Hello Dear, you are pretty young to feel that way. Look into yourself to see what you can do for you and don't put the expectations that a guy is going to make you happy. I think you have a self confidence matter to deal with before you get in a relationship. Go to counseling to learn to love yourself and you will see how that alone will change the turn on your relationships. Before you know you will be with a wonderful guy...trust me on this!!

Prayers your way!!

i agree with susan. You are very young to be feeling that way but i can understand how you do...you are at the age where your friends are beginning to get married start families etc.
Counseling is excellent idea to find out why you feel how you do and then find the tools to help you find the right guy for you. You have lots of time...though i hear how you feel left behind. It tends to show up at strangest times! good luck

i'm 41. and i still dont know what love is. and i'm married. lol!

hang in there - you're young!!!! trust me! don't give up - i met my husband (though now i know he is wrong for me) when i was 27.

sounds more like self esteem and yes couselling or even just finding fun in your friendships and focusing on other things that lift your spirits can help. you never know when the right guy will come along and at 25 you still have a long way. :)

I totally feel like giving up because I feel that none of this is ever going to happen to me, I don't know why but I just feel it.. I am not like everyone else or most of them, these things never happen to me .. I am at a point I would accept just anyone so I don't end up "forever alone" like my brothers call me, but since it never happens, I will just give up..

My advice is to figure out what control you have over this. A counselor or therapist can help you.

What is going on inside you that causes you to be attracted to unavailable men?

People tend to stay where they are, but you can change your portion of it, and steer yourself towards healthier men that will love you back.

Good luck!

I agree with what everybody else has said.
I also think it would be a mistake to "settle" just so you're not alone. I've done that and it never works. You'll still be unhappy.
It took me 40 years to find my soulmate. He was well worth the wait!
Try to occupy yourself with other things. If you quit putting all of your energy into finding a partner and only focus on the fact that you're alone, you're always going to be miserable.
Once you quit looking so hard for love, it will find its way to you.

I agree with hockey - do NOT settle! I repeat do not settle! I am speaking from experience unfortunately in a way. It is better to be alone than to settle. Even though I'm 41 and still have not found the one for me (or one of them - some say there is more than one) and even though I do feel jealous of others who found their soulmates and I feel that I will never find mine...deep down I believe he is out there. I hope - have to keep the hope! Don't be down on yourself please! I know you feel hopeless but again you are young. Very young. You have a lot of time. He's out there. If you really want to find him you will. Even when you're not looking. (As that annoying saying goes. Ha!)
But first you do need to feel better about yourself so that you won't even care as much about finding him. It may be hard (I'm still trying for myself) but it has to be done.
And don't listen to your brothers - listen to yourself.... You will find him.

And hey look at these other ones as practice! Practice makes perfect! ;)

Oh my hell! Soul mates? Who the hell believes that there is that ONE unique soul in the world that is destined to be your mate? That is complete Hollywood tripe! You make your own "soul mate" by the way you live your life. You be the absolute best person you can be - for yourself, for your partner, for your family, etc.. If you are unhappy in your marriage because you believe that you have a soul mate out there somewhere then you are in for a rude awakening.

Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition. If you are only giving 50% of yourself to your marriage then you are short changing yourself AND your spouse. It is not always possible to give 100% of yourself all the time for various reasons. But you should strive to do so.

If you are unhappy in your marriage then stop the suffering by either working to make things better in your marriage, or by divorcing, moving on, and being happy away from being married to the person that is the cause of your unhappiness.

As far as being single and giving up at the ripe old age of 25 ... ah, to be young. I didn't get married until I was 26. I fell in love and started a family. We had 3 children and established a life when she decided she didn't want to be married to me anymore. I still loved her and it hurt like hell going through the divorce but I realize now that it was for the best. I never thought I would be able to love again or find anyone that loved me. I am now remarried and love my wife as deeply as I could have ever imagined. She loves me and we are well on our way to establishing a great life together. Has it been smooth the whole time? Hell no. It has been an incredible struggle at times. But I am committed to her and have worked through the difficult times. Do I believe that my wife is my "soul mate". No, not by the traditional definition of being that "one" unique soul that is destined ... blah, blah, blah.. Do I believe that we are compatible and that our "souls" have connected on a spiritual level? Yes I do. But that is due to work and commitment .... not some mystical, pre-ordained meeting.

My advice for the OP on this is to be the best person you can be. Be comfortable with who you are and confident in what you want. Be the type of person you want to be with, Confidence is very attractive and once you have that you will find that it will be easier to find people that will love you for who you are. Learn to see red flags early. Avoid people that use you to get something they want. Move forward at the pace YOU are comfortable with. I recommend reading the book, "The Four Agreements", by Don Miguel Ruiz. It helped me. Good luck.

Bigguy I assume u r addressing me with the marriage. Fyi - I am planning on getting a divorce. But this thread is not about me.

I think I felt like you. I was always shy and maybe a late bloomer. By the time I was in my late twenties I had only been in 2 serious relationships of note.

I dated alot, mostly through online dating websites. Eventually a blind date "worked". Well, we are getting divorced, but at the time she was the best that had come around in a long time, so I guess I settled, despite red flags warning of drug abuse and sexual permiscuousness. She told me she had grown out of that stuff, even though she would brag about it? She also turned out to be more at home in a bar than in the kitchen. Not exactly my idea of how to raise a family.

Whatever you do, don't get down on it. Just keep trying to meet new people. And for heaven's sake do not get desperate and "settle" because you will end up disappointed and it will either be a painful life or the relationship will end.

Oh my goodness, Chris, you are way too young to feel this hopeless. 25 is soooooo young! I've heard there is something called a "quarter life crisis' sort of like a midlife crisis, that happens at that age. We're no longer optimistic young things, we've had disappointments and now we're looking at the rest of our lives and expecting more disappointments. But you are not over the hill by a long shot and you will meet new people when you least expect it.

Also, I would try to examine your reasoning- you say someone dumped you when they 'got what they wanted'- four whole years is not getting humped and dumped. That is a really cynical dismissal; obviously it didn't work out, but lots of relationships fail and end. If he played you for your virginity, he sure took a hell of a long time. Something didn't work with this one, but it doesn't mean you are unloveable, undesirable and that everyone is out to use you. If you do feel you attract users (boy do I know that feeling) maybe you can ask your friends or a therapist if they feel you are unconsciously allowing or attracting those types. If you have a sense of yourself that you have to take what you can get and have a low self-esteem, users will find that and work that. If that's the case, work on feeling good about yourself.

When I think about some guys who dumped me and I was originally hurt, I look back and think "damn, they did me a favor". Because they were not LTR material for me. My parents met at 16 and had a 25 year marriage and boy were they mismatched. A long relationship is not necessarily a good one, and we have to grow before we find out who we are.

Also I'm assuming if you were a virgin at 21, you are just inexperienced, but that will change with time.

And I'm not sure I'd compare myself with a hot'n'heavy 15 year old- they don't have all the answers either. Promiscuity isn't always the path to happiness, either.

Oh I think you missunderstood things here.. I know the guy for 4 years but online .. we only saw each other in real life twice.. and on the second time is when we had sex.. during these 4 years there were periods in when we didnt talk to months cause he would forget I exist and then he would email me again for a few months until he would vanish.. this time he invited me to travel to his country I did and it happened.. I was still 24... i was virgin until 24.. and then i came back to my country, we talked for a few weeks and then he dumped me..

I know I did a mistake.. and I recognize I kinda agreed to do this because I was so tired of being a virgin I wanted to get it done.. but now I feel bad about myself for doing it .. and I feel like all guys are just gonna be like this with me now...

It's a kind of pressure and feeling I cannot explain - I feel like I will never find someone who loves me (I honestly dont believe guys love anyone but themselves-sorry just being honest) ..

Ok; now I can see your position. However, that is not a usual dating situation, and it sounds like you were very vulnerable. I wouldn't blame yourself for sleeping with him; it's understandable, it's human to want to sleep with people you desire. It's also human to want to 'get it over with' regarding virginity.

This experience does not have to define you or your future, but if possible, if there's anything you can learn from it, try to find that useful bit and move on. Also a first sexual experience (at least for me) is not necessarily the best, since by definition, we lack experience. When you become more relaxed and experienced, I think sexual intimacy may come easier to you and you may find yourself more connected to the person once you find someone you can trust.

Online dating isn't really dating, in my opinion. You don't really know the actual person; people can easily misrepresent themselves online. In person, it's harder to do and I think you'll be able to read guys better in that setting. Then you'll be more tuned into what he's really looking for (by his expressions, body language, tone of voice--- all of this is missing from online chats. So of course it would be easy to misread him.)

I read somewhere that statistically men handle breakups worse than women do, so that actually runs counter to the stereotype of 'they only want one thing'.

I'm also wondering if you are more introverted and need to find an introverted kind of guy, or one who is shyer or more old-fashioned like you. Meetups.com is a great site for people with common interests to join groups and do things together. So if you are bookish, or religious, or whatever kind of person you are, you can find similar personalities there.

College guys can be sort of on the make, just posing to get laid, IMHO. As people get older, they usually are clearer about what they're really about and what they're looking for.

Keep looking, you'll find it. 25 is very young.

Also, like my mom says "do practice dating". Which sounds weird, but even if you're not head over heels with them, go out with people to develop dating skills. Plus you never know, maybe that seemingly unappealing guy could be the love of your life!