The same reason why men use it to control their girlfriend/wife/acquaintance/stranger.

Precisely!

Basically, someone does this because they can. Their psyche gets something out of it and their partner is for one reason or another in a position to go along with it.

No, Satcom. They do it because they are abusers.

@The Anthem..so True. Sex is power and power is as addictive as a drug,

Fuck that.

Sex is a amazing experience between two people. It's about equality between two people.

Sex is NOT power.

And power is addicting only if you are addicted to using others.

G'day Anthem,

I think you are absolutely correct in an ideal world, but there are those who use their sex to control and abuse.

just my thoughts.

Yes woman or a man could do this but if your partner did this when you did something she or he didn't like what would you all do

"First--and I cannot emphasize this enough--rape is not about forcing someone to have sex. It is not sexual at all, in fact. This may sound like a startling and bizarre thing to say, so hear me out.
Although rape usually happens when a womans body is violated in what we consider a sexual way, even rapists themselves tell us that their actions werent about being aroused, attracted, turned on, or horny beyond control. Rather, it is a crime of violence in which the goal is to take power, not sex, from the person. Sex is the method used to take power and control; sex is not the goal of the control.

Men who rape dont rape to get sex. They use sex to get power.
Think of it this way: when someone mugs a person at gunpoint, the goal of the crime is to take something valuable from the victim, usually money. It is not about fulfilling a muggers desire to point and use a gun. The gun (and the threat) is the method used to take something else from the victim, and rapists use sex as their weapon in order to take power and control."

http://www.resurrectionafterrape.org/media/MensGuide.pdf

Very well said Anthem! If more people understood what rape is, I believe more victims would report it without the fear of having blame placed on them.

I agree with Anthem, it's not just *some* women that use sex to control their partner, some men do it also and it is abuse.

@ Mysteryman: I agree with Anthem, some "people" use sex to control their partner not some women, there are some men that do it also.

I hope you don't feel all women use sex in a way to control their partner. I've never done it and never will. I never refused to have sex with my partner as a way to punish him and I've never had sex with him as some kind of reward.

IMO, someone who would do it is extremely selfish, an emotional abuser and has control issues. I've never been in a situation where a partner used sex to control me but if I was with someone who did it, there's no doubt in my mind I would leave him. I will not tolerate someone trying to control me in any way and I will not tolerate someone trying to manipulate me.

Is there a difference between control and rape? Do some people do one but not the other? Can a lack of sex be somewhat controlling?

Just sayin!

Let's go back to start...men who use sex as a means of control are criminals, and rightly so. Women who use sex as a means of control are what???

While no where near as traumatic as rape, when a wife witholds sex for an extended period of time it starts to impact the man's psyche,(did i do something wrong, is she cheating, does she not love me, etc) they become beholden to the woman, who is now in control and in a position of power. Sure the man could elsewhere, but then it's cheating...which carries it's own set of issues.

Is it the norm? I hope not. I do know plenty of married guys whose wives withold sex, some who have gone over six months becasue she doesn't think it's important...stay or go he loses.

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I was not talking about rape. Men, or women for that matter, who commit this putrid crime should be put down in my opinion.

RJL25,

I here you mate. This is exactly what my ex-wife did to me for bloody years! The longest spell of rejections was over 8 months. It is definately emotional abuse and I would go much further than that. I would call it cowardice - in much the same way that a bully uses his strength and/or size to intimidate, and control someone else.

The females of the species who employ the tactic of withholding sex, definately use it as a weapon in much the same way as a bully uses his or her size. They also rely on the fact that because they are women, that any man worth his salt will not use violence against them.

Now men withholding sex is something completely foriegn to me. I guess there are some men who do this but I just can't for the life of me understand it.