Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Where Can I Find A Partner?

Daniel2020
Daniel2020

Hi, my name is Daniel.   I'm new here.  I'm gay, and nearing my 50s, and am desperately lonely.   I have never been in love, and feel like it will never happen.  I really don't know where to meet a potential match.   I don't go to bars or clubs, because I can't drink and I have a profound, though not complete, hearing loss.  I am a painfully shy person who has struggled to make friends.  I have a lot to offer--all the more so because I have never gotten to offer it.  But I don't know where to look.  The only place I know to look is on the online dating sites.   But my results there so far this year have varied from non-existent to disastrous.  If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to offer them.  Thank you in advance. 

weezer2020
weezer2020
Word of advice - never look for love when you feel desperately lonely. I have made many mistakes in desperation.

While I feel lonely too I would rather have a supportive partner than any old person for the sake of being with someone
mlr0853
mlr0853
I haven't been in a relationship for 20 years while being a single mother..I .live alone .like weezer I'd stay away from a toxic relationship to avoid being lonely
rmb
rmb
Do live in or near a community that has a decent LGBTQ presence? Maybe start with just joining some social groups, or volunteer etc, for stuff that is more LGBTQ focused. Start with just trying to make a few friendships first. That might help expand your social network so that you meet more people or others can introduce you to more people.
cottontail
cottontail
I would agree, joining dating sites when lonely is probably not a good idea. if you have time could you do some volunteering in LGBT scene. Is there a helpline where you could volunteer or group you could attend ?
Look for friends not a partner, and the right one will come along.
Being with the wrong one can be even more lonely.
you have a lot to offer, good luck
Daniel2020
Daniel2020
Thank you all, I really appreciate your kind suggestions. You're absolutely right that it is far better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. I do need to find more time to volunteer and to find someplace where I can serve. I am somewhat afraid of people, but I also know that I need to get over that if I am to have a peaceful and joyous life. Thank you all so much for sharing. :)
rmb
rmb
Just keep trying, small steps, you know?
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Daniel...… We do have a Loneliness board on here for friendship and there are MeetUp's for all kinds of things....I would google MeetUp's in your area.... They can be from coffee and conversation to bowling, dances etc and I'm sure there are MeetUp's for the Gay Community...….

I was wondering from what you're writing if you also struggle with Anxiety..... We also have an Anxiety board on here and it's good..... Big hug

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/loneliness

https://www.meetup.com/topics/gay-men/
Daniel2020
Daniel2020
Thanks so much, SunCloudJD! You've got some great ideas. Yes, I do struggle with loneliness, depression, and anxiety. I've been able to finally gain control over the last two in recent years. But that loneliness is all-consuming. I really appreciate your kindness. Thanks so much!
urbangardener
urbangardener
With your profound hearing loss, do you use ASL? If yes, do you participate in groups for the hearing impaired in your community? (I go to a church that has both a large LGBT and also a hearing impaired community). I think working on ourselves is the place to start when we want change. Maybe we need help from a good counselor or a good book. I have to push myself to make social efforts. I also have to stop myself from talking too much or coming across as needy. If we want to be in connection with others, which is how our brain is wired to be in connection, then we have to make that happen for ourselves. Hugs to you.
koolman
koolman
Bookstores! Reading will give you a good obsession to take your mind off being lonely. Fiction is especially great, because it transports you into OTHER characters. Maybe there's an LGBT book section. Shop there. Who knows who will come up next to you-!
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