I understand being bummed... esp after putting yourself out like that.. But you're on the right track. Yes you should appreciate that he's being honest and you can't expect him to feel exactly as you feel exactly when you feel it. You'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment and setting your relationship up for issues. Good luck!

He told you he loved you after a night out, but then when you said you loved him a few days later, he said he wasn't sure? I'd feel a little set up by that.

So did you ask him why he said he loved you then but now not now?

From your other posts, I know he's trying to get back on his feet. Maybe he's focused there first and foremost and maybe he thinks the love conversation will add more pressure.

I don't know. For me, it would be hard to live with someone unless I know we have a foundation of love vs affection. Because otherwise, it just feels like roommates with benefits.

I understand feeling a little crushed. Plus him doing that on valetine's day when everyone's emotions run a little high and wear their hearts on the sleeves, yeah, that would sting. It's important he was honest, so you know where you stand, but I feel like I'd have to just say to him, what are we doing here??

I think you have every right to feel the way you do...
14 months... living together now and he is not sure ???
Upsetting.

First off the bat, I have to say I'm really sorry to hear that your boyfriend would say that to you. That is super upsetting and any girl in your shoes would totally feel rejected and hurt. Having drinks or not, he SHOULDN'T of said he loved you especially when he thought about it days later in his head...."Oh no....what did I say? I'm not ready." I'm betting that's what happened. So then you say it to him finally back and it should be this romantic movie moment but it's not; and he says he needs time to basically process it. He didn't say no he doesn't love you but it really hurts never the less.

Long distance is really hard. Extremely hard. He made a big step moving in with you and it probably has brought things to light for him, how he feels about you, thoughts of a future, ect. I think at this point, you owe it to yourself to communicate effectively and talk about your feelings, ask him to put himself in your shoes, and see if you guys can meet in the middle and not talk about deep stuff with alcohol involved. The question is would he have even said a word to you about it if the alcohol was involved? That's what I'm wondering.

I think after you have a open communication talk with him and figure out where you both are and get reassurance to feel better about things, then you both can move forward. Just remember healthy relationships start with open communication and understanding. Talk to him. It sounds like this is very fixable.

That was sort of my thought on the matter. I know he cares about me and maybe the alcohol got him a little caught up and he panicked after the fact. Moving in with someone is always a big adjustment to everyone involved, especially when you go from only seeing each other every other weekend. I think the hardest thing about it for me was I said what I did, under the impression that I was reciprocating, and being told otherwise in that moment took me waaaaay off guard.

Give it time and don't hold it against him. And the only reason I'm saying that is cause I'm in a long distance relationship where we are about 1.5 hours away and traveling it can take me up to 2 hours to see him on the weekends. I think relationships are hard to begin with but when you add long distance in it, added more work has to be done. And I agree, moving in is a HUGE deal. He might be having some adjustment problems which is why alcohol is taking off the edge.

In my relationship we both agreed to not say the 3 words to each other for an entire year. And it was my idea and he thought it was an amazing idea. I wanted it because I've seen how people throw the most meaning phrase around and I wanted to truly get to know him for 4 seasons and see him as an all around man. It is the hardest thing but rewarding I think. Maybe having this stuff happen will give him more reason to make it more special, like taking away you somewhere to tell you. A lot of my friends who are in healthy marriages, their now husbands made the 3 words so special and whisked them away to official tell them. I think the 3 words should be almost as special as an engagement. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I think the 3 words are to be treasured and an incredible moment you get to look back on.

Yah, you need to be careful after drinking or when cuddling or after sex. Sometimes feelings are stronger than otherwise. I don't think it means he doesn't love you, its just that he's not ready for the responsibility(?) that comes with professing that.

I get what you mean with the "responsibility" thing. I think it does have a way of "elevating" expectations in a relationship. I wouldn't personally be like EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED NOW THAT YOU SAID THAT but it also wouldn't be the first time someone had that thought process.