Dang! Well at least he is honest.

Your sentence " Is it worth hanging in there for a guy who may well never commit"
What is YOUR goal?
Do you want marriage and children?

So basically he just wants it to be a "friends with benefits" type of situation?

How long have you been involved with this guy?

We've been going out for about a month. I don't think he's really been dating others during that time either. As for marriage and children...those aren't my priorities. But I do want to find someone who can be a longterm partner, not just an ongoing FWB. We have very similar interests and life goals, so he seemed ideal.

He wants to have sex with you, but still date others.

I smell an asshole.

I don't think he's an asshole, but I do think he's playing me, unintentionally or not.

This kinda relates back to the who discussion about "rotational dating" from last week or the week before that.

I don't want to make too big an issue of it now (or turn this into a gender conflict of sorts) but when I raised the subject of people you date doing this sort of thing and "keeping their options open" most people here didn't have an problem with this sort of behavior when it was women doing this sort of thing when dating.

Now there's an example here of a guy doing it and people suddenly seem to see what I was trying to get across about how hurtful the behavior is.


I'll give you the advice I would have given in the other discussion I mentioned: dump this guy. He clearly has no intention of becoming exclusive at this time since he's still doing the whole "rotational dating" thing. It's not right for people to lead each other on like he's doing.

If a person wants to be romantically involved with someone then they need to be courteous enough to not treat their partner like a disposable backup option.

Another update: He's even more up in my grill today. Called me on my lunch break. He's the one who calls, every day, and wants to hang out almost every day. Not just sex, but things like going to the laundromat and coming to my art show. These do not seem like the actions of a man who doesn't want a relationship. I'm wondering if I somehow misconstrued the meaning of his words, and should try to clarify?

When I first read your post, I thought 6 months in and he's not sure yet?!!

But then you said he's just been dating 6 months and 1 month with you.

Okay, I'd hang around another month or so. And if he's still wishy-washy, I'd dump him.

The dangers of dating someone right out of a divorce, is that they may very well be commitment shy.

A month is not enough time to know someone at s deeper level
How can any of you two be sure you are all you're looking for ?

I feel that if someone wants to date several people then they should not be sleeping with any of them.
Once sex is introduced for me it would mean being exclusive.
So Yes I think he is playing you.

I admire his stamina.

I agree with the OP's question #1: Why would he say all that shit? Except perhaps just to issue you a compliment?

SW, as a woman, I don't have a problem with what the guy is saying because it's his truth. It may not make the other person happy to hear, but what he's saying is important.

He says he wants to date others. Anything else is sort of noise. So if it were me, I'd assume he means it. So what do you do with that knowledge? If it's ok with you that he'd seeing others, then stick around. If not, then don't stick around.

I think we get in trouble when we spend a whole lot of time guessing others' motives. His actions vs his words may not make sense since he could be a little confused about what he wants. I mean, if I were with someone for 7 years and just started dating within the last 6 months, I'm not sure I'd be ready to commit either.

Take people where they are in their life right now, not what they may be a year from now, 5 years from now. When you do that, it's easier to see if that person aligns with your goals and desires.

The thing that at least comforts me that he is not playing me is his effort at honesty. He did not have to bring the issue up, but made an effort to do so, I assume to spare my feelings if I found out that he was still dating. At least his intentions are in the right place, and he mentioned he's a big follower of the golden rule.

I agree. Now it's out there. He may be doing it to spare your feelings or to just let you know where he's at.

It's hard with the truth because it's not always what we want to hear. But it's far better than being in the dark.

In my experience with dating, actions speak much louder than words. Just because they say things you want to hear doesn't mean that they're being truthful. Same with them mentioning good qualities about themselves.

To me, if a potential partner is actively still dating or trying to date other people after actively seeing each other for a while it's a red flag. It tells me the person is not serious about getting to know their partner and form a healthy attachment to them.

An abusive woman I dated in college did something like that to me. She just kept leading me on and using me until the abuse caused me to have a breakdown. At that point she just tossed me aside and moved on to some other guy she was also dating at the time (which I didn't find out until the end).

Isn't he saying... " you are good, and I'm not entirely ruling you out, but I want to keep shopping"

So by sticking around you are "hanging in there" hoping that he doesn't find anyone he likes better than you.

Will he still be living by "the Golden Rule" when the time comes and he meets some "knockout" that he is super interested in.. will he come to tell you.. " Well, all my dating paid off and I met this really pretty girl and I am going to sleep with her now"

Somehow I just can't picture the scenario...

Call me narcissistic, but when I give up my fine goods, I expect the guy I gave up the goods to, to be totally smitten and want me, me and only me.. after he has a taste of my sweet sugar he better not feel the need to keep looking around! ha ha...

If I received the speech you received.. " Yeah, I want to have sex, but I'ma gonna keep a lookin for something better if you don't mind" I would just move on. I would be thinking.. "yeah, well good luck finding someone as great as me, loser" ha ha

Say he does figure out after lots of dating that you are the girl he wants, will you be fine with that? Will you be like a puppy and say.. "Oh, I'm so glad you didn't find anyone better and have decided on me!

I'm not saying that won't work If you are fine with it, I would say you definitely don't practice one of the Seven Deadly Sins known as "PRIDE"
Which could be a good thing and maybe lots of Men's dream woman.