Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So we finally ended up having the "exclusive" talk yesterday. He actually brought it up by asking something like, "so where are we?" which at first seemed like a good sign. He said he's not used to having such a strong connection with someone, both physically and mentally, that I'm everything he's been looking for. I told him I feel exactly the same way, which is why I haven't wanted to date anyone else since we met. Then the whole thing kind of shifted. I think he caught a whiff of commitment in my words and got alarmed. He talked for quite awhile about past relationships (he got out of 7 year relationship about a year ago and has only really been dating for 6 months), basically to make the point that no, he does not want to be exclusive. He wants to keep dating other people. He wants me to keep dating other people. Yet he only wants to sleep with me, and he really wants to "see where this goes."
I was left with several questions after the conversation ended. First of all, why date other people if you claim I'm everything you've been looking for? Especially if you will not be pursuing sex with them? Second, is it worth hanging in there for a guy who may well never commit? I feel like an idiot now for saying the things I did, but I feel like he set me up to do so.
I was left with several questions after the conversation ended. First of all, why date other people if you claim I'm everything you've been looking for? Especially if you will not be pursuing sex with them? Second, is it worth hanging in there for a guy who may well never commit? I feel like an idiot now for saying the things I did, but I feel like he set me up to do so.
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Nationalday.com proclaims September 28th as Self Aware Day. I took a few snaps of various core values lists and tried to pick my top five core values (kinda hard to only pick 5). But here are my top picks. Feel free to list a few of yours too:GodLovePeaceStability Compassion
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Now that I am not talking to my whatever best friend, I realized that her life is full of drama. I had grown tired of hearing her stories about her boyfriend many months ago. She basically had been monopolizing conversations for that long too. She pretty much stopped asking me questions about me. I passed her in front of her classroom the other day and didn't even look at her. I am...
We all have the right to ask for the deal we want... I just thought it wasn't the best "deal" for her
I thought she would be a very "accommodating" person if she agreed to the deal
The OP sort of back peddled a bit don't you think?
In the first post she definitely typed.. " He wants to keep dating others"
Now she saying..."Oh, he didn't mean DATING" he meant he wants to keep his opposite sex friends.. yeah... that's what he meant"
So I don't know, If the OP is happy, it's all good!
I've never been in a relationship that had cheating. Also never had issues with my ex having female friends or even spending nights.
I guess I just always figured that if you wanted to cheat, you'd cheat; and if you were faithful, you'd be faithful...
Shasta, I just think sometimes there is this automatic assumption and a prevailing sense in general that if someone is confused or conflicted about their relationship, then it must be because they're with a jerk, or they're being played, or whoever they are with must have some kind of personality disorder (seen that thrown around quite a bit on some threads and I'm not sure it's fair to label people like that) and I think, sheesh, can we just be objective for a second and like you said, press for more info, ask questions, before deciding who people are and what their motivations are.
I'm not criticizing anyone; I slip into doing it too sometimes. It's something I've noticed and I've been trying to remind myself that usually people and their situations are rarely so black and white.
" been dating for 6 months), basically to make the point that no, he does not want to be exclusive. He wants to keep dating other people. He wants me to keep dating other people. Yet he only wants to sleep with me, and he really wants to "see where this goes." "
I think the guy realized what he said and that she probably will not tolerate it , turned around and decided to do the right thing,so good
For him.
BUT... you have to admit that saying to a person you are being intimate with... " yeah, I would like to continue having sex with you, but I am going to keep shopping around" is usually considered cray cray in our society.
If you can honestly say that it wouldn't hurt to hear that, and I'm not saying putting your cards on the table is a horrible thing, but COME ON.. She had just finished telling him that she was REALLY into him and to continue on and listen to her say she is ready to be exclusive and THEN to say that?
So none of us ( The People) called him an outright "JERK" but he isn't going to win any sensitivity awards
I get that you like to take the " I'm so cool and progressive" stance in your responses here at daily strength, and I'm sure you are...Maybe your feelings don't get hurt as much as us average Joes...
Like Aronia, I'm glad he has decided to do the RIGHT thing, cause if you are having sex with a person who has DECLARED they want to be exclusive... and you still want to shop around. set them free. It's the honorable thing to do. Even if they are weak and have no pride and you could easily exploit them. It's not a cool thing.
This post has triggered a childhood flashback for me!
Does anyone remember the tv show the "Brady Bunch"??
The episode where Greg was trying to turn off a girl who was in love with him.
He told her.. "ok, I am going to date anyone I want.. but you have to date only me" ... She then looked at him all dreamy eyed and said. 'Ok, Greg" ha ha .. He hadn't banked on her saying that. He assumed she would be angry and break up with him.. Not sure if
I'm going to try to see if I can find it on the net!
Really? Why play the snarky card? And why make a passive aggressive remark?
I'm one person with my own point of view and if it doesn't align with what everyone else thinks, that's ok. I certainly don't agree with everyone all the time but find that's what makes for good discussion and helps us think about things differently. What, are you in high school?
I'm not cool at all and as far as being progressive, if you mean trying to not lead with my emotions, hey progressive it is. I'm not better than anyone for that, just different.
And to answer your question, after dating someone for a month, no I'd not be hurt by what this guy said. I'd be disappointed for sure but not hurt. And I'd be relieved that we had the conversation before I became too invested.
If you truly think everyone is entitled to their opinion, why did you post reply # 28?
OTM took the subservient role in her hasty admission that
she went there... allowing you to be the dominant.. "don't worry, it's par for the course.
I took the role of the challenger. Because I think.. " who is rmb to point out what we should and shouldn't do?
I hold in my memory a couple of your past posts in which you typed.. " That is not really the point of this thread" about the point I DID think was relevant. So that coupled with this thread is what inspired me.
It is what it is.. I think you are a great addition to this message board, but when I see someone playing "boss".. or commenting on the actions of others, I love to see if they can "take it" as well as dish It out.. I'm a stinker like that! ha ha
So yeah.. that's pretty much it.
I think I have given you kudos when I am feeling what you type is spot on... I will continue to do that too..
Rock on girl... rock on!
And it IS par for the course that many people here make tons of assertions and assumptions about people, based on limited information or their own hang ups. I find I do it myself. That's not an untrue statement. So maybe that was my challenge to the group.
So, challenge away, ShastSue, and I'll continue to do the same. I don't post here for anyone's approval.
And my apologies the original poster for this getting a bit off topic.
I often feel bad for the person on the other side of the topic. They don't get to put in their own two cents or defend themselves. Maybe the thing that was quoted was said when they were really tired, or mostly thinking of something else. We'll never know.