most married people run out of time and energy. There are time my wife and I are just too tired after working all week, taking care of the kids and house, running errands.......you name it. I don't think it's because they don't want to have sex, it's that they are too run down to have it lol.

First of all, I think unconditional love is fantasy. IMO, there are conditions that come with loving someone and wanting to stay in a relationship with someone.

My story has been told many times here so to be brief, we'll be married 32 years next month, the first 27 years of marriage we had a great sex life, quality and quantity which stayed the same from the time we were dating and throughout all those years married.

When we started having other issues in our relationship is when our sex life started to slowly dwindle and we decided to split up after trying every avenue possible to fix our problems. Once we decided to split up but continue living together as friends/roommates until we're *legally* divorced, we also decided not to have sex with each other.

I believe the romance, the sex, it can all last a lifetime if both partners wants it to last a lifetime and if their feelings for each other don't change. I do believe feeings/emotions for each other can change (which was our case), we found we both changed due to many things throughout our years which in turn distanced us as husband/wife/lover but brought us closer together as friends and that in turn changed our relationship. Neither of us is willing to settle for a marriage of convenience or stay together just for the sake of staying together.

We have no regrets and the years we were together we'll always cherish, we'll always remain close friends but we also realize it's just time to move on.

When I was married sex did decline and when we really started having problems all but stopped. I'll admit she often tried to initiate but I was so caught up in juggling issues mentally that often I just wasn't interested. Not a good state.

I think.
It gets boring if both or one parties lets it get boring and thinks that fucking someone else will be more exciting, guess what? It won't. So it's about appeciating what you have and not what you think would be more exciting or new. New always gets old.

My hope is making a connection with someone who's on the same page as me and feels comfortable negotiating this. I don't believe in unconditional love, that's just not humanly possible. I do think that if people don't deal with their stuff (aka conditions) it's the not dealing that bleeds into other things.

It appears that there is a somewhat natural tendency to get less and less sexually into someone over time. Of course there are exceptions but in general, the desire for sexual intimacy tends to fall off.

This appears to be a somewhat natural phenomenon that tends to make one less likely to be incestuous. Your brain tends, over time, to confuse your long term lover with a closely related family member and you become less inclined to have sex with them.

Humans appear to have evolved to participate in mate sharing and group sex. There is an argument to be made, although I am uncomfortable with it, that we are inherently not monogamous and living monogamously leads to a somewhat inevitable decline in sexual interest in one's partner.

Great book called "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality" that shakes a lot of conventional thinking to its core.

Never been married, but tried to make it work with someone. She was never really that hot for me to begin with (Jesus, I'm not THAT hideous--I think she's really into money and empire building more than sex), but I was enamored with her very quickly, and got attached and clingy, then decided that wasn't going to get me anywhere, so decided to play it cool and aloof, only to find THAT didn't get me anywhere, so now I'm just trying to strike a balance, just within myself, that is somewhere in between the two extremes, and, if she or someone else wants in for the ride, great.

Yeah, I think the heat and hormones cool over time, and husbands and wives do indeed stay together for convenience, finances, etc., and become "roomates". "Unconditional love" seems to be a bond between all of us and God. It quickly disappears, even between parents and children, after we pass the cutesy toddler phase, and "unconditional love" seems to take a back seat to "clean your room, do your homework...your father and I are working really hard to raise you; the least you can do is help out around here".

It would help to down-size material dreams, but, when kids come along (which tends to be a result from sex), forget it; both people have to work two jobs, as others said, be taxi service for the kids, run errands, etc., etc., etc. In short, it's not that people don't want to continue to have sex, like wild, mad rabbits, like they used to, they're just simply too tired.

Then, when the kids finally leave home, parents experience "empty nest" syndrome, and have to try and remember why they like each other. My mom and dad still love each other, but both their sex drives, in their mid-sixties, have tanked, and now their "sex" is gnattering away at each other, picking on each other for the stupidest things. The both snore loudly, so they've been sleeping in separate bedrooms for probably the last 10 years.

Sorry, wish I could paint a more positive, rosier picture here.

Suppose people, especially people who have kids, not to mention busy careers, have to hire a babysitter and make "date nights". Also, periodic breaks help. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, familiarity breeds contempt. When you've been in the same house with someone for years, you're lucky if you can stand to look at each other, much less have sex with each other. Maybe it varies from couple to couple, but, for me, I've found that, when I've been away from someone a week or so, I miss her terribly, and, when I see her again, all the amorous feelings and sexual desire come flooding back (!), and I'm sure whatever she feels for me is similar.

Also, as Mobi said, so eloquently, yep, I think once a woman becomes a bride, she considers herself "more respectable", "conservative", etc. Something about the image of her in the virginal chastity of that white dress, the ring on the finger, I think, naturally kinda supprersses her "inner whore".

Ladies, please feel free to agree to disagree.

I have to disagree with you on that one Kool. Not according to me, my sex life and other women I know in real life.

I don't know why marriage, wedding ring, white dress would "naturally" suppress a woman's sexuality if how she was before marriage was her true sexuality and not a sexual act she was just putting on.

If it's true for some women, I wouldn't say it's natural at all, I would say it's some sort of *good girl* sexual hang-up she has about marriage and sex which I think would be sad.

Even when I became a mother, I didn't become more conservative and I didn't suppress my inner whore at all. I've always been and always will be a lady in public and a slut in the bedroom. ;o)

What he got with me before marriage, he got with me after marriage which only grew to involve more and more and more as the years went on. Which by the way, I initiated most all the different things and kinks we got into. He didn't have much of an imagination, my imagination was always way out there but he would get excited and be game for almost everything I wanted to try. There were a few things he'd give me the "are you fucking out of your mind?" look. Can't fault a girl for trying. *shrugging shoulders*

Chocolate cake & sand!
Slumber & a hammer drill!
Theater & a crying baby!

As has been discussed many times,- It isn't how often but rather "Is it enough to satisfy you?" If it isn't, NEGOTIATE! TALK!

Tell your partner you need more. Ask what change would pave the way for more? It might be as simple as maid service!

Would you pay $75 every 2 weeks for a cleaning crew of 3 to spend 2 hours cleaning your house if your wife promised to spend the 6 hours you just freed up making love to you? That's almost 30 minutes a day - with Sundays off!! Even if you only get 30 minutes every other day, it's still a steal.

Take the deal! But if the nookie stream dries up. Cancel the maid service.

It's hell when your sex drive is high and your partner's sex drive is low. Sex is not like ice cream. If you like it and she doesn't.... You can get ice cream everywhere and she won't care. But not sex... no sireee-bob!

I don't get the whole "I don't want to have sex with you AND you better not not want to have sex either" mindset.

I mean ... She gives away stuff she doesn't want to charity all the time, right?

ooops- just realized I've been talking to my self 'bout myself for a while now.

You're a rare woman, leather, and any man would be proud to be involved with you. I don't hear other ladies chiming in saying they are the same way. How's that long-distance relationship going?

I really don't think I'm that rare Kool. The majority of my friends and female family members never suppressed their sexuality after marriage or became more conservative. If anything, they opened up more and became more aware and comfortable with their sexuality. Maybe it's just the horny friends I keep. ;o) Honestly, the only women I've heard of that became like that were women who were not happy in their marriages or ended up in an emotionally, verbally or physically abusive marriage.

My LDR is going very well, thank you for asking. Not living together permanently is hell for both of us but we deal with it and that will be changing.

Well, that's great. I can only hope to meet someone as cool as you in sunny South Florida.

I don't know Kool, maybe it's us northern women. I can't think of a better way to keep warm than good ole' body heat. ;o)

Thankyou everyone for sharing. Experience is a great teacher.