Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Why do some women use sex to control there boyfriend or husband.
it crosses the line when two people let it. if a man is being controlled by sex, it's because he is letting her do it. and because the women is letting the power get to her head.
but it's not just women. men control women with sex and other things as well. people control people with anything. it's human nature.
Leather and Bob are the only ones on the right path here.
Maybe I will come back to this later.
It could be something they can work through, it could be something that can't be worked through but until everything is laid out on the table and good open, honest communication takes place, you'll never know if there's a solution to whatever problem(s) there are.
If things can't be worked through whether it's sexual, non-sexual or both, if one or both partners are no longer happy in the relationship then why stay together.
Short background, married 21 years, 4 kids...great sex life for 19 years. What changed? Her past caught up to her. A past that includes: Broken jaw and raped at 16, suicide attempt at 17, parents who didn't pursue charges in th rape or counseling , date raped at 19, alcoholic father, lived in fear of men... and the list goes on...
Two years ago it all bubbles out...Alcohol problems start, has an affair and attempts suicide by OD. Stops drinking, starts counseling, stops drinikng, fights counselors...has another affair 6 months later...husbands stands by her.
If i had run screaming from this marriage I wouldn't be so easily offended by some of the conclusions drawn, but I didn't. I invested alot of time, patience and energy into accepting my wife and her actions.
The part I'm losing patience with is sex, intimacy and the timing...why does it start 5-6 months after the shit hits the fan. She is so afraid of letting go of control ( her words) that she witholds sex, physical contact, kisses, loving words...so yeah sex is control for her not out of spite but out of fear. It's selfish and borders on abusive.
No one can change the past but they can choose to deal with it and heal from it in a healthy way, stop allowing themselves to continue being the victim, stop living in fear and make the choice to become a survivor.
It's not easy going through the healing process, facing the demons and the fears in our mind, spilling the gory details out to a therapist, dealing with nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, it's a very difficult road but it can be done if she really wants to become emotionally healthy again and be a survivor instead of a victim.
I've been there, Anthem has been there and quite a few others on the board have been there. We don't have super powers that made us overcome the rapes, abuse and traumas we've lived through, we are every day average people who made the choice to deal with our past, heal from it so we can lead an emotionally healthy life, be the sexual beings we are, have a healthy sex life and no longer allow the past to control us.